News:

8/1/04 Topic: Brick Road?:

What led BrickRoad into his derranged occupation of making dungeon mazes?


Down with Dungeon Labor!:

I personally believe that the whole idea of BrickRoad making dungeons is of no suprise considering the horrible working conditions in dungeons nowadays.

Sure, it used to be nice in the earlier days; monsters got good pay, decent room and board when they weren't popping out of nowhere on heroes, and there was an excellent dental plan.

Nowadays though, your dungeons keep getting bigger and bigger, resulting in monsters only becoming numbers, as opposed to working with the boss on a more personal and friendly basis. Then you have all those minibosses, the "middle management" if you will. Your average blue-collar monster started getting, well, bossed around by them, and soon you have in-fighting whilst the hero is grabbing the treasure in the next room. Add in the lower job security with the good guys getting bigger and better supermoves and spells and such, and suddenly it's gotten to the point that you're pretty expendable as a monster. Budgets get tighter too as the situation gets more desperate, so then pay, conditions, and benefits drop. It's a vicious cycle.

Obviously BrickRoad saw this decline in treatment of dungeon workers and made it his personal goal to create a dungeon where monsters can get the pay, conditions, benefits, and care necessary for them to not only care for themselves, but their families too. Afterall, the children are the future; otherwise, who's gonna beat up the next hero that comes along?

Of course, it doesn't take much to realize that BrickRoad went further than that. Just look at the petting zoo he put in, which attracts the hero's aspiring kids (ensuring a future clientelle), not to mention Dungeon Man can walk, so monsters get the added advantage of free travel.

BrickRoad didn't go into dungeon-making bacause he was deranged; it's all a single man's struggle to create a more monster-friendly world.

-Barf


Symptoms of Insomnia:

To fully comprehend what I am about to tell you all, you must first understand my situation. It's 11:05 PM EST, I haven't had any real sugar since January, I am sleep deprived, and I've been eating cheese and low-carb jelly beans and diet vanilla coke all afternoon, while listening to country music and there is a mosquito in my bed room that I can't find, and bites me while I'm asleep. Hence my mental condition has seen better days.

Anyway, Mr. Brickroad was a college friend of Dr. Andonuts, but he dropped out when he realized that the college didn't have a major in 'pie'. So, in his despair for the soft flaky crust and warm yummy center, he set off into the Winters. (My cheese is stale...)

Once in the Winters, he found a pen and paper lying around (if crows carry cookies than certainly a Winterian animal could carry a pen and some paper, yeah?) and decided to draw something in his newfound bordem. He drew a very complex maze, which he found he was very good at, and he showed it to one of the Tessie watch club guys. The maze was so confusing, the man passed out into his jell-o!

Brickroad then got the idea that if just a maze he designed on PAPER could have this form of devistating mental trauma, just imagine what a REAL maze could do! With new, psychotic, ambition Brickroad created his first maze ever! When he saw the prospect (Jeff, that is) of a new competition, he set a massive iron pencil in the main path and forced the youth to detour through the maze. Unfortunately, it looked better on paper and Jeff easilly weaved his way through.

Now distraut with his first ever failure, Brickroad desperately searched for a new mind-boggling maze that would stop even a psychic! He then turned back to Andonuts for advice, and using special technology (ala watching WAAAAY too much Japanese cartoons) they created Dungeon Man! He actually started out as a failed MegaMan Robot Master who missed the debut of MegaMan 8, but that's okay.

Well, then DungeonMan stationed himself in the desert because the actual inside of DungeonMan is pretty cold, so he figured being in a hot place would balance the temp. Well, he then got bored and took a nap, and that's when Ness & co came back and walked on in with that key.

Now, the enigma of the story is the key. Somehow, DungeonMan hadn't moved yet the man in the turbin had the key. Interesting, no? No, I agree, it really isn't.

Well, the key is actually the key to my sister's black duster which caught fire on the engine and blew up with nobody in (or near, thankfully) it. Well, after the blast engulfed one of my trees, the key had morphed from the heat that it never really was in and turned into a frog. Yes, a frog, bear with me. The metal frog turned out to be the Heavilly Armored type that fought Ness, Paula and Jeff shortly after the first maze incident.

Basically, HAF was defeated after Master Belch was whooped, and shifted back into a key (now, shiney and special!) and was found by a Mr. Saturn. The Mr. Saturn took the new shiney object and mailed it to Dr. Andonuts for futher investigation. Unfortunately the key really proved useless and only unlocked a door that led to some weird guy's fruit storage in the basement of a Wal-Mart.

Well, using the key as a base, Dr. Andonuts made the door to fit the key, and then sent the key off to Dalaam. However, the postman had eaten some really funky ham before his run, and wound up giving it to a beetle out in the desert of Scaraba. Later, the man in the turbin found the beetle and named it "Ben", and took the key. Ben later went on to become the first Mayor of Threed, because (obviously) only Onette has a political system, so hostile arthropod invasion of other cities was sort of inevitable. Needless to say Ben's take-over was the start of a useless 19-minute war with Fourside that ended in the production of the Matrix, long story short.

MEANWHILE-- the turbin-wearing man, Bill, was just hanging out when he saw Ness and his friends come along and just decided to give him the legendary "Key of Ben the Mayor of Threed Beetle". Well, this was quite convienient as Ness then went on to find the DungeonMan. Well, that's it. Thanks.

-Shadow The Hedgehog


A True Tear Jerker:

Well, the story is a sad one, and a long one at that. So pull up one of your carpet squares, sit in "indian style" and listen away young one.

You see, back in the day there was a boy named Brick Road. His parents Limestone and Cobble Road had only one child. Back then they were an adventorous family, exploring ancient ruins, trekking through mucky waters.

Before they visited the place of their doom, the family had went to the Pyramids in Scaraba, and had explored some of it. After that they went to a place that would claim the two parent's lives: The Happy Happy Village Cave.

They had stumbled across some Mighty Bears, and sacrificed their lives for their only child. Due to the mass trauma at the young age he was at, he couldn't believe his parents were dead.

His mind built up the belief that his parents were only lost in a maze-like dungeon. So he had to build these dungeons to find them, unfortunately, his encounter with the bears had marred his legs, making him incapable of walking for far distances.

Thus, he had started negotiating with Dr. Andonuts on helping him develop the two things he's dreamed: the supreme dungeon, and an extraordinary body. He got some money discounted for making Jeff work to see his dad, because his dad doesn't like seeming him (ie. meet again in 10 years.)

So with the body/dungeon made, Brick Road went to the last place he had really enjoyed with his parents: the pyramids. There he would relax until the end of days.

-Crompez


..Fish in a trashcan?:

It all started a long time ago, when Brick Road found a rather pretty penny. And he says to himself "I'm going to spend this pretty penny on some penny candy!" So he went to the candy store, only to find out that his pretty penny wasn't worth anything and the penny candy cost 2 cents. So then he flew into a rage and started wrecking things until he was arrested. The total amount of damage equaled 47 cents.

He then went to a Mach Trial, and was sentenced to a lifetime of playing Dungeons & Dragons. The whole system turned his brain to mush. He spent 29 minutes there until his sentence was over because no one could determine how long a "lifetime" was. When he got out, he used his god-like powers and turned every fight into a turn-based war. However, he didn't learn much from D&D, so it just wasn't the same.

Then he found two pretty pennies, and he says "I'm going to build the world's great dungeon!" But the equipment he needed cost 4 cents, so he had to make one out of pipecleaners and super glue. And that's how Dungeon Man was made.

-PSI Stuff Rho


I hate garden parties:

You see, my friends, it's quite simple. Actually, it's needlessly complicated.

Anyways, it all started when Brick Road was young. His mom, Brick Street, took him to a garden party. Now, most garden parties (at least the classy ones) have those hedge mazes. Well, Brick Street wasn't paying attention to her son and he went into the hedge maze.

He was in there an incredible week and a half. Yep, a week and a half. I'm not kidding, folks. Anyways, Brick Road started to become obsessed with the maze, and the maze took control of him! Actually, no, he just discovered he really likes mazes.

So, when he got older, he decided to spread his love of mazes to the world. But, he wasn't good with garden sheers, so he couldn't make hedge mazes. And he didn't have much money, so he had to make due with constructing them in small, dank caves; using rocks and such.

And that is why Brick Road makes dungeons. Well, actually, that doesn't explain much. <.< Oh well.

-Frenchtoast


Warning: Corny Jokes:

As a young kid growing up in north western Slavatia, Brick Road belonged to a poor family. Note: Brick Road his real name. His mother's name was Golden, father's name was Bumpy, dog's name was Rocky. The only thing they could afford was bricks from the local quarry.

Young Brick used to sit outside wondering what to do with these stones. He often brought his friend over to play 'Dodgebrick' which often proved unsuccessful (and painful).

On a trip to the city with his father, young Brick was taken by the large buildings, made of bricks. When he arrived home, he immediately constructed a plethora of small buildings. He also took a sketch that his father made of a statue (he was an artist), and made a brick structure of it. This is how the design for the Brick Road in Scaraba came to be.

After many years of ideas, people took notice to Brick's skill. They asked him to make thigns for them. Houses, statues, everything else one could think of. While he gained more money then he could count, this drove him to madness.

He wished to never build a thing made of bricks again. With his money, he fled to Eagleland, and took up residence in a cave in Winters. Inside, he thought of a great ploy.

"What if people found me here? How could I make it that it is impossible to get to my home?"

Then he remembered another activity he used to partake as a kid; mazes. Immediately, he built a maze inside of the nearby cave. To make it that much more challenging, he brought in ducks (his friend's father was a farmer), and pink blobs (you don't want to know where he got that from), to act as guards.

To make it even harder, he also constructed a larger version of his father's Brick Road 'robot' to live in. He constructed a maze in there as well, this time, he found more worthy guards this time.

When Ness and the three solved both his Winters maze, and Brick Road's home, he became friendlier towards others.

Thus, Brick Road feels secure when he is at the end of a maze. He simply wants to get away from the demand of the citizens of his old country.

-DarthBelch


What are paragraphs?:

As a child, Brick Road was constantly taunted for having such an obviously unique name, in the tradition of his father Cobble Stone Road, and grandfather, Dirt Road, who had changed his last name to Road from his traditional family name Path, after a fight with his stubborn father, Grass Path, who had been a famous dungeon designer for many kings. Dirt and Cobble were also skilled in the trade, but were more interested in making fun houses for early carnivals and theme parks. Cobble in fact is famous for one of the most famous fun houses in the world, Fourside's House of Deception, open since 1965. Brick, knowing of his father and grandfather's dominance in the field would lead to immeasurable pressure to perform, decided to look into the family tree a bit further back, and discovered Grass Path, his great grandfather the dungeoneer (dungeon maker). He made a pilgramage to the great Grass Dungeons around the world, including Lumine Hall. After studying the works and becoming an educated architect, he told his father of his plans and left home. He studied even more before leaving for Winters and his first work in a 'civilized' country, the Brick Road Tunnel of Winters, making sure he got plenty of traffic by placing a strange statue to block the way south outside the Tunnel. After meeting Jeff Andonuts, the dungeon's first traveller, he travelled more, and met Dr. Andonuts, famed scientist, who agreed that if Brick Road were build his opus, the good Dr. would allow Brick Road to literally live on at it's end. This led Brick Road to gather his father Cobble and a small team of masons to build the Dungeon Man, a now famous landmark in the Scaraba Desert. Unfortuneately, Dirt was busy planning a fun house to rival if not beat the House of Deception, scouting Summers for an appropriate spot. The team finished in a record amount of time, and Dr. Andonuts finished the dungeon-man fusion just in time to return to Winters and prepare to test the Phase Distorter Prototype. When Ness and company make it to the top of Dungeon Man, Jeff and Brick have a short reunion, before agreeing to borrow Brick's yellow submarine, a gift he received for a dungeon he built early in his career.

-Drakenul


Gonmon should have Carpal Tunnel by now:

Ah... Brick Road. Poor Brick Road. He's gone by so many other names before this. Pavement Lane, Cement Walk, Asphalt Track, Dirt Path, ya know, the works. But this is the final resting place he came to in the world of names, but not before on heck of a journey.

It all started on a dark and cold night of September. Around the same time that people were eating diner in their houses instead of tents. A man was busy walking down a street muttering incoherently about Munchkins and the like. a_Passerby (and just about anyone else passing him) would think that he was a crazy sort and so they shunned this man. But they didn't know that this man was indeed holding fate in his hands... But more on that later.

The man was known at the time as Jack Squat. He was a professional in the business world of businessy business types. He would constantly be found at his desk, rolling paper into balls and throwing them repeatedly into waste paper baskets. At first, someone would think that he was scratching down so many ideas and couldn't come up with the perfect one, but then again, not too many people knew about the sport and art of paper ball throwing.

And so, as it usually happens, Jack Squat was forced to retire from his job at the ripe old age of 12. Times 2. Ok, so maybe he didn't retire, but more or less got put out of a job by some hot shot who actually drew up designs for stuff than throwing the paper into a goal. So, furious, Jack Squat became passionately involved in trying to defeat this man in battle. But what exactly was it this man did? Draw buildings of course. To beat an architect, you must become one yourself, or so says the man with the ruler and triangle. Stupid teachers.

Anywho, munching on doughnuts as he set off into the world, Jack Squat set his mind to many many tasks. He paved the dirt onto paths, he crumbled the concrete onto side walks, he even baked his own asphalt to put onto tracks, and thus got enough money and reputation for various tasks in order to get his diploma. But after his 25 some odd years in school and finally becoming a master of master architects, Jack Squat (AKA: Asphalt Track at the time), didnt feel whole enough knowing he was better than some lame brained man who took his job away. No... he needed something more.

Contacting a super genius, who also was named after his beloved snack food, Asphalt Track traveled to the past. It was a time of woe and greed and inflation of money. Poor people living in Kansas were occasionally wisked off in tornados to strange lands. Deciding to follow the trends (since the stupid time machine he used was broken), Asphalt Track (at the time now known as Dirt Path to blend in with the locals) decided to become wisked off himself by a tornado.

While inside the tornado, Dirt Path was shocked with horror as he viewed hallucinations of various kinds of things like flying chicken coops, boat rowers rowing in air, and mysterious bicycle ladies turning into witches. Creepy. But this seemed to also intrigue poor Dirt Path in a way he had never experienced. He wanted to see the lovely lady of witchdom again, but he didn't exactly know how.

So when he landed in a strange land full of warrior midgets (they still claim themselves to be peaceful and called "Munchkins", cause the word midget hurts their feelings), Dirt Path inquired about the horrible hag. After countless times being directed to the chief barbarian midget, he was told that the evil green lady was in fact their master and lived far away in a green city as beautiful as emeralds, but since no one had actually ever been there too recently in the past 5 hours, they couldn't figure out how to get there, and they needed a road to remember in the future.

Dirt Path smiled at the idea. He was going to build a road, dog gone it! And so he set off building one. At first, he used just plain bricks since there was an abundance of them just lying around. Unfortunately, there was always a body underneath each ton of bricks, but Dirt Path worked his way around that and eventually built through hill and forest until he reached the green city. The witch instantly turned him away since his stupid road was red, and red was her least favorite of the colors.

Defeated and begrudged, Dirt Path tried to find a way to make his beloved witch happy in a way that red bricks could not. He decided to do something that no one else had ever done in order to gain a name and perhaps win her heart.

Running to the local hardware store, he was aghast at the site he beheld. There was a shortage of Green paint, as the Witch had used almost every last bucket on her own city. However, there was a very large stock of yellow paint, which nobody else wanted, as it was too hip and indie for people at the time (Sepia seemed to do well, however.)

And so, buying the whole warehouse of yellow paint, Dirt Path set off and began to color all his bricks on his road yellow. Unfortunately, he ran out near the end, or begining rather, since he ended back up in the town that the warrior midgets had seized, but there was enough yellow for the road to be seen in space.

Finally trudging back to his beloved's green city, he was crushed to find that his witch had flown the coop to a more scary castle because some hot shot in an air balloon had landed in the city a few days before. He called himself Ozzy, and was a psycadelic man of sorts. He took one look at Dirt Path and said in his most serious tone,

"Dude henceforth known as Yellow Brick Road, you are one mingled with the Apple of Enlightenment. Be wary of 3 boys and a girl who come to see you in your vast dungeon. They hold the key to life and shall surely melt your witch."

Dirt Path (now known as Yellow Brick Road) was enthralled by the message, so much that he ran back to where he came from and began his life anew. The End.

... Why are you all still here? That was long enough wasn't it? I mean, I finished my cake and doughnuts while writing this for you, at least you can be appreciative to this skinny boy.

... Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm not done yet. Ehem.... Where was I... Ah yes!

So, after returning to his hometown in EagleLand, FiveVille, Yellow Brick Road decided that he should begin construction on his calling in life to protect his witch: A Dungeon of masterful proportions.

To do so, he would first need a cave. He searched high and low for such a cave that could hold his vast dungeon and beatles collection, but where ever there was one, it was taken up by some greedy Sanctuary Guardian. Almost giving up hope, Yellow Brick Road tromped off to Winters to find that another cave was being used by yet another Sanctuary Guardian, and the space next door was being rented out by some mechcanical aliens in some freak project to also defeat 3 boys and a girl in a quest. Intrigued to find out what exactly was going on, Yellow Brick Road hit up his old friend, who had also supplied him with the faulty time machine, and learned of another cave near by that was only being used by a bunch of crazy ducks and a couple of priceless protoplasms escaped from his lab.

Happy at last, Yellow Brick Road won over the inhabitants of the cave with his charming "o" face and cunningly good whiskers. Not only that, but his fame and reputation for building Yellow Brick Roads. Convinved that this cave was the one to build in, Yellow Brick Road spent all of his funds purchasing rocks of exactly the same shape and size for the first phase of his dungeon, which was a test maze to see if anyone was worthy to enter.

But soon, after contructing the maze, Yellow Brick Road was out of cash and was forced to become Brick Road, since he was no longer bling-bling'n. At another unfortunate turn of events, Brick Road then noticed that his beloved fan club of ducks and protoplasms were turning on his because he was no longer famous. Beaten and broken, Brick Road was forced to take up residence outside of his so called dungeon.

After a year of poverty and being frozen to the spot he stood (the ducks had stolen the invisible key to the invisible back door to the dungeon, thus locking him out), Brick Road was happened upon by some poor nerd who was forced to wander from his boarding school a little north from his dungeon. After finding out that his poor nerd was also the son of his old buddy scientist, Brick Road began the long process of licking himself free of his icey foothold.

After a week of trial and error, Brick Road was finally free and then set off to see the doctor of doughnuts and inquire about a more special and cost effective dungeon making scheme. The good doctor, who was wearing a lab coat at the time and could be trusted, led Brick Road over to a pod looking machine and helped him inside, explaining that if he was willing to give up his carnal appetites, Brick Road would finally be able to make a supurb dungeon surpassing all, even the four he was desitned to stop melting his witch.

All went well, and after much resizing and reshaping of Brick Road's body, he woke to find himself passed out on the sand floor in the middle of a large desert with nothing to do but sit and wait. During which, he began to move his collection of animals (including those crazy ducks and protoplasms who had abandoned him weeks before) and tried to fit in as much of his Beatles merchandise as he could. Unfortunately, he could only fit a broken bike, a couple of doctors, a yellow submarine, and only part of his favorite song from his favorite Beatles album.

Soon, word from the grapevine growing on top of his head said that a group of three boys and girl were heading his way, and he made ready to make them face the challenge of his dungeon. They suceeded in making their way through his many levels and soon realized that unfortunately, they were not the 4 he was told about oh so many years ago by a strange man in a balloon, but a group out to defeat evil itself. He played along with the group and told them he was going to aid them in their quest when in fact he was really trying to find a way back to Kansas when he became stuck in a couple of measley palm trees.

Disgusted at his defeat, he allowed the group of four to enter him again so they might go away and leave him alone forever instead of having him realize his mistake. He shared with them his real intent and asked for forgiveness, only to be told by the girl of the group that he was nuts and watched too many movies. Puzzled, Brick Road then searched his archives for a movie that would give him a clue when he happened upon a film that seemed to unlock it all: The Wizard of Oz. In it, he saw his same love and the same man he was told his destiny by, only to realize in horror where his true calling had been: Oz. He was to build a dungeon in Oz to confuse the group of four who crusaded there instead. And due to his folly, his beloved witch was melted to the ground with water. Filled with anguish, Brick Road uttered a cry that peirced the heart of many.

And so, children that actually stayed awake through that, you can still hear his moaning as it is as loud as the air itself whenever you stand a good 500 feet away from a high-way. Because that sounds like a lot of moaning too.

But that's enough. The moral of the story is not to take advice from men in balloons who like the color green and carry on about apples of enlightenment. Or bees from meteors who do the same thing. And eat those doughnuts!

-Gonmon


Do What now?:

BrickRoad. The Dungeon expert of all time, the best of the best. All have heard of his near-Godlike ability to create dungeons, and how he even fused himself with one--a perfect mix of man and machine. But do we know his real name? Do we know where he lived before he began travelling from area to area, leaving a trail of dungeons in his path? I'm What Whattia, and today we'll explore the past, present, and possible future of the man known as BrickRoad in...

"BEHIND THE DUNGEON"

In 1953, married Mrs. Marcelle Chapman and Mr. Don Kingsman in Twoson had a child, which they named Don Kingsman Jr., after the father. Their happiness was short-lived, however, when the child was diagnosed with Rothmund-Thompson's syndrome, for which there was--and still is no cure. For the rest of his life, little Don would have a short stature, pigmentation of skin, abnormalities in his bones, nails, and teeth, and most obvious--baldness. He would also have cataracts, making the world around poor Don seem to be nothing more than a moving, blurry photograph.

This would be his greatest obsticle when he began making dungeons.

Further tragedy struck seven years later, in 1960. As Marcelle, Don Sr., and their child watched the first episode of "Felix the Cat", the basement caved in, bringing the rest of the house down with it. Don Sr. and Marcelle were killed almost insantly. But miraculously, Don Jr. survived. He was found by fireman after two days of searching, outside the house. Don would later explain that he house around him had somehow randomly collapsed into a labyrinth of sorts, and he had been able to escape by finding the exit. Strangely enough, the young Don showed no signs of fear.

This event would shape the rest of Don's live.

Don, raised by his grandfather on his father's side, Robert Kingman, led a usual, uneventful life, save for the fact that he showed college-level intelligence when he was still in high school. Don skipped one year of high school...but dropped out the following year in 1968 for unknown reasons. Despite numerous interviews, exactly why he dropped out has never been made clear.

This was when Don future was set out for him.

Wandering the streets of Fourside, homeless, cold, and hungry in 1988, Don stumbled into the sewer via an uncovered manhole. Far from being scared, Don was immediately struck by how mazelike the sewers were. He was reminded of old dungeons from Nintendo games such as The Legend of Zelda and Metroid.

He was struck by inspiration.

Don decided he would travel from land to land, building dungeons where there had been before only caves. People would stumble through his creations, lost and unsure, but they would always discover the way out, and they wuld always remember the experience. His eyes were bad and he could hardly see, but he didn't care. He would find a way to make his dungeons, he swore it.

He also decided that he would be known as Don no more. Changing his name to BrickRoad (because "that's what people should step on in a well-made dungeon"), Don stepped out of the telephone book--and into legend.

The rest is history--how he met with Dr. Andonuts in Winters, how he because Dungeon Man. Never again would he walk in fear. To this day, any adventurer can walk through the desert, swamp, or forest of his choosing. Perhaps he won't see Dungeon Man. But he may just see a footprint in the ground--too big and oddly-shaped to be a human's.

-What


My parents never dropped me on my head:

As a child dungeon man was dropped on his head, several times. His father was a strict Calvinist who resented his "blasphemy" at a young age. His older brother Cornell began blackmailing him around the time he was 10, he had the choice of doing various deeds for Cornell, or have Cornell tell his father that he was saying bad things about God. Dungeonman (real name Turner Hopkins) began doing at first simple deeds for his brother, but the deeds became sicker and sicker as time went on.

By the time Turner was 17 he was turning into a handsome young man, this really ticked off Cornell. Cornell got the idea to get Turner to commit a B&E where he would get caught and get the crap kicked out of him. He had Turner break into Sarah Hornes bedroom, Sarah a girl Cornell had a crush on for as long as he could remember. Cornell had the idea to get Turner to steal one of her prized archery trophies he did so. Cornell wasn't pleased that he had returned without a mark on him, at that moment he had an idea. The idea was to send him over when he was sure no one was home, but her father a 6'3 homicide dick would be on duty. Cornell told him to go back and get another trophy, Turner again complied, while Cornell called Sarah's father and told him a someone had broken into their house and was prowing around in his daughters room. Pop's droped the phone and ran four red lights to get home. Turner heard a noise, panicked and tried to get out the window, he was on the sill when a large, hairy, tatooed hand grabbed him with one arm, pulled him up and beat him to a bloody pulp, knocking five of his teeth out, breaking four ribs, collapsing a lung, and resulted in him losing the sight of his left eye. As one can imagine Turner was mad, real mad. Then he had an idea; Cornell was claustrophobic and had once had a panic attack when one of his bum friends locked him in a closet with a bottle of cheap wine and a rubber glove. Months went on and summer arrived. It was time for the families annual trip to visit the old man's sister in Fourside. Turner conviced his father that he should stay home, his dad agreed. Turner spent the whole two weeks constructing what was to end up being his lifes passion: Dungeons. Cornell had this old cave where he would get drunk off of his dad's wine. Turner stole every piece of lumber and sheet metal he could get his hands on. The family arrived home and Turner bided his time. After a week of being home Turner heard Cornell snaking into his dad's liquor cabinet and knowing his pattern waid until around 8:00 to wait at the cave. The cave itself was a wide and very spacious series of caverns that was still lit via a handbox outside. Turner awaited in some bushes and saw Cornell wailking with a bottle of his dad's old port in his left hand. Cornell hit the lights and went in. Turner had it set up so when Cornell walked past certain areas in the cave a door would shut locking him in and making him have to find another way around. Turner gave him 10 minuted ran up and hit the lights. Immediatly he heard a series of screams and smiled. Knowing the sun would hit the cave in the morning and show his brother the way out he went home to see his oldman. His oldman asked him where he was and he said something about Onett. His father grunted and told him to buzz off. Turner was sick of home he wanted to leave and make more dungeons, he knew his father kept his money in the root cellar because of his distrust in banks and thought that he could make it with his old man's money. He waited for the old man to go to bed and snuck downstairs into the root cellar. Turner saw the old redman tobacco cans where he knew he kept it he grabbed every can put them in a back he took with him and took out a pad of paper and wrote " Dear Dad,

I can no longer stad you or Cornell, I'm taking this money because simply I know its the only thing you care about and simply that I don't like you. You will never see me again. signed Turner Hop" Turner decided never to use his birth given name ever again he scratched out what he wrote of his name and wrote: "signed Dungeon Man". He placed it on the floor of the root cellar paced a few clothes and left to explore and perfect himself in the art of the dungeon.

-Frank Kerman


Joseph?:

Brick Road came from a family that could very well be described as "Average". His father was a well respected businessman, his mother the caring homemaker, and his siblings well behaved.

Brick Road himself grew up accordingly. He was never grossly out of line, he never complained. He maintained good grades throughout his youth, and had an active, if impartial social life.

After High school, Brick Road attended the Fourside Business School, just as his father had. Everything about his life could be considered "average". That was until a fateful encounter with the esteemed scientist, Dr. Joseph Andonuts.

Dr. Andonuts had taken a break from his busy schedule to give a lecture at the Business School, about the impact of technology on the economy. Brick Road was there, of course, and he felt that the good Doctor's lecture was pointless. In fact, the young businessman took the liberty of leaving the lecture halfway through. Dr. Andonuts took notice of his absence, and after the discussion, set out to find this troubled youth.

When Dr. Andonuts knocked on the door of Brick Road's modest apartment, Brick Road answered.

"What do you want?"

"Tell me, do you enjoy life?"

Brick Road couldn't respond. He had never given it much thought. He had always assumed he was doing what he wanted, and that he was happy.

After the fateful encounter, Brick Road set out to do something that wasn't average. He took a semester off and traveled the world. He explored the mountain caves of Eagleland. He navigated the treacherous muck of Deep Darkness. He even found his way through the dangerous pyramids of Scaraba. But after several months of dungeon-going, there was one thought irking at Brick Road.

"I could make better."

It was in a moment of clarity that Brick Road realized that he hated Business. He didn't want to follow exactly what his parents had done. He needed to do what he wanted to do.

And so he did.

-Foppy King


I didn't know Hawien could write!:

BrickRoad sat down. In his late 20's, maybe, he was the fresh new face of engineering at Eagleland University. Of course, his name wasn't always BrickRoad, it was actually Bill(y) Twigg. Bill was famous, popular and successful in the community of the University where he had extensively been studying mechanics and basic robotics; very technical stuff. Many of his friends took the same course as him (of course, they couldn't keep up with him, but they tried. Oh, they tried so very hard), whilst some of his other peers excelled in other fields of science. Like Bill, Ted Newman was incredibly gifted in his field of study; animal psychology. Ted's field work was based on the intelligence of animals, and to test their problem solving abilities. Being the good friend that he was, Bill would always visit Ted's most excellent (!) lab, and be sure to compliment on his latest work.

'Hey, Ted. I heard you got a new animal to test. What is it again?'

'At the moment, it's nothing more than a humble mouse, but it has a certain ability that makes it much more intelligent than it's cousins by far. Come this way.'

Bill follwed his friend through a door similar to that you find at a hospital, and found himself in a white, square room, with one harsh light dangling from above. In the middle of the room, there was a table with a simple maze constructed on top of it. Ted placed the mouse at one end of the maze. After having gotten the signal to start, the mouse worked it's way to the end of the maze in only a few seconds. Bill saw nothing incredible, yet Ted was delighted.

'You see, this mouse took only 3 seconds to complete the maze the first time it di -'

'So it's a fast rat, so what?'

'No, it's not speed that's important, it's the accuracy and intelligence of this mouse I'm amazed at; most mice at least 3 minutes to finish the maze, some never complete it. This mouse managed to get there without making any wrong turns or meeting any dead ends,'he picked up the mouse,'so I've decided to call it: The Exit Mouse!'

Bill felt something was wrong here. Maybe he was jealous that his friend had discovered some kind of rare, super-smart animal, but something didn't add up. There must be a reason the mouse was so quick. Suddenly he got it.

'Well, uh, that's great and all, Ted but, uh, that maze is pretty linear. I mean, if this really is some kind of clever mouse, it should be able to get out of a maze I made.'

'Well, it could help my research..'

Ted had seen this as an opportunity, where it was actually a challenge from Bill.

'Great!' Bill, shouted, 'I'll get straight onto it!'

So, after a few hours, Bill emerged from his dorm, holding a very complex maze. Of course, being an engineer, Bill had managed to design it so that it was incredibly easy to deviate from the correct path, and the size of it was collosal. Really.

'So, Ted, let's see how your mouse does against this!'

'O.K. I'll put him in here.'

As soon as his feet touched the ground, the mouse ran straight down the correct path, and took all the right turns. With every turn it took, and for every right path it chose, the mouse was severly winding Bill up.

'I don't believe it,' Ted gasped, after the mouse had finally finished the maze, 'only 10 seconds! And no mistakes!'

Bill was furious. He wasn't going to be beaten yet.

'Luck! LUCK! It's all luck! Anyone can follow a path and end up at the end eventually! That dumb animal is no more than a basic robot! I should know! I've made a cardboard cat that was smarter than him!'

Bill stormed out of the room, and went straight into his dorm.

'Well, this time, the maze is going to have a little extra spice to it..' And sure enough, Bill outdid himself once again. This maze was similar in size to his previous model, and was as complex, yet he had added traps, spikes, switches and panels to either confuse or, better yet, kill the mouse.

So, at the lab, again, the mouse was placed into the maze, at the start. For a few seconds, the mouse sniffed the air, and did not move. Bill took this as a sign of victory: 'Yes! Nothing can beat engineering!' he turned round, as if he was talking to the camera I just invented a second ago, 'human nature is a slave to the robotics and intelligence a well designed android is equipped with! I am the ma-' but before he had finished, Ted exclaimed: 'Wow! 20 seconds! This mouse sure is something, huh?'

This time, Bill said nothing, and quietly left the room, his face scrunched up with anger.

After the ordeal, Bill rarely turned up to lectures, and was often confined to his room for most of the week. The most memorable of his appearances, perhaps, was after lecturing had finished for the day. Bill walked into the room, holding a roll of papers and clutching a compass, muttering to himself; he was looking for something. However, at the same time, most of his friends were there, watching something on T.V.

'Hey, Bill!', Gary, his dorky computer friend cried, 'check it out! We found some really old films in a trunk in the media room.'

On the screen, an ancient version of 'The Wizard of Oz' was playing. Dorothy, The Scarecrow, Tin Man and The Lion were happily skipping on a yellow path, laughing and singing. Bill stopped, and his face went crimson with anger. 'Their path is so simple, so clear.. no troubles, no dead ends, no wrong..turns.. they're mocking me.. everything is so easy for them..' The stupid grin on the scarecrow was the final straw on the camel's back; Bill completely flipped out, possibly as a result of his deep complex lodged inside his brain.

'OFF! GET IT OFF! EASY IS IT?! FIND THE WAY OUT OF THIS!!' Bill screamed, as he picked up the television, and threw it out of the window, killing a Spiteful Crow and knocking the Dean unconcious. He ran out, still screaming gibberish.

'What the heck got into him?'

'Maybe he's got something against the Yellow Brick Road?'

'Haha.. Brick Road. Doesn't that just sound funny to you? Say it.. brick road.. heheh.'

'Well, no, not really. It's not that funn-'

'Yeah, well.. I think it's hilarious so from now on we're calling Bill 'BrickRoad'.'

'Ok.'

'Sure'

'Whatev lol 8)'

BrickRoad was now a recluse, and you were more likely to see bigfoot taking a shower than see him around the University. Months passed, and, due to BrickRoad's nature of staying in his dorm, he was failed from Engineering and Robotics 101, whilst his friends went on to finish their courses, and obtained their degrees.

Before the end of the academic year, Ted was celebrating his recent success; he had been given a prestigious award for his discovery of the Exit Mouse, and accepted into the Scientific Elites of Eagleland. However, he was often haunted by his memories of Bill, and wanted to see him before he left for good. He open the rusted, creaky door.

'Bill..?'

BrickRoad turned around with a shifty eye. He looked like crap. His hair had soon withered away, yet he had not shaved for months, so he was sporting a huge beard and moustache. He was caked in dirt. He also looked pretty hungry.

'Ah! TED! My old friend!' he was clearly delirious, 'don't think you've got me beat!'

'I don't th-'

'Enough chit chat! This.. is my latest design!'

BrickRoad unrolled a long blueprint. It looked like a deformed giant mixed with a sandcastle on top.

'Ted.. imagine, if, one day, I was able to make the ultimate maze?'

'Well, the last maze you made was pretty good.'

'Oh, I know, wasn't it? So I thought to myself, there must be something missing from the design; it's not intimidating enough.'

'Uh.. huh?'

'So, the only logical explanation was to make it huge. Bigger than the University, Ted.'

'What?'

'And put it into a robot. A walking robot with a fortess on it's head. And submarines! Submarines.. darn Beatles.. where do I live? WHO CARES?!'

'Bill, I have to go. This is creepy. You need help. That's why I bought Prof. Bubbles to help you.'

'But.. Prof. Bubbles is.. a duck!'

'...'

BrickRoad became obsessed with mazes, in a vague hope to create an unsolveable maze. Inside a robot.

And that's what happened. It's all true, right down to the quotes.

-Hawien Shertz


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