Theories topic for the week of January 18 - January 25, 2012:

In Earthbound, you come across a tablet. On the tablet, in the ancient hieroglyphs of the Scarabans, is the story of an ancient struggle with an evil power, and the prophecy of its return. I asked you what this REALLY meant, and two of you delivered some FANTASTIC Theories.

Theory of the Week:

The hieroglyphs, huh?
This requires some explanation. Scarabans have passed down this tale for many ages...

In the early '900's, a dark
shadow covered a small
desert town in rural Scaraba.
At that time, a young couple
vanished mysteriously from their home.

The man's name was not important.
The woman's name was not important.
But what _is_ important, is the Scarabans didn't like it.
Armed with bags filled with poisonous snakes, fried bean croquettes(which Gen-san in Scaraba loves to make), and primitive, deadly, demonic death rays, which somehow everyone in the world had at that time, they began a full-frontal assault on the entire alien race.
The race became furious, and an all-out war began.

Two years later, as suddenly
as they left, the couple returned.
They told everyone where they had been,
and what they had done...
they simply went on vacation.

The alien race was unhappy for being blamed for the couple's disappearance and vowed to return every thousand years or so...
They thought it'd be funny to plant some fake runes throughout Scaraba every thousand years so that archaologists would think they made a big find, when in reality, the hieroglyphs were gibberish.

The last archaological "find" was just a piece of rock that says "Starman DX was here," and a crudely-drawn picture of a kitty cat.

- BB Gang Zombie

You know, I could use these with no problem... and I sure coulde use them:

From the ashened questions we let burn out, Pheen-X's distant cousin tries to bring these questions back to life, with an inferno of answers. This weeks question, did the Scarabians face Giygas all those years ago? Well...yes and no. You see, I've obtained the ability to read heiroglyphics from my great-great-great-great grandfather Copy Write(yes, it was a strange name). And on my latest vacation, I decided to read these heiroglyphics myself, with some astonishing results.

You see, the Giygas that was mentioned in the glypics...well, I noticed a notch in the rock that made the glyphic for U look like an I and there was a space that wasn't noticed in the stone. So it wasn't "Giygas" it was actually "Guy gas". And it appears they did defeat it...for the mere price of $9.95! These heiroglyphs...were an advertisement that went something like this.

Fellow Scarabians! Have you recently planned a large feast for the royal family, but that fear of passing gas got you scared for losing your head? Well worry no more! With the Phar-B-No! Just take 5 capsules and within only 7 days, you'll pass gas no more. With many magical properties that are far too complicated to explain, you'll never fret over that large meal again! Take it with your lunchbox, your quick food dinner, or even to your casket. For with Phar-B-No, You can defeat any guys gas(that's the line). *warning, results may vary. You have a slight chance of a spontaneous explosion. Do not take if you're human. If you are human HAHA you didn't read the small print. Hopefully you aren't married, or you may actually be done a favor.*

Wow...luckily that didn't catch on...hopefully. Then again, with other "medicines" nowadays, this'd just fit in now wouldn't it? Maybe this is why we weren't told the whole wording on the stone, they might have known what it said...and, well I guess no one would want to know about that medicine(especially when they showed the picture of what the capsule looked like *shiver* no thanks).

Well, I was hoping I didn't have to rememer that heiroglyph, but...I did. And so, another question is left to spontaneously combust. And thus, this is Pheen X Write saying, just walk it off.

- firej7

Wow... some very strong links between Mother 1 and 2 here:

A hieroglyph found in the Summers Cultural Museum reveals some very interesting EarthBound backstory, and even describes what could have been humanity’s first encounter with Giygas’ race. I am going to attempt to decipher this information…

“To fight against the invaders, we built this pyramid fortress. However, our efforts were futile, and we lost. Nonetheless, our pyramid was protected by the gods of Scaraba. The invaders will be reborn every millennium and will attack again. Even now, the invaders hide beyond space and time and build their evil stronghold. A place out of time is beyond the Dark, and is even farther beyond the Lost Underworld. The Deep Darkness is shrouded, it is without light. Only one with the Hawk eye can pierce the dark. The Sphinx now watches over everything, waiting for the coming of a truly brave hero.”

To start, we know that the ancient people of Scaraba did not initially succeed in their attempt to defeat these alien invaders. Instead, their pyramid was protected by the gods of Scaraba. But how exactly was it protected? I think the pyramid was defended with PSI, which was utilized by the gods of Scaraba, as portrayed by the living hieroglyphs that you see when Ness enters the pyramid. This also explains why they are called “Guardian Hieroglyphs”, because they are guarding the pyramid, its inhabitants, and the Hawk Eye from the invaders. What probably happened was that the gods protected the pyramid by possessing the hieroglyphs within it and re-animating the defeated bodies of the Scarabians (the Shattered Men and Royal Guards). This may have been what drove the invaders off 1000 years ago. It would also prove to be a trial for the “truly brave hero” who would eventually come for the Hawk Eye and defeat the invaders, which ended up being Ness.

Between these two events, the invaders would be hiding beyond time and space, building their power for the next invasion, which would have taken place in the early 1900’s. George and Maria might have been abducted prior to the next invasion so that Giygas’ race could learn more about humans, and discover their weaknesses. However, we know that things took an unexpected twist in the backstory of Mother 1, with George escaping back to Earth and developing his “odd study”. And what is this “place out of time” beyond Deep Darkness and the Lost Underworld? The Cave of the Past. This is the place that serves as a base for Giygas’ army. It is a “bizarre dimension”, as described by Pokey, and EVE refers to it as the “edge of the universe”. This also explains why the invaders may have attacked in the first place: to take/destroy the Hawk Eye, because it was the item that would end up eventually revealing their hiding place, leading to an inevitable defeat…




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