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Tessie: Youtube Sensation? - by Rabid Dog

Tessie: Youtube Sensation?

Early in the lifespan of Youtube,amdist the videos of cats playing various percussion instruments and obese children waving broomsticks around while humming the theme from Skyrim, a little-known video went viral.

Originally, it was only of a blurry video of a lake off the southern coast of Winters. A hulking behemoth rising its long and graceful neck out of the water and looking down on the recorder with watery eyes. This caught the imagination of the public by storm and soon people began to flock to the coast. Of course, this creature was Tessie, (or Humidum Colopidae as she's now known in more scholarly circles) and she was incredibly vain.

At first the attention was well received as she'd make several shows a day, rising majestically above the water, swimming and bobbing gracefully, and balancing monkeys on her head. But, unfortunately for Tessie, she had always wanted to be a singer.

So, on one beautiful and crisp Winter's morning, Tessie rose to the smiling faces (and camera-phones) of hundreds of her fans. She cleared her long and elegant throat and began to sing. The song, while in tune underwater, turned out to be extremely screechy and irritating to a less aquatic atmosphere. The lyrics, while poetic to Tessie's imagination, were just a bit too self-serving and as one eye-witness described it, "Emo" for the general populous to enjoy for very long.

While Tessie was only slightly embarrased by the poor reception, it was Youtube's tireless work of humiliating people (and aquatic dinosaurs) who have already embarassed themselves. Hundreds of videos of her song appeared, with titles ranging from "Tessie's Song" to "lol dum dino cnta singg". This, Tessie would later tell a documentary crew filming, "Loch Ness' Cousin", wouldn't have been the worst of it, if not for the autotuners, which took her lyrics and twisted them around, both melodically and lyrically, to make a song about how much she liked pie. And then, after the autotuner songs, came the acoustic covers, the techno remixes, and several dubstep renditions that actually sound truer to the original than one would expect.

And so, while hundreds flock to the shore every year to see the grand Tessie in her pre-mammilian beauty, she refuses to leave her sub-aquatic home, save for the company of a lone gum-obsessed monkey who's antics which first appeared on are best left for another day.

Other Submissions by Rabid Dog

Author Sort Ascending Sort Descending Title Sort Ascending Sort Descending Description Sort Ascending Sort Descending Date Sort Ascending Sort Descending Rank Sort Ascending Sort Descending
Rabid Dog Backpack Switcheroo
Ness gets a big surprise when he sees Kazooie pop out of his backpack... Not as big as the one Banjo gets when he expects Kazooie to slow his descent!
10/20/05 0.00
Rabid Dog Blue, Blue Chant or How a Hue Can Subdue
On a boring Thursday afternoon, trading one monotonous thing for another can bring about self-revelation.
9/14/06 0.00
Rabid Dog Buzz Buzz
A bee I am... not!
10/10/05 8.00
Rabid Dog Carbon Dog
Only 57% ripped off from Klobber! (The other 43% is the talent which I lack...)
3/24/06 0.00
Rabid Dog Daemon Ex Machina
I made this for the (apparently non existant) Halloween Funfest 2011.

Pen and Ink. This would be my take on the final area of the game.
10/17/11 0.00


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