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Ness Beats Kefka? - by ozwalled

Ness Beats Kefka?

I just finished filling out the brackets for "The Great GameFAQs Character Battle II" of Summer 2003. Of course, Ness was my pick (duh), but he was faced with some pretty stiff competition along the way.

One of the toughest (and, in my opinion, why he has a chance of being ousted in the 1st round) was his very first fight against none other than Mario's nemesis and all-'round bad[butt] (can I say bada** in this section?[No.]), the one and only Bowser. I hummed and I hawed over this matchup, but in the end, it wasn't that difficult a decision. Let's face it, Bowser is quite the monstrosity -- he's surprisingly nimble for his size, spits fireballs, commands an army of dim-witted turtle-like creatures (I know they're called Koopas) and seems to have a way with technology (I think back to that thingee he bounced around in at the end of Super Mario World). On the other hand, Bowser's also quite the bumbler in some instances -- his timing isn't great (anyone who's played Mario Party 3's "Story mode" should know what I'm talking about), he's fairly predictable, never finds THAT good of help, and constantly gets his backside handed to him by a pair of plumbers. Plumbers. Sure, they're plumbers who jump on his cronies heads and bust bricks with their fists and can shoot fireballs and sprout tails and such, but they're still plumbers. SURELY Ness, who helped save the world from a conquering space alien, can take out an overgrown turtle/ dragon hybrid, right?

Well, in my book he did, anyway. Ness may have had the help of three other kids, but he does use weapons like baseball bats and wields some pretty impressive PSI powers to boot. I figured that Bowser, in his comfort zone of unarmed plumbers, would surely be taken off guard by such an onslaught of offense.

Next round, the element of surprise was on Ness's side again, as he took out that Cloud gentleman before he even knew what hit him. The fool never expected that a mere boy could defeat him... until it was TOO LATE. HA! Joke's on him.

Competition stiffened up again for our hero in the 3rd round, when he went head to head with the speedster Sonic. This time, luck was on Ness's side, as Sonic, who has gone through the previous rounds at a blinding pace, accidentally twisted his ankle. This gave Ness the round by default, of course, but he'll take it. Go Ness!

Moving comfortably into the next round, Ness then engaged in a heated battle against the number one seed, the pointy-eared Link. Just when it looked like Link would prevail and head toward the final, Ness downed a protein drink, felt revitalized and sent off a PSI Rockin Omega at Link. Stunned by the force of the attack and dazzled by the brilliant light show, Link collapsed and Ness stood over his fallen body waving the "peace" sign at the spectators.

But Ness's biggest challenge was yet to come, from the "South Division" bracket, for in the final round he was to Square off (pardon the pun) against none other than the maniacal Kefka (of Final Fantasy fame). Kefka had blasted his way through the ranks, vanquishing his opponents left and right with his devastating spells like "Fallen One" (OH, I HATED THAT ONE!). Things looked grim for Ness as Kefka showed him no mercy, blasting him with some wicked-awsome doses of the Black Arts. But Ness was not to be outdone. Finding a previously unknown chink in Kefka's armor, Ness was able to hypnotize Kefka, leading him to use those dark powerful spells of his to his own outdoing.

And so it was that Ness had prevailed (as if we ever had any doubts!). Of course, to commemorate the occasion, a nicely-dressed gentleman came spinning out of the stratosphere, landed in front of Ness and took his picture.

"Fuzzy Pickles!"

So that's how it all happened. Honest! And it didn't even take all that long to fill out, either. Hopefully how *I* saw things going in this tournament has you convinced that Ness truly DESERVES to win this competition, simply because he's got the right tools for the job. A combination of luck, with, surprise, protein drinks, PSI powers, weapons, tenacity and general mental toughness are sure to lead him straight to the top.

But just as he need the help of others in EarthBound, he needs YOUR help to prevail this time. So go sign up for that account and lead him straight to the top. Do it now! Now!!

Go Ness!

Other Submissions by ozwalled

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7/18/10 0.00


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