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Article Six - by SimonBob

Article Six

Debate Week Special:
SimonBob Strikes Back
Article Six of Six: Let's Have Some Trouble

"Hey," you say to yourself. "Debate Week is long since over, Simon. What are you trying to pull?"

It's kind of a funny story. I challenged myself to write six articles over Debate Week. I wrote five. So this is the sixth. It was originally a call-to-arms for people, except I didn't know what I was calling them to, so I deleted that. Then it was an article about how I lack ideas, except that's a self-defeating argument because claiming to have no ideas is an idea in and of itself, so I deleted that too. Now it's an article about me, and about you, and about everyone and everything else. In fact, it's really a bunch of articles rolled into one, presented one at a time in a flurry of article-tastic goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

The Couch Article!

Ever notice how you often see other people sitting on the various couches throughout EarthBound, but you can't get your characters to sit on them? It's hard enough to get Ness to look like he's sitting on the couch, since when you make him move down, he shifts just enough pixels to look like he slid onto the floor. But it's even worse with multiple characters, since they can't all face down at the same time while in a horizontal line. And don't get me started on Teddy Bears. I hate couches so much. From now on, it's beanbag chairs or nothin'.

The Infinite Robot Article!

If Giygas has so many freakin' robots in the Stonehenge Base, why doesn't he just send them out to attack the world like we see in the "War of the Worlds" title screen? Just because they can't take care of a bunch of kids with baseball bats and frying pans doesn't mean they're totally worthless. I'm sure they could take on a small army detachment without too much trouble. Plus, they seem to be manufactured pretty quickly, given that you can scrap a thousand of them and they'll still keep coming.

The Nuclear Power Robot Article!

Are we supposed to believe that a nuclear blast can't defeat a 13-year-old boy in one hit? It would've been much more realistic if it just killed "knocked out" a party member at random.

The Shark Leadership Article!

After Frank quits the Sharks for the relative safety of Down Home Burgers and (apparently) the pro wrestling circuit, who takes over the gang? Do they just sort of dissolve? Does the Mayor put in a new leader to control them from the inside? Or does another, more evil leader take over and lead the Sharks to newer, darker assaults on the city? And while we're on the subject of Frank, how come he doesn't tag-team Ness with the help of Frankystein? Is he nuts? Evidently, yes.

The Mandatory Griping About The Community Article!

Blah blah forum regs are too mean blah blah not enough submissions blah blah SSS is too hard blah blah ping pong blah blah I'm so lonely blah blah it's usually the lamers and whiners who make a big deal out of stuff like the coming invasion of newbs due to the excitement generated by Mother 1+2!!! Blah blah
Blah blah
Blah blah

The White Chalk on Paper Article!

Seriously, what was I thinking when I named that article? Does anyone know? I've totally forgotten. Was it supposed to be symbolic, or what?

The Conclusion!

That was great, wasn't it? I got a lot of random little thoughts off my chest without actually having to expand them into full-length articles. Join me next time when I explain the connection between Vanilla Coke, Mewtwo, and the Plague Rat of Doom!

ps. If you really want to bear arms about something, write an angry request to the artists of the site to draw some Fanfic Fanart. If you can get them to do it, you're better than both me and Jonk.


Other Submissions by SimonBob

Author Sort Ascending Sort Descending Title Sort Ascending Sort Descending Description Sort Ascending Sort Descending Date Sort Ascending Sort Descending Rank Sort Ascending Sort Descending
SimonBob Running Ness Chapter Two
A UFO lands in Ness' front yard!
3/27/05 0.00
SimonBob That's not Giegue!
Mewtwo used his psychic powers to hunt down a copy of EB, but now he keeps getting mistaken for another iconic bad guy. What's the deal?
10/7/09 0.00
SimonBob Religion in Earthbound (or the lack thereof)
254
7/31/06 0.00
SimonBob Short Article
255
7/31/06 0.00
SimonBob Authority
425
7/31/06 0.00

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