No topic! Woo.
News:
Mailbag for December 23rd, 2002
Ohno My Word!
Wow, no topic? Yay, I get to be creative. I guess I'll write about what most people are writing about. The upcoming regoodization. Seems cool enough, and I know I'm excited. I think aside from the physical changes you will be able to see, the spirit at the site which you can feel will grow as well. I like how reid has decided to crack down on idiocy and cynicism in the forums in order to improve them and make them ":D"
I also am looking forward to seeing 3 new staffers, hopefully of which will be myself. I applied for articles along with 10000000000 other people for a chance to help out the site in a new way.
Things are looking good, and I can't wait to see what's to come.
PEACE. (Copyright 2002 Arad Nahk)
--Arad
Interestingly, very FEW people discussed the regoodization. The staffers definately were discussed, however. I’m greatly looking forward to the seletion of the new staffers. After all, this will mean I’m no longer part of the newest group of staffers! It’ll be the first time I get to do the welcoming. And if it’s you I have to welcome, well that will be just plain cool. Good luck!
--GuyInsummers
Anyone whose reading this who has their hopes up for those 3 staffer positions, don't hold your breath. Tomato already told me I'd be getting AT LEAST two of them, so your odds aren't too good.
--godofcows
I also am looking forward to seeing 3 new staffers, hopefully of which will be myself. I applied for articles along with 10000000000 other people for a chance to help out the site in a new way.
Things are looking good, and I can't wait to see what's to come.
PEACE. (Copyright 2002 Arad Nahk)
--Arad
Interestingly, very FEW people discussed the regoodization. The staffers definately were discussed, however. I’m greatly looking forward to the seletion of the new staffers. After all, this will mean I’m no longer part of the newest group of staffers! It’ll be the first time I get to do the welcoming. And if it’s you I have to welcome, well that will be just plain cool. Good luck!
--GuyInsummers
Anyone whose reading this who has their hopes up for those 3 staffer positions, don't hold your breath. Tomato already told me I'd be getting AT LEAST two of them, so your odds aren't too good.
--godofcows
Bzzt Wrong
The Physics of Not Having a Topic
If you expect people to send something into mailbag, you gotta have a topic. Without it you could endanger many. People will become grief ridden and confused and send in wacky letters like this one. If you really care about your family and the world, youll think next time and cme up with an actual topic, instead of the absence of one. Its like the time I tried to rub two erasers together, hoping that they would erase out each other and create a negative space, erupting into a black hole and sucking me into darkness for eternity. Actually, all that happened was it made hot.
Sincerely,
--bound-earth
Er, I appreciate your physics lesson, but the thing is - I’m on vacation now. And everybody knows that when somebody’s on a school vacation, all learning, intelligence, and symptoms of insomnia become null and void. Nice try, anyway.
--GuyInSummers
Ok, since I don't really care for this question, I'm going to ignore it and talk about something else. I wanna talk about how much of a kind and generous person I am. For months I've been asking the various mailbag staffers who've had this position to let me do this for just ONE mailbag and my pleas have been ignored. And now, GuyInSummers needs me to fill in for whoever he dropped at the last minute, and barely gives me any time to do this, telling me about it at 11 last night, and expecting me to have my answers to him by 12 noon. Well, being the kind hearted and forgiving guy that I am, I went ahead and helped him out. You see that, godofcows is now officially the nicest person in the community.
--godofcows
If you expect people to send something into mailbag, you gotta have a topic. Without it you could endanger many. People will become grief ridden and confused and send in wacky letters like this one. If you really care about your family and the world, youll think next time and cme up with an actual topic, instead of the absence of one. Its like the time I tried to rub two erasers together, hoping that they would erase out each other and create a negative space, erupting into a black hole and sucking me into darkness for eternity. Actually, all that happened was it made hot.
Sincerely,
--bound-earth
Er, I appreciate your physics lesson, but the thing is - I’m on vacation now. And everybody knows that when somebody’s on a school vacation, all learning, intelligence, and symptoms of insomnia become null and void. Nice try, anyway.
--GuyInSummers
Ok, since I don't really care for this question, I'm going to ignore it and talk about something else. I wanna talk about how much of a kind and generous person I am. For months I've been asking the various mailbag staffers who've had this position to let me do this for just ONE mailbag and my pleas have been ignored. And now, GuyInSummers needs me to fill in for whoever he dropped at the last minute, and barely gives me any time to do this, telling me about it at 11 last night, and expecting me to have my answers to him by 12 noon. Well, being the kind hearted and forgiving guy that I am, I went ahead and helped him out. You see that, godofcows is now officially the nicest person in the community.
--godofcows
Heavy Beam?
...Crap.
I meant "Heavy." But I also meant "Beam." It was a Carollian slip.
Besides, you of all people - the self-proclaimed demigod/staffer of PK Hack, second only on the staff in your hacking prowess to Tomato - should have realized that it's a very hackable name.
I think that the problem lies not in the number of letters so much as the length. Somewhere along the way, maybe because of the Article hiatus, we lost this notion that letters aren't supposed to be really really long. I see the same problem in Theories. Maybe you should cut down on some letters, leaving the juicy bits and throwing out the peelings.
Why is the road to Twoson closed? An emergency, of course. At times like this, kids like you should be playing Nintendo games. Anyway, are you sure you want to go to Twoson? Okay, *chortle* Follow me.
Stop letting the Captain agree with me so often. We see eye to eye once again on the matter of the co-responders. I'll do it again, maybe the week after Funfest? We can do a post-Funfest-wrap-up-rock-out-type-thing.
And now for something completely different: A man with eight legs.
"He ran away!"
One last issue before I leave. I think that it's a darn shame that Aquas is leaving the Merchandise position. Aquas is an even-handed straight-shooting kind of guy, and I always enjoyed his updates, even if I never did auction on the things he carefully hunted down and listed for all of us. He's also the second-best Tetrinet player I've ever had the opportunity to duel with. Therefore, he gets my new anti-prize, a No-Miss Clear. At least he's not leaving forever like some staffers do. See ya round the forums, wat3r!
--- SimonBob
It sure would be a better price if you gave him a Very Hard Clear. Those are the two great tastes that taste great together.
Undoubtably, letters have gotten insanely long recently. Hopefully with Articles reopening people will take their essays there.
I have all intentions of doing a Funfest conclusion topic next week, and it would only be right to bring you back as corresponder. Happy holidays.
--GuyInSummers
I have to admit, I didn't read all of this. Sorry SimonBob, next time keep it short and sweet.
--godofcows
I meant "Heavy." But I also meant "Beam." It was a Carollian slip.
Besides, you of all people - the self-proclaimed demigod/staffer of PK Hack, second only on the staff in your hacking prowess to Tomato - should have realized that it's a very hackable name.
I think that the problem lies not in the number of letters so much as the length. Somewhere along the way, maybe because of the Article hiatus, we lost this notion that letters aren't supposed to be really really long. I see the same problem in Theories. Maybe you should cut down on some letters, leaving the juicy bits and throwing out the peelings.
Why is the road to Twoson closed? An emergency, of course. At times like this, kids like you should be playing Nintendo games. Anyway, are you sure you want to go to Twoson? Okay, *chortle* Follow me.
Stop letting the Captain agree with me so often. We see eye to eye once again on the matter of the co-responders. I'll do it again, maybe the week after Funfest? We can do a post-Funfest-wrap-up-rock-out-type-thing.
And now for something completely different: A man with eight legs.
"He ran away!"
One last issue before I leave. I think that it's a darn shame that Aquas is leaving the Merchandise position. Aquas is an even-handed straight-shooting kind of guy, and I always enjoyed his updates, even if I never did auction on the things he carefully hunted down and listed for all of us. He's also the second-best Tetrinet player I've ever had the opportunity to duel with. Therefore, he gets my new anti-prize, a No-Miss Clear. At least he's not leaving forever like some staffers do. See ya round the forums, wat3r!
--- SimonBob
It sure would be a better price if you gave him a Very Hard Clear. Those are the two great tastes that taste great together.
Undoubtably, letters have gotten insanely long recently. Hopefully with Articles reopening people will take their essays there.
I have all intentions of doing a Funfest conclusion topic next week, and it would only be right to bring you back as corresponder. Happy holidays.
--GuyInSummers
I have to admit, I didn't read all of this. Sorry SimonBob, next time keep it short and sweet.
--godofcows
Yay I’m Mad
GiS,
You're absolutely asking for it this week. No topic? Are you mad? First, I'd like to point out that I made a typo in last week's letter. I said "He seems like a touch of PSI", but should've said "He seems like he needs a touch of PSI". Also, the LotW winner, The Artist Formerly Known as CPTCrunch, also mentioned the HP Sucker, so I'm not alone. Hmm, I feel like saying two of my Christmas presents, which I got early, rock. The first is an Apple iPod, and the other is a DVD-ROM drive for my comp. Yay. I've been thinking of mentioning these on the forum, but it's seems too much like gloating. Also, this is probably going to be a long week for me. I'm off for the first full week of Winter Break from Michigan State, but my brother still has another week to go, so I'm going to be massively bored this week. So I might even submit to the Funfest. Oh man, I'm going on a random rant now, but whatever. I'd like to take this time to point out that I'm addicted to Laser Tag. *Pauses to change the song on his iPod.* My next game(s) is(are) on Saturday, so thank heavens for that. Y'know, I think I should've chosen a single topic to talk about and stuck with it, but I don't think that way. So, as a parting shot, I want to everyone to go read Vendetta and the rest of the Gaiden series. Ask Anthadd for the link to the complete Horizon if you must. /random rant.
--Drakenul
Dang, I missed a typo? Those are always fun sources of sarcasm, and sarcasm is fun. However, misreadings can be intersting as well. For example, I thought you said "Hmm, I feel like saying my Christmas present, which I got early - a rock." Well, that was a fun random rant in any case.
--GuyInSummers
Why is it ok for you to gloat in the mailbag but not on the forums?
--godofcows
You're absolutely asking for it this week. No topic? Are you mad? First, I'd like to point out that I made a typo in last week's letter. I said "He seems like a touch of PSI", but should've said "He seems like he needs a touch of PSI". Also, the LotW winner, The Artist Formerly Known as CPTCrunch, also mentioned the HP Sucker, so I'm not alone. Hmm, I feel like saying two of my Christmas presents, which I got early, rock. The first is an Apple iPod, and the other is a DVD-ROM drive for my comp. Yay. I've been thinking of mentioning these on the forum, but it's seems too much like gloating. Also, this is probably going to be a long week for me. I'm off for the first full week of Winter Break from Michigan State, but my brother still has another week to go, so I'm going to be massively bored this week. So I might even submit to the Funfest. Oh man, I'm going on a random rant now, but whatever. I'd like to take this time to point out that I'm addicted to Laser Tag. *Pauses to change the song on his iPod.* My next game(s) is(are) on Saturday, so thank heavens for that. Y'know, I think I should've chosen a single topic to talk about and stuck with it, but I don't think that way. So, as a parting shot, I want to everyone to go read Vendetta and the rest of the Gaiden series. Ask Anthadd for the link to the complete Horizon if you must. /random rant.
--Drakenul
Dang, I missed a typo? Those are always fun sources of sarcasm, and sarcasm is fun. However, misreadings can be intersting as well. For example, I thought you said "Hmm, I feel like saying my Christmas present, which I got early - a rock." Well, that was a fun random rant in any case.
--GuyInSummers
Why is it ok for you to gloat in the mailbag but not on the forums?
--godofcows
Ww, Its La!
Not only are there too many letters, there's too many letters IN the letters! I suggest the space-saving measure of deleting all but the first and the last letter of every word, and leaving people to guess what the person is trying to convey. It's like internet charades, only chunkier!
Just thought you ought to know.
P.S.- I would like to suggest asking the pringles can man if he'd like to be your co-responder. I'm sure he'd be much oblidged.
--Luna
Tk yu fr yr sn to Mg. Yr ia ws ad. He a hy hy! ...hy, tt ls cl. Ts sd be a nw rt in te Eh le. It cd ld to a lt of cn...bt hy, cn is fn! Oh, ad the Ps man ws by, so I gt gs. He it cp ad sy, bt hs sl fl of fy fn. La, my br ts yu ae sy.
Oh, and anybody who can interpret all of that wins a NERD badge.
--GuyInSummers
Luna, we have a problem with our wedding. My parents are refusing to come, but I don't care Luna. You're my one and only love, and I don't need my parents there on the day that we become one forever!
--godofcows
Just thought you ought to know.
P.S.- I would like to suggest asking the pringles can man if he'd like to be your co-responder. I'm sure he'd be much oblidged.
--Luna
Tk yu fr yr sn to Mg. Yr ia ws ad. He a hy hy! ...hy, tt ls cl. Ts sd be a nw rt in te Eh le. It cd ld to a lt of cn...bt hy, cn is fn! Oh, ad the Ps man ws by, so I gt gs. He it cp ad sy, bt hs sl fl of fy fn. La, my br ts yu ae sy.
Oh, and anybody who can interpret all of that wins a NERD badge.
--GuyInSummers
Luna, we have a problem with our wedding. My parents are refusing to come, but I don't care Luna. You're my one and only love, and I don't need my parents there on the day that we become one forever!
--godofcows
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
Hello. Happy Holidays.
--SirX-Wolf
*sniff*
Hap...Happy Holidays? *sob* That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me! Here...I was going to give this to my Dad, but...here's a gift. *sniff* Happy Holidays...*bawl*
--GuyInSummers
That's it? I'm not feeling your holiday spirit pal. Next time, say it with feeling mean, say it with feeling.
--godofcows
--SirX-Wolf
*sniff*
Hap...Happy Holidays? *sob* That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me! Here...I was going to give this to my Dad, but...here's a gift. *sniff* Happy Holidays...*bawl*
--GuyInSummers
That's it? I'm not feeling your holiday spirit pal. Next time, say it with feeling mean, say it with feeling.
--godofcows
I Are The Sneak
Open Topic you say? Well then I have to talk about something. Yes, I know, i'll talk about open topic! Good idea Guy In Summers, you give everyone a chance to talk about anything they want and you get to relax. Its a winning combination! Very sneaky. Very sneaky indeed. But hey, we all gotta be sneaky sometimes. Especially when your playing a good old classic game like perfect dark or goldeneye. However Guy In Summers, as you have though of a perfect plan, I have thought about all the things you forgot to think about when you posted this topic
LIST OF THINGS YOU FORGOT
-----------------------------------
1.How will you determine the letter of the week?
Um, thats all I can think of. oh you know what? If its open topic, then i can perhaps make another list with things that would make mailbag much cooler (it already is cool)!
LIST OF COOL THINGS FOR MAILBAG
-----------------------------------
1. Some kind of save feature: Yes I know, you think Im some kind of nerd but I was wondering if you could make some kind of feature where you can save what you have typed so far. It's not so much for me but for the very good writers such CPT CRUNCH. (Keep up the good work CRUNCH!) Look at that letter, its so long i sometimes get lazy and end up reading about half of it( Not cause its bad writing, cause its long) but its still good. Now, Im sure that if someone wrote a letter that long, they would feel kinda nervous since they could lose all that data if the pc crahsed (Ive had experiences like this before!). So a save feature would be cool. wow this is long for one idea, on to idea two!
2.Toolbar: Yes the good old fashioned toolbar, with all those tools for font, color, hyperlinks, etc. I know you can just type in the code and it will work but this toolbar could be for us non-nerds.
3.If you did make the toolbar, dont make it look crappy in anyway. Some are put together so bad, that I just want to throw up!
4. Lots of people say this is a family site and im supposing it is, even though i dont know any parents that play earthbound with their kids. Now if this is a family site, then im supposing that you have some kind of censor thingy that replaces a swear word with its meaning when you type it. For example, if I said the B-Word, then it might say female dog. This makes the person who typed the letter look like some kinda of wierdo (Ive had experience like this before)! So please just take it out if you do have one and give the person a warning if they swear or edit it somehow.
-----------------------------------
Ok thats pretty much it. Oh yes one more thing. About last weeks topic. I kinda had alot of coke (I mean alot) But the thing is, it was Vanilla coke. You see, I saw all that vanillaly fizz and thought, hmmm i am curious to see what that fizz tastes like, so using my CURIOSITY, i tasted it and bam, i went crazy. AVOID THE FIZZ AT ALL COSTS! Peace Out! :)
--NintenDan
...P...Perfect...Perfect Dark...
(GiS shoots out his hand, and NintenDan flies across the room, slamming violently against the wall)
That game! How DARE you remind me of that game!? I was so forking close...I unlocked EVERY cheat except All Guns in Solo!! I JUST NEED TO BEAT IT ON PERFECT AGENT BUT NOOO!! I CAN NOT BEAT STUPID LEVELS! It's just three freaking levels! Attack Ship, Maian SOS, and...CRASH SITE! YES CRASH SITE SO SHOOT ME! MUST BEAT LEVELS SO THAT I MAY OPEN WAR!!! AND GET ALL GUNS! KILL!! *!L$!^$&!
*phew* Well, that was relieving. Now, back to the letter. You have some tasty-o-licious suggestions for Mailbag, but interestingly, they're unnescesary. Why?
1) Oh, there is a save feature. Just click in the Mailbag letter submission box...hit Ctrl+A and Ctrl+V, and bingo! "Saved"! And if you're worried about crashes, just paste it into Notepad and hit...wait for it...save! (ooh! ahh!)
2) Lazy? Well I'm lazy too! So go be un-lazy. Tell all your lazy companions to mosey on over to http://htmlcodetutorial.com. Besides, Mailbag letters were never intended to be pretty and HTMLy anyway.
3) Moot. Hey, moot sounds like moo. YAY!
4) People who swear often sound stupid. Thus, I just help people see their stupidity more clearly. ...er, no offense to anybody I did this too. It's just fun. For example:
Mailbag Censor Chart
A** - large fleshy sphere
B**** - bunny
B****** - dude. I hug monkeys!
D*** - I am far too girly!
F*** - tickle
P*** - poke
S*** - OHNOS THEY ARE COMING FOR ME!!! THE WHITE SUITED MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE! NONOONONO-
As for Letter of the Week, there is none this week. Problem solved. Thank you for Mailbagging. ...oh, right.
(GiS drops his hand, and NintenDan slumps to the floor dead.)
--GuyInSummers
I have 10 minutes to finish responding to all of these. You think I'm gonna spend that time reading that ridiculously long letter? Forget about it.
--godofcows
LIST OF THINGS YOU FORGOT
-----------------------------------
1.How will you determine the letter of the week?
Um, thats all I can think of. oh you know what? If its open topic, then i can perhaps make another list with things that would make mailbag much cooler (it already is cool)!
LIST OF COOL THINGS FOR MAILBAG
-----------------------------------
1. Some kind of save feature: Yes I know, you think Im some kind of nerd but I was wondering if you could make some kind of feature where you can save what you have typed so far. It's not so much for me but for the very good writers such CPT CRUNCH. (Keep up the good work CRUNCH!) Look at that letter, its so long i sometimes get lazy and end up reading about half of it( Not cause its bad writing, cause its long) but its still good. Now, Im sure that if someone wrote a letter that long, they would feel kinda nervous since they could lose all that data if the pc crahsed (Ive had experiences like this before!). So a save feature would be cool. wow this is long for one idea, on to idea two!
2.Toolbar: Yes the good old fashioned toolbar, with all those tools for font, color, hyperlinks, etc. I know you can just type in the code and it will work but this toolbar could be for us non-nerds.
3.If you did make the toolbar, dont make it look crappy in anyway. Some are put together so bad, that I just want to throw up!
4. Lots of people say this is a family site and im supposing it is, even though i dont know any parents that play earthbound with their kids. Now if this is a family site, then im supposing that you have some kind of censor thingy that replaces a swear word with its meaning when you type it. For example, if I said the B-Word, then it might say female dog. This makes the person who typed the letter look like some kinda of wierdo (Ive had experience like this before)! So please just take it out if you do have one and give the person a warning if they swear or edit it somehow.
-----------------------------------
Ok thats pretty much it. Oh yes one more thing. About last weeks topic. I kinda had alot of coke (I mean alot) But the thing is, it was Vanilla coke. You see, I saw all that vanillaly fizz and thought, hmmm i am curious to see what that fizz tastes like, so using my CURIOSITY, i tasted it and bam, i went crazy. AVOID THE FIZZ AT ALL COSTS! Peace Out! :)
--NintenDan
...P...Perfect...Perfect Dark...
(GiS shoots out his hand, and NintenDan flies across the room, slamming violently against the wall)
That game! How DARE you remind me of that game!? I was so forking close...I unlocked EVERY cheat except All Guns in Solo!! I JUST NEED TO BEAT IT ON PERFECT AGENT BUT NOOO!! I CAN NOT BEAT STUPID LEVELS! It's just three freaking levels! Attack Ship, Maian SOS, and...CRASH SITE! YES CRASH SITE SO SHOOT ME! MUST BEAT LEVELS SO THAT I MAY OPEN WAR!!! AND GET ALL GUNS! KILL!! *!L$!^$&!
*phew* Well, that was relieving. Now, back to the letter. You have some tasty-o-licious suggestions for Mailbag, but interestingly, they're unnescesary. Why?
1) Oh, there is a save feature. Just click in the Mailbag letter submission box...hit Ctrl+A and Ctrl+V, and bingo! "Saved"! And if you're worried about crashes, just paste it into Notepad and hit...wait for it...save! (ooh! ahh!)
2) Lazy? Well I'm lazy too! So go be un-lazy. Tell all your lazy companions to mosey on over to http://htmlcodetutorial.com. Besides, Mailbag letters were never intended to be pretty and HTMLy anyway.
3) Moot. Hey, moot sounds like moo. YAY!
4) People who swear often sound stupid. Thus, I just help people see their stupidity more clearly. ...er, no offense to anybody I did this too. It's just fun. For example:
Mailbag Censor Chart
A** - large fleshy sphere
B**** - bunny
B****** - dude. I hug monkeys!
D*** - I am far too girly!
F*** - tickle
P*** - poke
S*** - OHNOS THEY ARE COMING FOR ME!!! THE WHITE SUITED MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE! NONOONONO-
As for Letter of the Week, there is none this week. Problem solved. Thank you for Mailbagging. ...oh, right.
(GiS drops his hand, and NintenDan slumps to the floor dead.)
--GuyInSummers
I have 10 minutes to finish responding to all of these. You think I'm gonna spend that time reading that ridiculously long letter? Forget about it.
--godofcows
Musical Fun
I'm just going to put in a song I wrote.
Eat the Soul-Eating Animals
By Da Foo
Monkeys eat your soul
Kittens eat your soul
Squirrels eat your soul
Bunnies do, too!
Butterflies eat your soul
Don't know why they eat your soul
The only thing left to do
Is to eat them first
Chorus:
You've gotta eat gorillas
You've gotta eat goats
You've gotta eat minnows
You've gotta eat stoats
You can pureéé all their brains
And pour the goo into a bowl
But you've gotta eat them all
Before they eat your soul!
Gah, I need more verses... any ideas, GiS?
Oh, yeah...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
-Da Foo
*ahem*
They may taste awful yucky
And make your stomach do a flip
But you'd gotta eat the puppies
or they'll munch your soul with dip.
No monkey ever went to jail
for eating someone's soul
But if you want to save the Earth
to eat them all should be your goal!
You've always heard the antidote
to vicious zombie bite -
Whenever something chomps your face
Bite them back with all your might!
A pug, a gold, a weiner dog,
a Sweedish Siamese,
they're all just dogs, they all eat souls,
so much their heads off please!
Do unto another
what another does to you
So if a moose should eat your arm
we all know what to do!
And then there's GuyInSummers
he doesn't have much cash
so you'd better send him money
or he'll squish your brains to hash!
That should work.
--GuyInSummers
Wow, GiS you had to make me co-respond on the week without a topic huh? So I get the pleasure of reading this kind of nonsense.
--godofcows
By Da Foo
Monkeys eat your soul
Kittens eat your soul
Squirrels eat your soul
Bunnies do, too!
Butterflies eat your soul
Don't know why they eat your soul
The only thing left to do
Is to eat them first
Chorus:
You've gotta eat gorillas
You've gotta eat goats
You've gotta eat minnows
You've gotta eat stoats
You can pureéé all their brains
And pour the goo into a bowl
But you've gotta eat them all
Before they eat your soul!
Gah, I need more verses... any ideas, GiS?
Oh, yeah...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
-Da Foo
*ahem*
And make your stomach do a flip
But you'd gotta eat the puppies
or they'll munch your soul with dip.
No monkey ever went to jail
for eating someone's soul
But if you want to save the Earth
to eat them all should be your goal!
You've always heard the antidote
to vicious zombie bite -
Whenever something chomps your face
Bite them back with all your might!
A pug, a gold, a weiner dog,
a Sweedish Siamese,
they're all just dogs, they all eat souls,
so much their heads off please!
Do unto another
what another does to you
So if a moose should eat your arm
we all know what to do!
And then there's GuyInSummers
he doesn't have much cash
so you'd better send him money
or he'll squish your brains to hash!
That should work.
--GuyInSummers
Wow, GiS you had to make me co-respond on the week without a topic huh? So I get the pleasure of reading this kind of nonsense.
--godofcows
The Holidays Bring out the Best
i luv u
--fuhghtauoaigjoasa
omg a/s/l
--GuyInSummers
Editor's Note
Our corresponder godofcows accidently forgot to reply to this letter. Sorry.
--fuhghtauoaigjoasa
omg a/s/l
--GuyInSummers
Our corresponder godofcows accidently forgot to reply to this letter. Sorry.
The Mailbag Celeb
In an attempt to make The Artist Formerly Known As CPTCrunch lose his spot as multi time consecutive winner, I will now attempt to write a letter of the week. And with an open mail bag topic, you have let the door open for my demons, cans of worms, and dogs to get out. So now I shall start the sensless blithering like a fool. You may want to go to the bathroom, cause if I have to turn this letter around, it won't be pretty. So here we go:
1. Have you ever had dreams about going on a mass killing spree after all of the camera men? Sometimes I just want to go after him with a Home Run Bat and shove it straight up his develp hole? And another thing. Where does this guy get the money to develp his film? Not from me, I know that. Maybe he has a secret life. Maybe his true identity also lies in the question of "When will Luna update?"(j/k Luna). But all in all the camera man must die.
2. You have to wonder if Mr. T ever played Earthbound. Let's just imagine that for one second. Mr. T in a big armchair, with a glass of milk in one hand and a controller in the other. What would he think when he saw his little Mr. T walking around a pixelated screen and having no real relivance to the game. I'd say he would be pretty mad. He might go lay the smack down on some Nintendo corporates. On the same note you have to wonder what other celebrities could have played EB. It makes you think(especially at 1 in the morning) what it would be like if Ozzy was playing. Would he use PSI Bite head off bat or PK Yell for Sharon? Who knows.
3. I wonder what it would have been like if on EB0 instead of Teddy it gave you the Immortal Hulk Hogan? Can you imagine Ninten, Ana, Loid, and the Hulkster hanging out in the woods looking for bad guys? Sheer madness barely scratches the surface of this situation.
4. You gotta wonder something about the petition. What if after all that time getting all those signatures, that Nintendo sends back a letter saying, "We're sorry, we have no plans to publish a new Earthbound." If I were reidman or tomato, I think that I would be a bit more than peeved. I mean 2 petitions down the drain just cause Nintendo wants to save a couple bucks panning a new Zelda game that from what we have seen has really bad graphics and no one will go near with a cattle prod. Yeah, I would be a bit psychotic after that.
5. Is Friday the 13th really a bad day? Some people consider it a good day. I have a theory about it. I say that the day does not actually in itself contain bad luck, but that it causes a state of mind to be in place that causes to have the person to believe that they will have bad luck. Unless you're playing EB and suddenly your SNES craps out on you, that you can blame on the Friday the 23th fairies.
6. I would kill to live in an EB like world wouldn't you? You can leave whenever you want, you have no bed times, you never get tired, you can carry around all the illegal equipment you want, and you dont have to worry about cops cause you can just knock em out if they hassle you. If there ever was a perfect world, it would be the world within the game cartridge that is Earthbound.
7. How do you think the words Earthbound should be typed? Should it be typed: EarthBound? Earth Bound? Earthbound? earthbound? EaRtHbOuNd? It gets confusing.
8. This is for the people who believe in Darwin's theory of evolution. Do you think if the race of Mr. Saturn were realy that they would evolve into humans. I believe that they would and that in time they would control us as slaves. We will one day live on Planet of the Saturns!
9. Ahem, I do believe it is Peanut Butter Jelly Time....¥¥
10. On this topic I shall end my usless blabbering with many small topics. So buckle up. I think small items like cookies should be visible in gameplay, I think that Everdred should become the next Dude Love after jumping off of his roof, in my opinion I believe that peace will someday come of the net when every thing on it is made free, and I believe that one day we shall see Ness triumph over Cloud, Chrono, Link, Ash, and all other RPG bum heads who oppose him. And so ends my rant, I shall put up my can of worms, close the door tight, call the pound to get the dogs, and get the Ghostbusters to capture my demons. I thank you for your time for listening to me and bid you au dieu. Peace- HBK
--Heartbreak Kid
I knew I should've mentioned the no-LotW-this-week thing...well, I guess I have no choice. I'll reply to your letter the same way I reply to everybody else's really long letters. One note at a time.
1) No.
2) I bet he'd be flattered, foo.
3) I'd feel sorry for cute, cuddy Giegue.
4) They will obey. THEY WILL!
5) I was born on Friday the 13th.
6) That'd be scary. What if I got h4x0r3d?
7) EarthBound.
8) I think they'll evolve into big Mr. Saturns.
9) Omelettte time, actually.
10) *head explodes*
--GuyInSummers
Alright kids, that's it for me. I have to make it to see Lord of The Rings by 12, I don't have time to finish this crap. Maybe next time I co-respond, I'll be given a little more time. I'M OUTTA HERE.
--godofcows
1. Have you ever had dreams about going on a mass killing spree after all of the camera men? Sometimes I just want to go after him with a Home Run Bat and shove it straight up his develp hole? And another thing. Where does this guy get the money to develp his film? Not from me, I know that. Maybe he has a secret life. Maybe his true identity also lies in the question of "When will Luna update?"(j/k Luna). But all in all the camera man must die.
2. You have to wonder if Mr. T ever played Earthbound. Let's just imagine that for one second. Mr. T in a big armchair, with a glass of milk in one hand and a controller in the other. What would he think when he saw his little Mr. T walking around a pixelated screen and having no real relivance to the game. I'd say he would be pretty mad. He might go lay the smack down on some Nintendo corporates. On the same note you have to wonder what other celebrities could have played EB. It makes you think(especially at 1 in the morning) what it would be like if Ozzy was playing. Would he use PSI Bite head off bat or PK Yell for Sharon? Who knows.
3. I wonder what it would have been like if on EB0 instead of Teddy it gave you the Immortal Hulk Hogan? Can you imagine Ninten, Ana, Loid, and the Hulkster hanging out in the woods looking for bad guys? Sheer madness barely scratches the surface of this situation.
4. You gotta wonder something about the petition. What if after all that time getting all those signatures, that Nintendo sends back a letter saying, "We're sorry, we have no plans to publish a new Earthbound." If I were reidman or tomato, I think that I would be a bit more than peeved. I mean 2 petitions down the drain just cause Nintendo wants to save a couple bucks panning a new Zelda game that from what we have seen has really bad graphics and no one will go near with a cattle prod. Yeah, I would be a bit psychotic after that.
5. Is Friday the 13th really a bad day? Some people consider it a good day. I have a theory about it. I say that the day does not actually in itself contain bad luck, but that it causes a state of mind to be in place that causes to have the person to believe that they will have bad luck. Unless you're playing EB and suddenly your SNES craps out on you, that you can blame on the Friday the 23th fairies.
6. I would kill to live in an EB like world wouldn't you? You can leave whenever you want, you have no bed times, you never get tired, you can carry around all the illegal equipment you want, and you dont have to worry about cops cause you can just knock em out if they hassle you. If there ever was a perfect world, it would be the world within the game cartridge that is Earthbound.
7. How do you think the words Earthbound should be typed? Should it be typed: EarthBound? Earth Bound? Earthbound? earthbound? EaRtHbOuNd? It gets confusing.
8. This is for the people who believe in Darwin's theory of evolution. Do you think if the race of Mr. Saturn were realy that they would evolve into humans. I believe that they would and that in time they would control us as slaves. We will one day live on Planet of the Saturns!
9. Ahem, I do believe it is Peanut Butter Jelly Time....¥¥
10. On this topic I shall end my usless blabbering with many small topics. So buckle up. I think small items like cookies should be visible in gameplay, I think that Everdred should become the next Dude Love after jumping off of his roof, in my opinion I believe that peace will someday come of the net when every thing on it is made free, and I believe that one day we shall see Ness triumph over Cloud, Chrono, Link, Ash, and all other RPG bum heads who oppose him. And so ends my rant, I shall put up my can of worms, close the door tight, call the pound to get the dogs, and get the Ghostbusters to capture my demons. I thank you for your time for listening to me and bid you au dieu. Peace- HBK
--Heartbreak Kid
I knew I should've mentioned the no-LotW-this-week thing...well, I guess I have no choice. I'll reply to your letter the same way I reply to everybody else's really long letters. One note at a time.
1) No.
2) I bet he'd be flattered, foo.
3) I'd feel sorry for cute, cuddy Giegue.
4) They will obey. THEY WILL!
5) I was born on Friday the 13th.
6) That'd be scary. What if I got h4x0r3d?
7) EarthBound.
8) I think they'll evolve into big Mr. Saturns.
9) Omelettte time, actually.
10) *head explodes*
--GuyInSummers
Alright kids, that's it for me. I have to make it to see Lord of The Rings by 12, I don't have time to finish this crap. Maybe next time I co-respond, I'll be given a little more time. I'M OUTTA HERE.
--godofcows
EarthBoundalicous
If I may, I wish to compare Earthbound to another game. This game shares a few similarities to Earthbound. It's graphics were capable on the system that came before it. It also unleashed a new concept into the RPG market (although it probably can be said it created a new genre). And it too was quite "Japanese" shall we say. Both games rock in my opinion. There's one difference, while Earthbound gathered dust on the shelves, this title is selling very well. It was released in September of this year.
That's right it's Animal Crossing. Granted, while Earthbound still fits into the RPG category, Animal Crossing is in a league of its own. But one still has to wonder why this game sold so much while Earthbound didn't. I can't really say I know the answer. But I think this shows that gamers aren't just looking for eye candy anymore. If this is the case, and the next EB game is as good as the last, with the power gained from Ness' SSBM appearance this series will rise from the grave with the same glory as the Metroid series (OK, that's two comparisons, sue me).
By the way, whoever does this section rocks! A code for any tradeable NES game I have in Animal Crossing (Pinball, Golf, Tennis, Balloon Fight, Tennis, Donkey Kong, DK Jr. Math, or Excitebike) may just happen to be e-mailed to them if they supply their name and the name of their village when they make me the winner of this contest and end The Artist Formally Known as CPT Crunch's reign of terror.
By the way again, since this is an open topic, can I respond to last week's topic? Too bad, I will anyway. You can fill in the loophole when I'm finished. HAHAHA.
Jeff is NOT useless, he has plenty of uses. Let's see, item carryer... did I already say item carryer? Forget it, just put Teddy in the group. He's the only guy without PSI in the series that isn't a wuss. Anyone who can use a butter knife as a weapon is cool in my book.
I'm chillin' and coolin' just like a snowman. Jog DMC is out.
-Jog DMC
Thank you for your I-rock-yness. However, this ain't a contest. LotW is just a fun little praise for people. So I guess Larry in Summers can't accept Excitebike no matter how much he wants it. ;D
Well, great letter, anyway! There are of course still people who give me D00D LOLZ U PLAY ANIMAL CROSSING GAME THAT GAME IS THE CRAP ITS ALL NO GRAPHICS AND YOU FISH SCREW THAT GAME AND SPEND YOUR TIME D/LING PORN ROFLFFFOFJOFJFLFJJ, but you get people like that everywhere. The game definately has that sense of EarthBoundiness, and I can't say why it did so much better. Yay Animal Crossing!
--GuyInSummers
Animal crossing is fun too! I never played it, and I don't have a Gamecube, but if I get one, I will buy AC, and will get addicted like everybody else!
--poik007
That's right it's Animal Crossing. Granted, while Earthbound still fits into the RPG category, Animal Crossing is in a league of its own. But one still has to wonder why this game sold so much while Earthbound didn't. I can't really say I know the answer. But I think this shows that gamers aren't just looking for eye candy anymore. If this is the case, and the next EB game is as good as the last, with the power gained from Ness' SSBM appearance this series will rise from the grave with the same glory as the Metroid series (OK, that's two comparisons, sue me).
By the way, whoever does this section rocks! A code for any tradeable NES game I have in Animal Crossing (Pinball, Golf, Tennis, Balloon Fight, Tennis, Donkey Kong, DK Jr. Math, or Excitebike) may just happen to be e-mailed to them if they supply their name and the name of their village when they make me the winner of this contest and end The Artist Formally Known as CPT Crunch's reign of terror.
By the way again, since this is an open topic, can I respond to last week's topic? Too bad, I will anyway. You can fill in the loophole when I'm finished. HAHAHA.
Jeff is NOT useless, he has plenty of uses. Let's see, item carryer... did I already say item carryer? Forget it, just put Teddy in the group. He's the only guy without PSI in the series that isn't a wuss. Anyone who can use a butter knife as a weapon is cool in my book.
I'm chillin' and coolin' just like a snowman. Jog DMC is out.
-Jog DMC
Thank you for your I-rock-yness. However, this ain't a contest. LotW is just a fun little praise for people. So I guess Larry in Summers can't accept Excitebike no matter how much he wants it. ;D
Well, great letter, anyway! There are of course still people who give me D00D LOLZ U PLAY ANIMAL CROSSING GAME THAT GAME IS THE CRAP ITS ALL NO GRAPHICS AND YOU FISH SCREW THAT GAME AND SPEND YOUR TIME D/LING PORN ROFLFFFOFJOFJFLFJJ, but you get people like that everywhere. The game definately has that sense of EarthBoundiness, and I can't say why it did so much better. Yay Animal Crossing!
--GuyInSummers
Animal crossing is fun too! I never played it, and I don't have a Gamecube, but if I get one, I will buy AC, and will get addicted like everybody else!
--poik007
Woof
Dear GuyInSummers,
A lot has been happening, I got a new dog. I also am getting a new job.
--Akuma
Ohnos! Quick! Eat the dog! YES EAT IT! You have no idea what horror it plans to unleash! Just eat it fast before it GETS YOUR SOUL! WHEEEE!
--GuyInSummers
Good! A new dog is fun! A new job is funnier, let's hope you will continue to get fun stuff like that!
--poik007
A lot has been happening, I got a new dog. I also am getting a new job.
--Akuma
Ohnos! Quick! Eat the dog! YES EAT IT! You have no idea what horror it plans to unleash! Just eat it fast before it GETS YOUR SOUL! WHEEEE!
--GuyInSummers
Good! A new dog is fun! A new job is funnier, let's hope you will continue to get fun stuff like that!
--poik007
Fun Story
im not a real internet person. i dont even own a computer. im writing this at my friends house. but this is the only site i ever go to so i am writing about how cool it is, the work that must have been put in to make it. all the wonderful things like flukes and contests and polls and all that great stuff is just what gets me up in the morning. i have a touching story to tell all you fans. i was about 6 when i first played earthbound, me and my sister would play snes all day. well one day i rented this game earthbound. i instantly fell in love with it! when my sister got home from school i told her about it and we played all day together. we could never afford the game and our mother frowned upon video games so we justr kept renting it, oh the memories. we went through all the classics and made them our own. the meteor landing(ooo exiting!) the thrill of going to the next town. we were so involved. homework was not even done. we would just take turns playing earthbound and it was all we did. the most memorable thing to me was burglin park. i have no idea why but whenever i thought of earthbound thats just what came to mind. finally one day we beat the game(after giving the video rental store at least $50) and the joy we went through! but also the sadness, for we had beaten the game, it was over. we thought about doing it again but we both decided we needed some time away from it. well it turned out that "time" turned into 8 whole years before earthbound was back in my house, because one day a little game called Super Smash Brothers came out and i waited for a pretty long time to try the game. but when i did, "oh my god its NESS!!!! all the memories popped into my head! and there was burglin park! i imediatly saved my money and bought a new snes and an earthbound cartridge. i have to say it was pretty hard to find! but i played itr agian and agian. i stopped playing awhile then recently i started again. i am currently just beat the fire dog thing in the last sancuary location. i just hope and pray to god(i hope this doesnt offend any religious groups:) that mother 3 would come out or mother 1 for gba or at least something. thank you for letting the fans writ letters. (sorry about my puncuation and capitalazation)
p.s i have no email so im gonna put some random stuff in ok?
--redfoot
What a touching story! I would reply more but I just realized that I just watered my tree with Ginger Ale. So I should really try to save it. Got to go!
--GuyInSummers
Hello not real internet person, every person at sm.net is praying so Mother 3 get released, Burglin Park is fun! I wish there would be one of these near my house... I could buy rulers and spice at really high prices! (Who would pay 2 bucks for a packet of ketchup??)
--poik007
p.s i have no email so im gonna put some random stuff in ok?
--redfoot
What a touching story! I would reply more but I just realized that I just watered my tree with Ginger Ale. So I should really try to save it. Got to go!
--GuyInSummers
Hello not real internet person, every person at sm.net is praying so Mother 3 get released, Burglin Park is fun! I wish there would be one of these near my house... I could buy rulers and spice at really high prices! (Who would pay 2 bucks for a packet of ketchup??)
--poik007
Yay Auction
Hey,
I just thought I would let you know that I found a copy of Earthbound ZERO in ENGLISH on ebay for sale. It was just listed so I thought you might want to post it on your site to offer your followers the chance to bid on it. Heck, you might even want to bid on it!
Anyway, here is the link:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1946572312
--Ben
Okay, the tree-Ginger Ale situation was averted, though I get the distinct feeling the tree was sad that I took the soda.
Wheee, EB0? There are four possibilities here.
1) It's a ROM on CD, in which case the buyer would be ripped off, since you could get it free.
2) It's the ROM, burnt onto a chip and inserted in plastic casing with a Photoshopped label as to look like a real EB0 cartridge. In this case, the seller is being ripped off, since it probably cost more to make than he'll get for it.
3) It's the original prototype, in which case it probably costs a good few hundred.
4) It's the real EarthBound 0; Nintendo decided to release it. In which case WHOOOOMGPARTYFIOQ$T *IY@
$T!!!!
--GuyInSummers
Impossible! There was a big mess about EB0 carts in English lately. There can't be any EB0 carts on EBay, if there is some, it's just rom dumps. Actually, if you're really lucky, the best thing you can get is a Japanese EB Zero cart!! Don't waste money on dumps!
--poik007
I just thought I would let you know that I found a copy of Earthbound ZERO in ENGLISH on ebay for sale. It was just listed so I thought you might want to post it on your site to offer your followers the chance to bid on it. Heck, you might even want to bid on it!
Anyway, here is the link:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1946572312
--Ben
Okay, the tree-Ginger Ale situation was averted, though I get the distinct feeling the tree was sad that I took the soda.
Wheee, EB0? There are four possibilities here.
1) It's a ROM on CD, in which case the buyer would be ripped off, since you could get it free.
2) It's the ROM, burnt onto a chip and inserted in plastic casing with a Photoshopped label as to look like a real EB0 cartridge. In this case, the seller is being ripped off, since it probably cost more to make than he'll get for it.
3) It's the original prototype, in which case it probably costs a good few hundred.
4) It's the real EarthBound 0; Nintendo decided to release it. In which case WHOOOOMGPARTYFIOQ$T *IY@
$T!!!!
--GuyInSummers
Impossible! There was a big mess about EB0 carts in English lately. There can't be any EB0 carts on EBay, if there is some, it's just rom dumps. Actually, if you're really lucky, the best thing you can get is a Japanese EB Zero cart!! Don't waste money on dumps!
--poik007
A Future Staffer?
Hiya GiS!
Well, when I first read your Topic (or lack of) I was a bit put off. "What is he playing at?" I said outloud. "He's just going to get a bunch of random crap from people who think they are funny." Then it struck me.
This was open-ended. I'm completely free to write about whatever I feel like. This was my oppourtunity. So, I decided to use my new found power(teehee) to temporarily resurrect the failing articles section that I have missed. Being dissapointed by the fact that my carefully constructed articles were not available to the publics view, I knew that this would be an excellent time to get my opinions out there.
So I started thinking what things I could complain about. Numerous ideas popped into my head, but then I decided to put all this "go-get-em" energy into applying for the Articles staff position. That would be a fantastic way to make sure my articles were posted.
So is there really a point to this letter? Maybe, maybe not. perhaps you can find some deeper meaning in it. If you can't, well what can you expect from such a topic?
See you next week!
--PappyCat :)
Yeah, I was worried about random crap, but I was very pleasantly surprised to see that almost everybody picked whatever they want and discussed it. Anyway, good luck on the Articles position! I think your main competition is Arad and, if he chooses to enter, Paralistalon. Possibly carryabigbat, too. But I know you can do it! And if you don't get it, keep trying. I think Mailbag was the third job I applied for, and I don't think I would be happy with any other one. Happy Holidays!
--GuyInSummers
Thanks for your nice letter PappyCat, a lot of people were confused about the topic (or lack of). We didn't get alot of random crap, people seems to have brains! Maybe you will get Articles staff position!
PappyCat...
I wish you luck!
--poik007
Well, when I first read your Topic (or lack of) I was a bit put off. "What is he playing at?" I said outloud. "He's just going to get a bunch of random crap from people who think they are funny." Then it struck me.
This was open-ended. I'm completely free to write about whatever I feel like. This was my oppourtunity. So, I decided to use my new found power(teehee) to temporarily resurrect the failing articles section that I have missed. Being dissapointed by the fact that my carefully constructed articles were not available to the publics view, I knew that this would be an excellent time to get my opinions out there.
So I started thinking what things I could complain about. Numerous ideas popped into my head, but then I decided to put all this "go-get-em" energy into applying for the Articles staff position. That would be a fantastic way to make sure my articles were posted.
So is there really a point to this letter? Maybe, maybe not. perhaps you can find some deeper meaning in it. If you can't, well what can you expect from such a topic?
See you next week!
--PappyCat :)
Yeah, I was worried about random crap, but I was very pleasantly surprised to see that almost everybody picked whatever they want and discussed it. Anyway, good luck on the Articles position! I think your main competition is Arad and, if he chooses to enter, Paralistalon. Possibly carryabigbat, too. But I know you can do it! And if you don't get it, keep trying. I think Mailbag was the third job I applied for, and I don't think I would be happy with any other one. Happy Holidays!
--GuyInSummers
Thanks for your nice letter PappyCat, a lot of people were confused about the topic (or lack of). We didn't get alot of random crap, people seems to have brains! Maybe you will get Articles staff position!
PappyCat...
I wish you luck!
--poik007
Yay It’s Him
Good morning, and welcome to today's special edition of The Artist Formerly Known As CPTCrunch's ramblings, in which he often refers to himself in the third person.
As always, I would like to begin by addressing a few issues from last week. In no particular order, they are:
(1) You mentioned in your response to somebody's letter (I forget who) that s/he was "the only one to mention the HP sucker." This made me so sad that I had to drink three Robitussins and go lie down for awhile, because not only did I mention the HP-sucker in my exposition on Jeff's strengths, I also remembered to include the dash ("-") which most people frequently forget to include. And the HP-sucker... well, it sucks HP. No, that's not a demeaning comment about it. It's a pretty useful item.
(2) Someone else, while discussing the Spy command, pointed out that you can use it to see what kind of shield an enemy has, which is not true; it doesn't tell you anything about shields. Someone (I think the same person) also said that you can use it to, for example, see whether Shrooom! is more vulnerable to fire or freeze in case you forgot. I have two points to make on this (TWO points! That's two more points than I had in my previous four letters combined!): First, I envy the person who is good/confident/leveled up enough in EarthBound to use one of Jeff's turns on the Spy command in battle against Shrooom!, who can be fairly tough if you didn't pack any Big bottle rockets. Second, in this particular scenario, Spy would tell you Shrooom! is not vulnerable to fire nor freeze. (I believe the player's guide says he's vulnerable to fire, but I don't have one handy.) It will say, I believe, that he's vulnerable to Flash, which is certainly true and is certainly helpful. Freeze will do more damage to Shrooom! (and most other enemies) than fire will, for less PP. Thank you for tuning in for today's episode of "Who Cares", continuing to point out intricate things about EarthBound that no one with any time on their hands at all would ever be concerned about.
It's completely broken. I thought I could fix it, but on re-examination... I noticed that there's no engine. Hmmm.
(3) Yet another person (or possibly the same person, or maybe multiple personalities of the same person; I don't have my mailbag handy and am working offline here, so shoot me; actually, I think several people mentioned this) pointed out that they Spy on Starman Supers, and then if they don't find the Sword of kings, they run away from the battle. I'm pretty certain that, even after you Spy unsuccessfully, you can still get the SoK from the same Starman Super after the battle ends. Either that, or my EB cart glitched out (this happened to me shortly before the cart died.)
Anyway. Since there's no topic this week, this is the perfect opportunity for me to share the results of my research on when, exactly, EarthBound took place. I realize this has been researched before and no one really cares any longer, but when has that ever stopped me..? Okay, here goes:
- The year is 199X. EarthBound was released in 1995, so this is what we're going to presume the year is. I support this by referring to the Onett library clerk, who tells Ness he can return the Town map in 2001, which at the time EarthBound took place was evidently ludicrously far in the future, so it couldn't have been 1998 or something. We'll go with 1995, unless anybody can find a compelling reason to believe otherwise, such as that the ghost of their pet mouse Tom whispered to them that it was actually 1993. If that happens to someone, well, I just won't be able to dispute it.
- There are several references to school in EarthBound. A man in Onett asks if it's a school holiday; Ness's mom mentions when you call her that his teacher came by, looking for him; at the end of the game, Tracy mentions that Ness is behind in his schoolwork. From all this, we infer that this game took place, or at least began, during the standard school year.
- Now here's an interesting little clue that you have to be terminally pathetic to find, as I did: The guy at the sports shop on the fourth floor of the Fourside Deparment Store (you know, the one you never ever talk to because he doesn't sell anything useful; yeah, THAT guy) says "Hey dudes, it's summer! It's the manly time of year! Time for sports, guys!" Of course, I vehemently oppose that statement, which stereotypically assumes that sports are associated only with summer. Well, baseball is generally associated with summer, but what about ice hockey? Once again, we see that EarthBound has stuck it to Canadians by snubbing ice hockey altogether, since ice hockey is the only recreation in Canada, besides cutting down trees and working on your igloo.
Anyhow, my point is that he states that it's summer, which is my central point here. Judging by the general look and disposition of this gentleman, I am led to believe he's a college student, working the summer at the sports shop. Now, college students (as opposed to human beings) do not gauge when summer begins by the calendar, which lies and says it begins on June 21 or 22. To the college student, summer begins whenever final exams are over; in most colleges, this occurs during early-to-mid-May. So, probably, he just got out of school and so is now stating that it's summer. Most pre-college schools have a longer school year that stretches into late May or into June. This means that the date at which Ness reaches Fourside (which is probably two or three weeks after the initial meteorite strike) is probably in mid or late May, while Ness's school is still in session but the local colleges are not. (And don't ask me how come Tracy, Ness's ten year old sister, needs to help him with his schoolwork, unless she plans on doing it for him. Man, I wish I'd had a little sister lik that back then. Or maybe she realizes he has about $850,000 in his bank account and wants a little chunk of that change.)
- Therefore, I will place the date of the initial meteor strike at May 7, 1995. Actually, EarthBound was released in May 1995; it may very well be that the meteor hit on the day EarthBound was released. Remember the girl in Onett who wondered whether "EarthBound" has been released yet? Evidently the denizens of Eagleland had been waiting for it for some time.
Do you want to know whose bones are on display here? The answer is... your bones. My bones. Bone's bones. Bone bone bone.
In the spirit of non-topic goodness, I have the following ten random points:
(1) I'm not all that worried about Da Niznik. I am worried about PSI322. Perhaps I am a fool.
(2) Did YOU read reid and Tomato's messages? Well, you should have. Anyway, I generally agree with their points, and it's too bad that most of what now passes for the EB community has no idea what they're talking about. Beware, ye who wants the articles section; you'll have to crank out your own content. Actually, I would love to do such a thing, but time does not permit me to do so. I'm actually kind of eager about this new design they're doing. I just hope reid realizes by now that redesigning the site does not solve any problems. Hiring some good staffers for stuff like articles, and getting people to run the forums who know and care what they're doing, would solve some problems.
(3) By the time the mailbaggers read this, I either have returned home to Pennsylvania and will soon be available in
earthbound for a brief period of time, or I will have been either killed in a bus crash or stabbed to death by muggers in Washington. Odds are I'll make it home. Just in case it matters...
(4) Did you know that if you get Ness killed and then go talk to Frank, he'll bark something at you and refuse to let you rest? Wouldn't it be great if Paula could just beat him up and force him to recover her HP? No, it would. Yes, it would... not.
(5) You know what this site needs? It needs a trivia tournament, with some sort of cool prize. I am deeply perturbed by the lack of trivia submissions. Something needs to be done to save trivia! My precious trivia! *boo hoo hoo* *sob sob*
(6) Admit it: At least once, even though you've already been through the blasted monkey caves five or ten times, you've gone all the way through them, bored to death, only to realize at the very end that you forgot to bring the Pencil eraser, at which point you probably shouted something unkind that got you grounded. Yeah, it happened to me too. Don't feel bad.
(7) What happened to the newsletter? Was it shut down by the FBI? Does it sleep with the fishes?
(8) The knight who until recently was guruzeth, whose spirit I am channeling via the mystic chex mix bag, wishes for me to inform you that his name does not take a capital "G". It rejects a capital "G" like a bad liver transplant. You're better off just writing "uruzeth". Or just "Zeth." Or even "Bob." That would work, too. Just not "Guruzeth."
(9) Spell check skips anything that has numbers in it, which is why it agrees that "hyperultral33tness" is a word, which it is, or at least darn well should be. How do you pronounce "l33t," anyway? Is it just "leet?" or is it something else? Or is it one of those unpronouncable words that exist only on computer screens? Has the federal government commissioned a $26 million study on this yet?
(10) My left arm really hurts. I think I might have a flesh-eating virus infection AGAIN. This would be the fourth year in a row that I ended up getting one of those infections just a couple days before Christmas. I mean, I sleep with my left arm under my pillow all the time, so I thought I just strained it or something, but this is weird... what's going on here?
Hi! Can I help you? ... Are you here just to say "hi"? What a loser!
And in the Christmas spirit, I leave you with the following enjoyable quote:
*** SLing has quit IRC (Exit: NOBODYS GOING TO SHOW UP FOR SURVIVOR AND IM GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD.)
Merry Christmas, everyone!
--The Artist Formerly Known As CPTCrunch
Yay, another piece of work from The Artist. This week's break week - no LotW - so enjoy the rest and see if you can continue dominating next week.
1) Said person corrected himself this time around.
2) Thank you for laying down this info.
It was very intersting of you to break down the date of EarthBound like that, though I might question how EB0 would tie in under this time period. However, it would make a great deal of sense if EB took place when it was released. I think you might just be very right.
Non topic goodness? There is no topic, thus EVERYTHING is non-topic goodness! YAY!
1) Maybe. If Da Niznik happens to beat you for LotW, you sure will feel like one.
2) Yay for being one of the few people to actually discuss the regoodization. I can't wait to see what happens; hopefully we can badger Tomato and reid to tell the staffers everything in advance and then I can snitch to all of you!
3) Glad you're alive.
4) Whoa, I never knew that!
5) That should probably be Anthadd's job.
6) *sob* I ADMIT IT! I DO THAT ALL THE TIME! *cry*
7) GaruruGirl was in the car you ran off the road with your bus.
8) Well, until Guruzeth comes back, saves EASY Trivia, goes back to his much nicer NON-evil name, and whallops me with a fish, Guruzeth will just have to suffer.
9) Oh.
10) Shame on you; you weren't a good boy this year. Annual Gift Man KNOWs.
And Merry Christmas to you too!
--GuyInSummers
Hey CPTCrunch! You sure write a lot of stuff! It makes my brain all melt-o! Flesh-eating virus infection? Sad, I seriously wish it will get better in the next days! If paula is killed, do Frank will be beated by some glasses-wearing nerd? This is the question!
--poik007
As always, I would like to begin by addressing a few issues from last week. In no particular order, they are:
(1) You mentioned in your response to somebody's letter (I forget who) that s/he was "the only one to mention the HP sucker." This made me so sad that I had to drink three Robitussins and go lie down for awhile, because not only did I mention the HP-sucker in my exposition on Jeff's strengths, I also remembered to include the dash ("-") which most people frequently forget to include. And the HP-sucker... well, it sucks HP. No, that's not a demeaning comment about it. It's a pretty useful item.
(2) Someone else, while discussing the Spy command, pointed out that you can use it to see what kind of shield an enemy has, which is not true; it doesn't tell you anything about shields. Someone (I think the same person) also said that you can use it to, for example, see whether Shrooom! is more vulnerable to fire or freeze in case you forgot. I have two points to make on this (TWO points! That's two more points than I had in my previous four letters combined!): First, I envy the person who is good/confident/leveled up enough in EarthBound to use one of Jeff's turns on the Spy command in battle against Shrooom!, who can be fairly tough if you didn't pack any Big bottle rockets. Second, in this particular scenario, Spy would tell you Shrooom! is not vulnerable to fire nor freeze. (I believe the player's guide says he's vulnerable to fire, but I don't have one handy.) It will say, I believe, that he's vulnerable to Flash, which is certainly true and is certainly helpful. Freeze will do more damage to Shrooom! (and most other enemies) than fire will, for less PP. Thank you for tuning in for today's episode of "Who Cares", continuing to point out intricate things about EarthBound that no one with any time on their hands at all would ever be concerned about.
It's completely broken. I thought I could fix it, but on re-examination... I noticed that there's no engine. Hmmm.
(3) Yet another person (or possibly the same person, or maybe multiple personalities of the same person; I don't have my mailbag handy and am working offline here, so shoot me; actually, I think several people mentioned this) pointed out that they Spy on Starman Supers, and then if they don't find the Sword of kings, they run away from the battle. I'm pretty certain that, even after you Spy unsuccessfully, you can still get the SoK from the same Starman Super after the battle ends. Either that, or my EB cart glitched out (this happened to me shortly before the cart died.)
Anyway. Since there's no topic this week, this is the perfect opportunity for me to share the results of my research on when, exactly, EarthBound took place. I realize this has been researched before and no one really cares any longer, but when has that ever stopped me..? Okay, here goes:
- The year is 199X. EarthBound was released in 1995, so this is what we're going to presume the year is. I support this by referring to the Onett library clerk, who tells Ness he can return the Town map in 2001, which at the time EarthBound took place was evidently ludicrously far in the future, so it couldn't have been 1998 or something. We'll go with 1995, unless anybody can find a compelling reason to believe otherwise, such as that the ghost of their pet mouse Tom whispered to them that it was actually 1993. If that happens to someone, well, I just won't be able to dispute it.
- There are several references to school in EarthBound. A man in Onett asks if it's a school holiday; Ness's mom mentions when you call her that his teacher came by, looking for him; at the end of the game, Tracy mentions that Ness is behind in his schoolwork. From all this, we infer that this game took place, or at least began, during the standard school year.
- Now here's an interesting little clue that you have to be terminally pathetic to find, as I did: The guy at the sports shop on the fourth floor of the Fourside Deparment Store (you know, the one you never ever talk to because he doesn't sell anything useful; yeah, THAT guy) says "Hey dudes, it's summer! It's the manly time of year! Time for sports, guys!" Of course, I vehemently oppose that statement, which stereotypically assumes that sports are associated only with summer. Well, baseball is generally associated with summer, but what about ice hockey? Once again, we see that EarthBound has stuck it to Canadians by snubbing ice hockey altogether, since ice hockey is the only recreation in Canada, besides cutting down trees and working on your igloo.
Anyhow, my point is that he states that it's summer, which is my central point here. Judging by the general look and disposition of this gentleman, I am led to believe he's a college student, working the summer at the sports shop. Now, college students (as opposed to human beings) do not gauge when summer begins by the calendar, which lies and says it begins on June 21 or 22. To the college student, summer begins whenever final exams are over; in most colleges, this occurs during early-to-mid-May. So, probably, he just got out of school and so is now stating that it's summer. Most pre-college schools have a longer school year that stretches into late May or into June. This means that the date at which Ness reaches Fourside (which is probably two or three weeks after the initial meteorite strike) is probably in mid or late May, while Ness's school is still in session but the local colleges are not. (And don't ask me how come Tracy, Ness's ten year old sister, needs to help him with his schoolwork, unless she plans on doing it for him. Man, I wish I'd had a little sister lik that back then. Or maybe she realizes he has about $850,000 in his bank account and wants a little chunk of that change.)
- Therefore, I will place the date of the initial meteor strike at May 7, 1995. Actually, EarthBound was released in May 1995; it may very well be that the meteor hit on the day EarthBound was released. Remember the girl in Onett who wondered whether "EarthBound" has been released yet? Evidently the denizens of Eagleland had been waiting for it for some time.
Do you want to know whose bones are on display here? The answer is... your bones. My bones. Bone's bones. Bone bone bone.
In the spirit of non-topic goodness, I have the following ten random points:
(1) I'm not all that worried about Da Niznik. I am worried about PSI322. Perhaps I am a fool.
(2) Did YOU read reid and Tomato's messages? Well, you should have. Anyway, I generally agree with their points, and it's too bad that most of what now passes for the EB community has no idea what they're talking about. Beware, ye who wants the articles section; you'll have to crank out your own content. Actually, I would love to do such a thing, but time does not permit me to do so. I'm actually kind of eager about this new design they're doing. I just hope reid realizes by now that redesigning the site does not solve any problems. Hiring some good staffers for stuff like articles, and getting people to run the forums who know and care what they're doing, would solve some problems.
(3) By the time the mailbaggers read this, I either have returned home to Pennsylvania and will soon be available in
earthbound for a brief period of time, or I will have been either killed in a bus crash or stabbed to death by muggers in Washington. Odds are I'll make it home. Just in case it matters...
(4) Did you know that if you get Ness killed and then go talk to Frank, he'll bark something at you and refuse to let you rest? Wouldn't it be great if Paula could just beat him up and force him to recover her HP? No, it would. Yes, it would... not.
(5) You know what this site needs? It needs a trivia tournament, with some sort of cool prize. I am deeply perturbed by the lack of trivia submissions. Something needs to be done to save trivia! My precious trivia! *boo hoo hoo* *sob sob*
(6) Admit it: At least once, even though you've already been through the blasted monkey caves five or ten times, you've gone all the way through them, bored to death, only to realize at the very end that you forgot to bring the Pencil eraser, at which point you probably shouted something unkind that got you grounded. Yeah, it happened to me too. Don't feel bad.
(7) What happened to the newsletter? Was it shut down by the FBI? Does it sleep with the fishes?
(8) The knight who until recently was guruzeth, whose spirit I am channeling via the mystic chex mix bag, wishes for me to inform you that his name does not take a capital "G". It rejects a capital "G" like a bad liver transplant. You're better off just writing "uruzeth". Or just "Zeth." Or even "Bob." That would work, too. Just not "Guruzeth."
(9) Spell check skips anything that has numbers in it, which is why it agrees that "hyperultral33tness" is a word, which it is, or at least darn well should be. How do you pronounce "l33t," anyway? Is it just "leet?" or is it something else? Or is it one of those unpronouncable words that exist only on computer screens? Has the federal government commissioned a $26 million study on this yet?
(10) My left arm really hurts. I think I might have a flesh-eating virus infection AGAIN. This would be the fourth year in a row that I ended up getting one of those infections just a couple days before Christmas. I mean, I sleep with my left arm under my pillow all the time, so I thought I just strained it or something, but this is weird... what's going on here?
Hi! Can I help you? ... Are you here just to say "hi"? What a loser!
And in the Christmas spirit, I leave you with the following enjoyable quote:
*** SLing has quit IRC (Exit: NOBODYS GOING TO SHOW UP FOR SURVIVOR AND IM GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD.)
Merry Christmas, everyone!
--The Artist Formerly Known As CPTCrunch
Yay, another piece of work from The Artist. This week's break week - no LotW - so enjoy the rest and see if you can continue dominating next week.
1) Said person corrected himself this time around.
2) Thank you for laying down this info.
It was very intersting of you to break down the date of EarthBound like that, though I might question how EB0 would tie in under this time period. However, it would make a great deal of sense if EB took place when it was released. I think you might just be very right.
Non topic goodness? There is no topic, thus EVERYTHING is non-topic goodness! YAY!
1) Maybe. If Da Niznik happens to beat you for LotW, you sure will feel like one.
2) Yay for being one of the few people to actually discuss the regoodization. I can't wait to see what happens; hopefully we can badger Tomato and reid to tell the staffers everything in advance and then I can snitch to all of you!
3) Glad you're alive.
4) Whoa, I never knew that!
5) That should probably be Anthadd's job.
6) *sob* I ADMIT IT! I DO THAT ALL THE TIME! *cry*
7) GaruruGirl was in the car you ran off the road with your bus.
8) Well, until Guruzeth comes back, saves EASY Trivia, goes back to his much nicer NON-evil name, and whallops me with a fish, Guruzeth will just have to suffer.
9) Oh.
10) Shame on you; you weren't a good boy this year. Annual Gift Man KNOWs.
And Merry Christmas to you too!
--GuyInSummers
Hey CPTCrunch! You sure write a lot of stuff! It makes my brain all melt-o! Flesh-eating virus infection? Sad, I seriously wish it will get better in the next days! If paula is killed, do Frank will be beated by some glasses-wearing nerd? This is the question!
--poik007
Christmas Story
I don't know what to type! But thats okay I will not stop until I am done writing this. It's like Saturday at abou 7:40PM and I am wondering if my mailbag will even be accepted? Oh well here I go. I am really happy right now cause I am home for the holidays. I had a great first semester of college but it sure does feels good to be home. I am excited for my family get together which will be taking place in the next few days. The get together is always a good time. I really enjoy spending time with my grandpa and my aunts and uncles. We usally play a board game then we eat dinner. After dinner I always enjoy sitting at the dinner table talking and listening to all of the old family stories. Once everyone has had enough of the some what repetitive stories we always open up some gifts. I really like getting gifts and everything but more or less I like seeing the reactions of my family members and how excited some of them get when they are opening their presents. After opening presents we enjoy playing a game or putting together a puzzle. Last year we put together a 3d puzzle and the was a lot of fun. I love the holidays. Another part of the holidays I enjoy is reading. I am about 50 pages into the hobbit and I plan on finishing the Lord of the rings series over the rest of my three week break. Last but not least after finishing my finals. I came back to good old Starmen.net and I was very happy to find that there are going to be some changes here. I think this will be a good deal for the whole site. Best of luck to everyone who applied for a job! Any ways I hope everyone has a great holiday regardless of what you celebrate have a great time, and a happy new year!
--carryabigbat
Well, thank you for sharing your holiday routine! I can't think of what to write, so I'll let godofcows handle this. *
-GuyInSummers
*This was written before I knew godofcows wouldn't finish. Thus you just don't get a response from him. Maybe next time.
Awesome text! I'm happy to see that there's always people that love to write stuff for mailbag! And such quality! It's really fun to know starmen.net, what would we do without it? I bet we would just had created another EB website! But Sm.net is there! Enjoy!
--poik007
--carryabigbat
Well, thank you for sharing your holiday routine! I can't think of what to write, so I'll let godofcows handle this. *
-GuyInSummers
*This was written before I knew godofcows wouldn't finish. Thus you just don't get a response from him. Maybe next time.
Awesome text! I'm happy to see that there's always people that love to write stuff for mailbag! And such quality! It's really fun to know starmen.net, what would we do without it? I bet we would just had created another EB website! But Sm.net is there! Enjoy!
--poik007
Conclusion
Well, it’s been an interesting week! For starters, both quality and quantity levels were awesome as usual. And amazingly, people were actually picking a topic and talking about it instead of being insane. Well, okay, there was insanity – and it was great! Great week! Blah blah blah blah blah!
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