News:

Runaway Five Theory - by Ostricho

Ness turned on the television set and prepared for the highly-anticipated interview with the Runaway Five on the local news.
“Hello, I’m Rob E. Squash, the reporter for the local Twoson news. In today’s interview, we are going to meet the highly popular band, the Runaway Five! Good to meet you, Lucky.”
“Nice to meet you too, Rob. What questions do you have for us today?”
“Well, there’s one question I’m itching to ask. If there’s six people in your band, why did you name yourselves the Runaway Five? Was it a translation error?”
“Please don’t break the fourth wall again, and no, we have a good reason for naming ourselves the Runaway Five, but the only way it will make sense is if we start at the beginning. Do we have time?”
“I think so, Lucky.”
Lucky took a deep breath of air and began.

It all started in a grocery store. Lucky had made sure that no one was looking when he walked into the applesauce isle. There was a prejudice against “applesauce-eaters” in this area. After tiptoeing to a small plastic container, he grabbed it an ran, only to knock into a somewhat burly man and fall to the ground. They were both shocked.
“Sir, what are you doin’ with applesauce in a town like this?” said the burly man.
“Uh, huh, I was, um, going to the bathroom.” Lucky clumsily responded.
“Bull. You’ve got applesauce in yo’ hand. And the bathroom is the OTHER way.”
Lucky began sweating in fear, then replied fiercely: “Then why are YOU in this isle- in a town like this,” said Lucky, imitating the burly man’s deep voice.
“You got me. Truth is, I love applesauce. But everyone else eats carrot sticks and can’t seem to respect people like us.” He made a funny face. “Their farts smell like rotten carrots.”
It dawned on Lucky that this man was less mature than he looked. “Tell you what. Let’s get our applesauce no matter what anyone says, and hatch a plan on how to end this prejudice once and for all.”
“Good plan. Nice to meet ya, my name’s Gorgeous.” They shook hands, and bought their applesauce (the cashier scoffed at them).

On the way home, the two learned more things in common between them other than their love of applesauce. They both had an unusual talent for singing. Their voices alone sounded horrible, but together they were magnificent. Suddenly, a horrible sight appeared. It was a street musician, playing a keyboard. Apparently he had been caught eating applesauce; a mob of people were spitting on him and throwing stuff. They all had low HP so Lucky and Gorgeous chased them off easily. They helped the musician up. “Join us. We’re fighting for respect for applesauce eaters.” The street musician whistled, and three of his buddies showed up! “We’ll create a band a play for awareness.”
The next day, the group was in the park square, playing for awareness, when someone in the audience threw a Running Bomb onto the stage! It nearly defeated Lucky! “That’s it, let’s just leave this town and go somewhere else!”
“But I can’t run that fast!” yelled Gorgeous, but the other five members were already long gone.

“So that’s why you called yourselves the Runaway Five? Because Gorgeous didn't run away?” exclaimed Rob E. Squash. “Whatever happened to Gorgeous?”
“He knew PSI and just teleported to Twoson, where the rest of us went.”
“You’re making this game sound like cheap fanfiction!”
Ness turned off the television set, had some steak, and went to bed.


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