What would you do if you were reid for a day?

Boy, what an excellent question. There are so very many things I'd do if I was reid for a day that quite frankly I don't think a day would be enough to do them all!

Primarily, I'd work on instituting a new site design. What's wrong with the current one, you ask? Not much, really, but Starmen.Net is known for changing designs at a frequent rate, and the current one's been around for quite some time. It's time to try something fresher, something newer. Something involving Fobbies.

I'd then go on to handle certain chat 'difficulties.' Over the years, #earthbound has strayed increasingly from Starmen.Net, so much so to the point that it really can't be considered the official channel of the website anymore. I'd change that right away. Away with the invite system -- everyone should be allowed to partake in the EarthBoundy goodness. The only reason for the current invite system is because there are so few ops, and an even smaller semblance of management. Two or three years ago, this wasn't the case. Sure there were lamers (the primary reason for keeping the channel on invite), but you also had ops who were willing to deal with them, and it made things exciting. I personally think that at this point, #earthbound is on a decent server, and the so-called 'lamers' that the current system was instituted for couldn't care less anymore. Therefore, as Czar of Starmen.Net, I would declare the liberation of #earthbound and re-establish its connections to the site.

I'd then set to work evaluating the current performance of the staff. Sure, you have your reliable staff members -- SimonBob, SLing, and GiS (;D) to name a few -- but at least sixty percent of the site or more has gone to the black void of eternity due to lack of interest. Where have the flukes gone? Where have the polls gone? The fan art, the poems and songs, the articles? I certainly didn't take articles with me when I resigned from staff, so there should be no reason why it and many other essential sections of the website are lacking in staff 'motivation'. So, after reviewing this, I'd sadly have to address these sections' maintainers, and see if something can be done about it -- be it stern warnings or outright replacement with new hopefuls. There was a time at Starmen.Net where there were at least 10 updates a day, each from a different section. Now you're lucky if you can get three. I'd make sure to change that right away.

Additionally, I'd finally get that convention report done -- and not only the one of summer 2001, but the recent summer of 2002 one. The stories in and of themselves have been sitting around, gathering dust, and they need to be told. I'd also finally get the gears of progress moving on that huge EarthBound walkthrough that was planned over a year ago, but never got off the ground due to lack of interest. I know for a fact that the text of the walkthrough is done, and so much work has been done on it already that it would be a shame for it to fall by the wayside.

I'd get some new merchandise in the works. Meeellla's work is amazing, and it definitely should be shared with the world. Plus, who WOULDN'T want Starmen.Net Boxers? ;D

Lastly, I'd probably write some big ol' motivational front page posts where I wax philosophically about the community. I'd do this just because I'm the Czar and I can. I'd feel it was my duty as one of the co-webmasters of Starmen.Net to motivate the community to a stronger sense of purpose. I'm almost positive that there is still a strong sense of unity in most people here, but it's really lying dormant. Big projects like NP Siege and the Petition tend to bring out that unity, but on the whole, dissention on the forums and elsewhere tend to break it apart. People still want to get "Back in the Game", they just need someone to lead them there. And as one of the major voices at Starmen.Net, it would be my duty to do such.

Like I said, this was a very intriguing topic, and I enjoyed speculating on it. There are so many things I would do as reid to make this site a better place for everyone, and though I'm sure reid would do the very things I have mentioned, he's mighty busy and just doesn't have the chance to most of the time. :/ Yet still, in Czar we trust. ;D Hope you enjoyed this letter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

--Falcon24



Congrats on writing a Letter of the Week Wow, what a totally excellent letter. Probably the best letter I've ever received. I can tell you actually thought about this letter...something that doesn't always happen. (GiS glares at Grampa) You do give the credit where it's due, but your ideas certainly would revolutionize the site. The only drawback is that such thought makes me want to assemble an army and follow Falc as he overthrows the Czar. -_- Heh, kidding, reid. Reid's given so much to all of us, and I doubt anyone ever realizes how much work maintaining this site, especially with college. (Without which he would surely implement some of your ideas.) Oh, and remember, Eggy isn't lazy. He was busy running the Funfest. He actually did manage some Poems and Songs updates in between though. Eggy is the opposite of lazy.

It's a shame you couldn't really be reid for a day though, just so you could bring all this to the site, drive out the negative parts, and most importantly reawake the sense of all of us to get back in the game.

--GuyInSummers



Well, I'd have to agree GiS picked your letter for Letter of The Week with good reasoning, Falc. All of your ideas sound pretty good. Almost like ideas for a Starmen.net utopia. The thing is alot of what you said is really what the site needs. Updates in some areas of the site really need to be made, and perhaps being more strict with staffers would do the trick. However, it is true what you said. reid must be busy with college and his life, as are most staffers, forum goers and everyone in between. I don't think that just because the site is growing that the quality and standards of the EB community should falter or change in any way. Congrats on the branding!

--Arad

Well duh, I'd ditch the whole "Earthbound" deal and set out to make this a pokemon site. EVERYONE WOULD JUST LOVE THAT.

I considered writing something quality for once, but figured it would be against my normal character traits if I didn't.

Oh, and I'd fire that GiS guy right away because he hardly ever updates :p

Peace

--Arad

P.S. Gis you need to stop taking my line, "peace" is solely the line of Arad, and is not to be used without consent of the owner. ;D



Kikiki oekki ki oikki.

(Crap, I used the corresponder's letter in Mailbag again.)

~GiS



Hey Arad, how about next time you have nothing quality say, just don't write anything at all. Honestly what nerve! Er.....

--Arad

First I'd stomp into the site demanding there to be a Democracy. I'd be voted out, but say, "Wait, WTF, I own this site!" and kick everyone else out. Then I'd start back from scratch, with silly little screenshots of Mother and Mother2, set up three forums: one for EB0; one for EB; and one for what I'll officially title "Super EarthBound", and the spotlight of the site would be what I like to call "3-D Saturn Valley". Then I'd eventually run out of money and wonder how those guys I kicked out faired so well when they lost me. Bleh, who needs a .Net anyway when you have Geocities!

--The Losar



Reinventing the wheel, eh? There certainly are times when rebuilding everything from the ground up can be very relieving and helpful. However, I personally think Starmen.net's twisted and maniacal history only adds to the overall effect. Except you forgot one vital thing - NEVER start a site like that unless you have the aid of an old Italian dude with inheritance!

~GiS



Well everyone had to have started somewhere, right? Actually, I really wish I could have been around when the site was just starting up, and the community was probably alot smaller and more personal. But on the other hand, I like seeing how the Starmen.net of today has become one big site of dedicated fans and staffers. But to be around back in the day and see how the site has developed must be something.

--Arad

Reid does a wonderful job and it would be near impossible to top him. For all the years put into this website-thinking about the work is just crazy.

But being the type of person that hates dry spells on this website (right now), I would do something to keep morale going, that is, if I was Reid.

First I would rework the layout to something new and interesting but that doesnt hurt the eye or the quality which the layout has now. Second I would get on a few staffers cases to update more because they havent since last January *ahem* Plo *cough*. Third, Id invent a hundred new merchandise items because there is far too little. Fourth, so not to be a hypocrite about Plo, I would FINISH the Sm.net Convention Summer 2001 diary and then make plans to have another one. And lastly, the fifth thing to do is to write a articulated article that tells all the kids that brown nose me/Reid in the forums should stop doing so because people like Psionic Brawler dont like to read that Reid is some type of god because hes the Webmaster of a website.

But alas, Im not Reid...

--Psionic Brawler



Yes, the dry spells can get a tiny bit boring...but I don't think it would take anything too major to cure that. And you're right, brownnosing reid is bad.

...wait....did you say "Reid"? Tell me you didn't say "Reid". I, reid's #1 Fan, am going to have to kick your can for that! YOU'RE ALL BANNED!

...yes, very bad. Don't be a brownnoser, kids.

~GiS



I see where you are coming from with getting on staffer's cases to update. It really is important that the staffer for each section really enjoy updating. it shouldn't be a chore to get online and update, but more like fun to see that you are a person in the community that people rely on for getting their bit of EB goodness for the day. Plo should worry about Hard Trivia, no doubt, but he has been doing alot of other things to make sure the site is running smoothly. Giving out badges to people who have been waiting on them, etc. Thus, he still really cares about the site, and is taking alot of work off of reid I'm sure. Personally, I'm really looking forward to the Convention updates. It's interesting to see that Starmen.net isn't just a bunch of insane disfunctional people online, they are the same way in real life! CRACK PIE!

--Arad

Oh, man. I would hate to be reidman, even for a day. Let's face it, he rarely appears on the forums or IRC anymore, which probably means he's really busy at college. My day as reid would probably be spent listening to math seminars and doing humongous projects.

On the off-chance I got to be reid during some period of time when he's not doing that (ie. Christmas or summer) I'd still be kinda wary about setting foot on the site. Around every corner, a reg would be all set to pounce on me, demanding something that I only vaguely remember promising to give them so many months ago. Newbs would be clamouring to talk to me, the reid, just because they'd have heard my name spoken with reverence. And everyone would be demanding my new site layout! I'd never get a moment's peace.

The one thing I would definitely want to do as reid would be to play Continuum with my mad bombing skillz. FWOOSH, KAPOW!! I'd blast the heck outta everyone! That's a stress reliever any way you look at it. :)

--- SimonBob



Oo, somebody who doesn't want to be a tyrannical czar! It's very interesting to take a look at the less desirable aspects of reid's life. It also makes me feel guilty, 'cuz I remember clamoring to talk to the reid once. I never thought about what things are like from his end of the barrel. He sure does do a great job of things though. And dang, I can't stand them bombing skills. I was so close to walloping the reid when I was overcome with the sexiness of his skills. Dang those skillz. Fine perspective-siming, Simon.

~GiS



Interesting to look at things from reid's point of view. Of course, reid must still take alot of pride in this site. It's his and Tomato's work, he must be proud, despite all the harships, pressure, and expectations that come with being the webmaster and co-owner of the site. But you have to respect reid for that much. Balancing all the work at college, his friends, family, and then after all that, still being able to make an update telling everyone to wish a very happy birthday to so and so staffer. :)

But hey, it is alot of work, and for that, we salute you, mr. reid. *salutes* As of now, I'd have to say I've always wanted to find out if, growing up in Indiana, reid developed any basketball talent along with those html and web design skills. ME AND YOU ON THE COURT ANY TIME REID :O!

--Arad

What would I do, if I had reid's ultimate influence and power? Well, the first thing I would do, actually, is make the original Bub & Bob compatible for Windows. See, I downloaded this.. thing called Bub & Bob Gold for Windows, BUT IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME! I played Bub & Bob on my cousin's Mac, and we made up a little song to go with the music: 'Cause we're Bub and Bo-ob, we're on a mission, to kill all the ghosts and toasters. 'Cause we're Bub and Bo-ob, we're on a mission, to kill all the ghosts and toasters! Magic staffs aaand treasure chests, martinis and riiing pops! .. Etcetera, etcetera. And the music isn't the same for Windows so I can't sing it on my version! This makes me sad.

What? Oh. What would I change on Starmen.Net. It's a tough question. It seems like this site is perfect already, and I'd have a hard time thinking of anything to put in there. More sections? Well, it seems that we've got them all. Better layout? Of course not, this one's perfect. Better staffers? Nah, the staffers are awesome. So what would I change?

Actually, I would change just one thing: The contests. Now that the funfest is over, I am left with an insatiable funfesty craving. So I demand more funfests to fill the gap! Or maybe just to have AoE updated..

Well, that's my two cents for this week. And don't forget to donate to the 'Let Pancake Get Bub & Bob With Cool Music for Windows' foundation!

--Pancake



Pay no attention to following response from Arad. He is obviously delusional. ;)

~GiS



Hmmm, I'd love to donate to your cause, but see, my money has to go towards more meaningful things. Like hopefully a Gamecube or something actually important ;) I'd have to disagree with you though on the awesome staffers thing though. See, there's this one dude, GuyinSummers....

--Arad

First, I'd soil myself.

Then, after getting a fresh change of undies, I'd make my way to the living room where my computer resides. It's a good ol' Dell that usually gets the job done. Oh, but I ramble. Allow me to get back to the topic: If I were reid for a day, how would I change Starmen.net?

First, I'd change the layout. Don't get me wrong. It rocks, but I think it's time for something fresh and new. Maybe some more vibrant colors or something.

Next, I'd make it site law that you must visit the Fanfics section and read at least one fanfic before visiting the forums. You take a test on the story afterwords and depending on how good you did, you get to stay on the forums for that long. This would be done to increase the popularity of the site's greatest, but most under-rated section. (I can hear SimonBob squealing with glee already)

After that, I'd add a board to the forum, just for Kung-Fu movies because everyone likes a good Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee flick. Hiyaaaah!!!

After that, I'd change the colors of the other boards to suit their "personalaties." I'd also give the SSB/M board their own set of unique icons (one for each fighter). Oh, I'd also give myself the coolest avatar. It would be the red NINTENDO logo, but the DO part would be be covered with a spray painted X. On top of the X'd out DO, there's a spray painted 1. All of this is against a brick background, and below it says, "Just another brick in the wall..." I'd give out a few avatars to the cool people on the site, and make my own badge that would be like my seal of approval. It'd be a picture of a seal (the animal) wearing some shaded and giving the thumbs up with his flipper.

I'd also set up an EB0 event like the EBFG. Oh, and I'd add a SSB story quest thing to the section. Check out the SSB/M board if you don't know what I'm talking about. I would put the SSB/M Trivia on the main page. SuperSmashKid does the best job to make that trivia the best this board has seen. Plus, I'm one of the highest scoreres. I'd also make "scorer" a word if it isn't already...

--Ninten1



Well, reid certainly has the power to create his own words. Like topicky. That word is pure reid.

~GiS



Hey hey, let's not get carried away now. Being reid doesn't mean you can make a Kung- Fu board. Altering the English language however is still game. I think your view go along with alot of people on a fresh layout however. For me, it was interesting to see the Halloween layout because this was my first time around the site during the Funfest. It's a shame that time restricts so many neat things getting done around the site, but hopefully during the upcoming Thanksgiving and Winter breaks, we'll see some very neat stuff going on at the site. Heh, hey, Ninten1, if you ever do become the next reid, I'll want one of those "Seal" of approval badges. HARTY HARHAR GET IT? ;)

--Arad

The first change would come in the donor system. You go on the forums you see way to many people with just an Avatar and a Dollar sign. I mean, the badge is alright, but an avatar should be kept for special use; if every one has one they become less special.

--Anonymous



Actually, I fully agree. Avatars are supposed to be hard to get signs of honor. Now, they can be purchased. I bet half the people that donate only do so for an avatar. That's not donating. That's buying.

Oh, the author of this letter chose to remain nameless after later looking over his letter and deciding that he sounded as if he was high on caffeine. He was.

~GiS



Aw darn, I wanted to donate more money so I could get an avatar....er....that is...uh...... But I fully agree with you, (anonymous). Avatars are suposed to be solely earned, and I think making them a gift for being gracious to the site leads to corruption among those who only look for an avatar, and for those who really did want to donate to the site, it ruins the appreciation. I've only been here 6 months, and it seems people who have been here even earlier than me already have alot of swag.

--Arad

I'm a newbie here, so I'm assuming Reid is the webmaster.

He should add scans of the EarthBound player guide!

I just bought a mint condition copy of Earthbound, but it didn't come with the box or player guide. (btw, I got it for only $20)

I'm sure I'm not the only person who doesn't have the player guide. Please! Put up scans of the Earthbound player guide!

--Runes



Nope, Reid isn't the webmaster. reid is. Reid, reid. ried, Ried. Yo comprende? Tu comprends? Excellent. Oh, and welcome to Starmen.net! Enjoy your time here.

~GiS



Rune? Is that you?

--Arad

I could not be reid for a day. If I tried, I would be destroyed by my own brilliant aura of power and reidfulness.

That said, I propose the following changes:

1) W3 f0rc3 4nth4dd t0 typ3 1n l33t§p33k, l1k3 th1§.

2) The Contest Formerly Known as EASY Trivia be restored to the person who originally started it, and who would update it once per week.

3) We change the "Interactive Fiction" forum to the "Persons Dedicated to the Ultimate Destruction of Cheese" forum. This would have no direct effect upon the site itself but would be a major step forward for humanity in general.

4) For the love of all things holy, enslave someone (and here I am thinking of Plo, or, if he is not available, Jamie_M) and tie them into a computer chair and not allow them to leave, even for food or bathroom breaks, until they have purged the flukes section of all the horribly bad flukes. (Figure on this taking 6-8 months. Do you realize how many bad flukes there are?)

5) Offer my pants as a funfest prize. Nothing would increase people's desire to make a good funfest entry like this.

6) Hire a team of crack assassins to kidnap Zeth from wherever he's hiding and force him to return to #earthbound.

7) Find SLing a real staff job, as opposed to running the Contest Formerly Known as Distortovision. (I don't know if you were around three years ago, but back then, stardemon ran a contest called "distortovision," which was identical to what is now called "SLing's Secret Screenshots.")

8) A long time ago, we did two things that we ought to do again, as they were highly successful the first time we did them: A trivia tournament (previously done about three years ago by guruzeth) and an essay contest (previously done about two years ago, primarily by reidman, which for a time invigorated the articles section, which is just about dead at this point.)

9) Organize a group of serious EarthBound fanatics from those who signed the petition, which group would march on Washington and demand a constitutional amendment requiring the release of Mother 3 in English in North America by 2005. I'm pretty sure the only organization in the world that is less responsive than the federal government is NOA.

10) Pay GuyInSummers however much money he wants to continue running the mailbag forever. If he refuses, check into whether The Artist Formerly Known as CPTCrunch is available.

-- The Artist Formerly Known as CPTCrunch



Heh, I'm flattered. Not to worry, I don't plan on leaving. Er...but you could still pay me to make sure! :D

Er, I'm tired. You wrote an excellent letter, but unfortunately this week you're the one who gets the honor of being the last letter to which I reply. Such person always receives a very brief and tired reply from me. Kindly enjoy Arad's response while I ... I ...

(Zzz...)

~GiS



I'd have to say my enjoyment after reading this one is nothing short of spazzing out from laughing.. I think pants for funfest prizes are erally what this site needs, more than anything else. I wish some sections would be updated as well, such as articles. Oh well, hopefully someone will do something about it. It seems to be a pattern that most of the oldies at the site miss alot of the things Starmen.net used to do. After hearing about some of the stuff the site used to do, I feel sort of jealous I couldn't have been around at the time. But that's not to say I don't think the site is doing well now. Starmen.net is still growing in popularity, steadily but surely. But comeon, you wouldn't have to pay GiS to continue running mailbag forever. I'm sure he'd want you to give me the money instead.

--Arad

There is only one reid; if I were to become reid for a day, the world would implode in on itself, and thus sm.net would be gone.

Please don't upset the czar.

--KoW



Actually, if you become reid, reid would simply become KoW. If there's one thing I've learned about theoretical physics, it's to not take it seriously.

~GiS



Forget Michael Jordan, I wanna be like reid.

--Arad

I'd make everything purple! :D

--KindarSpirit



YAY! :D :D :D

~GiS



I knew I wasn't the only one!

--Arad

I... I wouldn't do anything. It think it's fine the way it is now, huh.

--MadWilliamVane



It's about time somebody said that. Good man. At least somebody appreciates what we get.

~GiS



Well now there's a young un' who appreciates what he's got, most of you kids today don't appreciate that back in my day we had to wait 15 minutes for pictures to load on websites! Actually I really think Starmen.net is pretty good as it is now as well, but change and all the ideas everyone has would help the site out alot.

--Arad

Let's see... if I were Reid for a day, I would force my subjects to obey my every whim, and construct a statue of solid gold in my honor. Then, They would have to sing the "Reidman Kicks (bunnies)" Song every day as a tribute to my near-omnipotent greatness. Third, I would hire wenches; lots and lots of wenches. ...Oh yeah, and I'd speed up the site's servers, and every once in a while, I would actually UPDATE.*

(*Note: A few points in this letter have been slightly exaggerated; for example, I would most likely not update.)

--Da Foo



Here's another response I was expecting to be much more common. You can't tell me you're the only person who'd like to tyrannically dominate everybody. I think we'd all like to try that.

~GiS




Oh comeon, it's not like we are all reid's slaves.....right.......guys? Oh whoops, gotta run, I'm late for my daily reidman worship. Peace.

--Arad

Well done! You most certainly succeeded in making 30 our new norm. We in fact broke 35. Incredibly impressive. I also liked this week because unlike the would-you-like-to-be-a-staffer question, I got more compliments than death threats. That's...usually a good thing. How you can all be such great Mailbaggers is beyond me, but keep up the great work. No, I mean it. Go Mailbag now. K thanks. :D PEACE. Sue me Arad. ^_^