8/17/04 Topic: Everdraed:


Renovator Extraordinaire!:

Well, first you must realize that that was not his house that he was on top of and that he had been paid by some poor sap to renovate it but then the poor sap died and he had no relatives or will so the town decided to just give the house to everdraed but everdraed didn't want the house so he wanted to destroy it so that he would not have to pay taxes on it and maybe get a little insurance money from the insurance company that the little sap had hired in case something happened to his house but in reality nothing would happen to it while he was alive and it covered flooding so Everdraed planned to flood the house so he took the tiles off the top and waited for it to rain and it did and he got insurance money so then he had to make a new house and this new house would be made of gold and silver and have a platinum toilet and a 50 square-foot bathtub but then he realized that he didn't have enough money so he started looking for hidden treasure in the house from the top down and he starts with the roof and that is when you find him.

-Trick Question

Everdread more like Al Capone:

Hmmm, the mystery of Everdread sitting on his roof, observing the comings and goings of Burglin Park in Twoson. That's quite a tale.

But first to understand it, we must find a way to delve into the heavily guarded secret past of Burglin Park, and the man who inherited the task of overseeing it.

Burglin Park, as many citizens of Twoson will tell you, was founded very soon after the town was founded, as a way of promoting community in the then village. It was part town square, part bazaar, and was originally named Square Park, denoting its purpose.

However, the town of Twoson was perfect place to house the dreaded Fourside Mafia in the 1920s, while it was run by a ruthless mob boss by the name of Pascorelli Everdread, the same man who would a decade later go on to turn Summers into the thriving tourist hot spot it is today. Fourside was a tough game for Pascorelli, but he managed to conquer it. And although he was known widely in Fourside for what he was, in Twoson, he maintained an upstanding visage, donating quite a bit of money to the city, allowing it to expand and lower taxes enough to attract the department store to town. In return, Pascorelli got two things, a small house for his kids in the park, and the chance to rename the park itself.

What the town unfortunately did not know was that Pascorelli was using the house in the newly christened Burglin Park to teach his sons, one at a time, how to run a place. Each had their own styles, and each graduated to bigger and better things.

Pascorelli's oldest son was soon the boss of Fourside's mafia king, and planned to send his own first son to the Burglin house, still owned by Twoson, but with a contract allowing the Everdread family full use of it. He didn't count of being caught by the feds. Newspapers detailed the arrest and trial of Tortello Everdread, while his wife and child took refuge in Burglin Park.

Tortello's son, Boschelli grew up with his father in prison, but his uncles told him stories of what the house was really for.

When Tortello's wife, Boschelli's mother, died tragically of a hart attack, Boschelli continued the family tradition, and made sure that he had local punks do the dirty work without mentioning the Everdread family name.

Meanwhile, rumors spread wildly around town that the Everdread connection to Burglin Park had not been cut after Tortello's arrest, and that Boschelli, referred to as simply Everdread, was behind the local crime scene, but no proof could be found. Everdread took up the habit of sitting on his roof in response to the rumors, sort of a show that he wasn't involved in crime.

He had been habitually sitting on his roof for a full two decades, given free food and drink by Burglin Park vendors in exchange for the relative safety he offered by exerting his control on the Twoson gang scene, explaining his size, when the cult of Happy Happy Village abducted local celebrity Paula Polestar from her home.

When he met Ness, however, his entire outlook on life changed. He still kept the gangs of Twoson out of the park, and stopped sitting on his roof, and started to truly do good. He tried to keep the Mani Mani statue away from where it could do real damage, and his whereabouts afterward have been a mystery. It was rumored heavily that he was spotted at his father's funeral in Summers, but the only sure thing is that Boschelli Everdread's days of sitting on his roof watching Burglin Park are over.


Ducks can't talk? :(:

First, we must acknowledge that Everdraed did not make his fortune selling cookies at the local 4-H Bake Sale; nay, he was some sort of ruthless no-gooder. However, he was not without cunning. Therefore, there must have been some incredibly crafty scheme involving hiding on his roof and making obscene amounts of money!


Too bad, then, that this wasn't the case. He just lost his keys.

"But Furanku, he doesn't have a car in the game!" you yell at me as I spray you with a garden hose for interrupting me.

The solution to this problem (Problem 2-B, as people who label things may label it if compelled to do so) is that Everdraed also lost his motorboat (truly great criminals have motorboats). After running in circles for twelve hours, beating on hippies with a lava lamp he named "Senor Jorge", eating no less than seven newspapers, and generally catapulting Twoson's cultural base back to the Early Copper Age, Everdraed decided that he should look for his keys.

Dr. Djarlartloslav J. Hjordalvsvenson was a pioneer in the field of accidentally finding things. He was the man that proved it impossible to find your motorboat keys in a time of need. As a side effect, he discovered that while looking for said keys, one would find their motorboat quite often. Ergo, Everdread (being well versed in the teachings of Dr. Hjordalvsvenson) reasoned that by looking for his keys, he could find his motorboat. Then, tying himself to the motorboat, he could look for the motorboat and find the keys.

Anyway, Everdraed had fallen off of his roof a couple of times that morning, each causing amnesia. Thankfully, Ness happened along right before he took his 47th plunge in the name of Motorboat Retrieval.

And now you know...

...why ducks can't talk.

-Furankufuruto Sooseeji

A curse on both your houses!:

To know why Everdread was on the roof you have to know what was in his mind. Everdread was born in the town of threed. His parents, Everdoom and Everdeath, were disliked by the comunity becouse they preformed the dark arts of PSI.

One day the villagers had enough of their evil acts. So the villagers all got together and started an angery mob. They went to Everdread's house with every intention of killing the whole family. Before the angery mob got to their home Everdread's parents sensed that they were coming and told their son to hide on the roof of the house. When the mob arived they broke into the house and pulled out Everdread's parents. Everdread, still being on the roof, watched his parents being beat to death, but before they died they cursed their comunity to a plague of zombies(wierd huh?).

The next day Everdread came down from the roof and left for Twoson. When Everdread arived in Twoson he found a park and in that park he found a small equipment shed. Not having any money for food or shelter he began living in the shed and stealing what he could from the people at the park.

Everyday Everdread went ontop of his roof and rememberd what happend on that fatefull night. He was up there becouse it was the one place he could hide from all the bad things in the world.


Jealousy leads to hate...:

For some reason, I don't know quite why, but Gonmon must either be a genius or a psychopath. But either way he always seems to write more than me. Even though I have blisters on my thumbs from tapping the spacebar so much. But that's okay, it's not like I'm jealous or anything. Just because people flock to his theories, leaving the rest of us to die. That's okay. He probably has a beautiful girl friend too. That's okay too, I don't care! I like fat girls anyway! I'm not plotting his swift and painful dea-- I mean... Everdread, huh?

Well, he's a man of mysteries all right. Well, we gotta go back to the beginning of his 'issues'. That would be back in 196X when he was but 2. That's right, two. He was fully convinced that life revolved around a particularly adorable little yellow duck that squeeked when he pinched its sides in. Yes, you know what I'm talking about-- at one point or the other, you had one too. (Including that glory hog Gonmon! GRR!!!)

Well, Everdread really liked this particular ducky and even lovingly named it "Duh-duh!" which was his best attempt at pronouncing the water fowl's name. Well, one night Mini-Everdread had a nasty nightmare that duh-duh became possessed by the cheese he ate the night before and duh-duh attacked him. Well, one thing led to another and before the age of seven he already controlled the entire mafia in Burglin Park via the internet.

Well, at age ten, he lost his parents to a nasty incident involving several varieties of cheese, an automobile, and a program advance from MegaMan Battle Network (details are not needed). Well, afterwards, the charitable people of Burglin decided to pitch in and help Everdread keep on growing and maybe become a hard workin' man like the rest of modern America.

Well, that really isn't what happened with the little Everdread as he grew up to lose more and more sanity by the day because he could quit playing 'Medabots: Infinity' on his Nintendo GameCube and everyone who has played it knows that game is impossible to beat. Little by little, all normality had been washed away by that impossibly hard last stage of that accursed game, so he decided to become a mob boss.

Unfortunately, he, by this time, was a middle-aged, over-weight, plumber who wore an 'Aloha' shirt and never left the town before. Well, he heard that Liar X. had found the Mani-Mani statue, then had it taken from him by the blue-stained cult and became curious. He researched the Happy-happyist cult and thought it was... odd.

He then heard through his network of spies (consisting of... himself) that a young girl who didn't live far from himself had been kidnapped by the cult! During such time the Medabots game drove him mad, and he climbed on his roof and began singing the opening theme song to Monster Rancher 4 until Ness came along. They fought, Everdread lost. Etc.

Well, Ness bopped the man back to his senses and Everdread told Ness what he had learned. He had been injured jumping off the roof, so he decided to let Ness handle it. While Ness was gone he finally managed to beat the impossible game and finally, the evil left his heart. When Ness returned, he found his good side and helped Ness by paying him with money he mooched off a neighbor.

Well, now you know the rest of the story. As for my earlier comments about Gonmon, I was kidding. He and I are tight, and I have no intentions on shortening his lifespan. Thank you.

-Shadow the Hedgehog



Everdread couldn't believe it, he was alive. He had to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't a dream.

A scant two hours before Everdread, Ronny Milt, Frank (a gang leader in nearby Onett) ripped off Captain Wendell Strong of the OPD (Onett Police Dept) and Sgt. Russ Webb and Officer Tim Dougan. Strong had been in charge of a major Heroin investigation in both Onett and Twoson. It was a widely believed rumour in the crime underworld that Strong was sitting on the stuff and waiting for a buyer.

Then out of now where comes Ronny Milt. Milt was waiting to be bailed on a coke poscession charge when he heard an interesting conversation through a heating vent. Milt couldn't make out the voices, but figured since it was a police station it had to be cops.

"Where's Strong? I hait waitn' down here, the rats don't like bein' bugged and I don't like buggin' them," said one gravely voice.

"He's always late, but hey you got something better to do?," said another deep voice.

"As a matter of fact I do, Stens just rolled in some workin' girls and I like havin' chats with em' is all."

"You mean getting your candle waxed? Im sure Ethel would love that."

"To bad about..." He was cut off by the sound of a door closing.

The two cops shut up Ronny could hear, even feel their fear. The noise of his steps haunted him.

"Sorry I'm late boyo's. I need a hand, we found a buyer, ten grand. Ten grand split three ways, five for me five to divey up between you two."

Ronny knew that voice off of the news it was Captain Wendell Strong, a name known to make jay-walkers pee their pants.

"Who, when, and where boss?" said the gravel voiced cop.

"Dick Cooper, Thursday night 'round midnight, Twoson," said Strong.

"Cooper, ain't that the Twoson savings and loan manager?" said the deep voiced cop.

"Bingo Tim, the price is lousy but I just want to get rid of the stuff and...."

"Milt! You're free to go," said the jail guard.

Ronny's head was swimming, he had ideas. He thought he could rip them all off, get $10,000 and 5 kilos of uncut heroin and make a fortune selling it of in Fourside. To do this he would need help, he went to see the man who most likely bailed him out; Frank. Frank was angry as of late because of his gang "The Sharks" causing trouble and bringing the heat down on them and him. Frank and Ronny were cell mates in Podunk Federal and Ronny saved his bacon many a time and Frank owed him. Ronny let Frank in on what he heard.

"Sounds good so far, but what does this have to do with me? You want me to be in on it huh? I got enough heat on me as it is and I don't feel like having that Strong on my case, he already knocked two of my front teeth out, and got blood, my blood all over my fav' baby blue suit," said Frank.

"You help me with this and were even, plus do you even know how much we can make off of this! We could easily retire!"

"For something like this you need guns, You know I don't deal in guns and you know nobody in Onett deals in guns, the only person who deals in guns is Everdread down in Twoson and he has to know what they will be used for before he sells em'. Plus when he finds out he'll want in."

"Then we'll cut him in. The way I see it we need three people, a lookout man, that's you, a strong arm, Everdread, and a grabber, that's me. They won't even know you're involed because they won't even see you."

"Ok. I'll call Everdread and set it up. You stick around and keep you're nose clean I don't want you coked up with a gun."

Ronny was ecstatic that Frank was going along, He knew Everdread could be trusted, and that he hated two things in the world, being broke and cops. On Wednesday Ronny and Frank headed down to Twoson meet Everdread, they found him in his favorite chair eating a can of ham with a fork.

"Greetings, Ham?" said Everdread.

"No thanks Ev. You got the guns?" said Frank

"You know it, But as usual I have to know who and what they are going to be used for," said Everdread.

"You see..." Everdread cut Ronny off.

"Who's he Frank, Friend of yours?"

Frank filled Everdread in on everything, what Ronny heard, the plan, Everdreads own part. Everdread smiled.

"Cops, money, you know I'm in. When does it go down?"

"Tomorrow Mr. Everdread," said Ronny.

"My friends call me Ev"

Everdread finished his ham and threw it at the trash can, it missed and fell on to a pile of Spam and ham cans. Everdread showed Ronny how to use a gun properly, how to pistol whip with the best of them and then they went to scope out Twoson savings and loan. They sat in Everdreads car all day and waited for closing time, got a look at the security and left. Ronny and Frank stayed the night at the hotel, they both woke up at around 7 and went to Everdreads. Everdread fine tuned the plan, it was now obvious he was the leader.

"Ronny and me will be on the inside, you Frank are the lookout man. Ronny you'll grab their heaters and empty them, grab the cah, the horse. I'll cuff em and we'll both walk out real easy, I'll whistle and Frank will bring the car around, don't mess it up and it will go of as easy as saying it was."

At 11 they got ready and drove to the bank, Ronny and Everdread got out Frank parked the car and waited in it until he saw the cops and Dick Cooper, when he saw them he would take the car around and leave it running and be on the lookout. At 11:57 a white sedan pulled up with three large men in it-THEM, THE COPS. The cops got out with Strong in the lead with a briefcase.

"Ronny get ready," whispered Everdread.

They both waited for Dick Cooper who arrived right on time at 12 on the button. Dick Cooper was a pale, sickly looking man who looked like a junkie, and probably was one - a rich one.

"Officer's, come on in."

"NOW !!," yelled Everdread

Everdread gun pointed shoved the Cops and Cooper into the bank.

"What's the meaning of this I..." Everdread pistol whipped him in the head knocking a toupe off of his head.

"Ok fellas we want it all, The horse, the money, and please allow my Friend here to take and empty your weapons, go ahead Ronny."

Ronny did it fast without frisking them, he adjusted his mask several times in the progress.

"Good doggies, now the stuff. You Strong, give it to one of you thugs and have them open it."

Strong passed it to Sgt. Webb who walked calmly over to a desk and layed it down opening it grabbed something and pulled it out, it was a gun. Stens fired it, it misfired and Everdread put three into him, one in his neck and two in his head.

"Ronny, check it out."

Ronny ran over in shock almost slipping on a pool of blood and brains and a faulty .45.

"It's good. Real good."

"You'll never get away with this we'll hunt you down and kill you," said Strong.


Everdread pointed his gun at gun at Dougan and fired nailing him in the gut.

"You say one more word and the same happens to you. Now Baldy I want the money, give me the money and were outta here."

Cooper reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash Everdread grabbed it and pistol whipped him, knocking him out.

"Strong cuff yourself to him."

Strong did it. Everdread looked at Ronny "Let's go."

Everdread went out first, Ronny behind him with briefcase in hand. Strong reached down to his ankle grabbed a .20 and pumped three into Ronny's head, Everdread grabbed the case, whistled Frank braked the car hard, Everdread jumped in with the bank doors glass smashing behind him.

-Frank Kerman

Enlightenment = drunk?:

Everdread isn't a guy that is actually believed to be real. Anyone with that much alcohol in their body is either legally dead or they've reached a state of enlightenment that we can only dream of. (or atleast in his mind)

It's really hard to understand exactly what Everdread does, without understanding what Everdread is. He's a man yes, but he's also a turning point in Ness' quest to save the world. Think about it, would Ness really have gone ALL the way to Happy Happy Village just to save Paula, if there wasn't some cash involved? He certainly would not.

So it could be believed, that Everdread is almost one that wishes to save the world...such as Buzz Buzz. After the incident with Buzz Buzz, (see Buzz Buzz getting smashed) they decided that they would need a more suitable body to be used in the year of the Chosen Four.

They also figured that meteorites attracted too much attention. So they just kinda "phase distorted" Everdread to a select point, which ended up being on the roof. They did this all in a short amount of time, since Ness was heading towards Twoson. They then wiped all the memories of the towns people, and started it all over.

Now, Everdread is enjoying all the alcohol he can get before he has to return to his time.


Are you happy, Gonmon?:

Good day, all you happy campers, and welcome back to another fun filled funktastic day at the beach with various super models in bikinis playing a round-a-bout game of volleyball.

Hm? Wrong announcement? Oh. Sorry. I was just reading the teleprompt. Blame it, not me.

So, what are we supposed to be discussing this afternoon? Judge Dread? Why would we want to discuss that guy? He wears funny clothes and a cool helmet that was has a specific likeness to a certain head on the that old cult classic game, Graal. Now that I recall, that was my first head that I played around with.... not to mention it's other blue variant...

Oh sorry. Went off into Memory Land. So, back to Judge Dread and him being on a roof. Although, I don't entirely recall Judge Dread ever really being on a roof, per say, during the films, but...

WHAT!? You say I'm wrong again? How dare you! You wanted a story, and I'm here to give you one, and all you can say is that my stupid theory story is starting off on the wrong foot again? Well, I'll tell you that YOU'RE the one who's wrong and not me. So, nyah.

Getting back to the topic at hand, we will now explore the happy disfunctionality of our beloved Dr. Everdread. Never knew him as a Doctor and only a man who wore flowery shirts and dresses? Well today is your semi-lucky day, because you're going to get another long winded story until my hand hurts too much. And that's not going to happen for quite some time.

So, to get this psychiatric ball rolling, we travel to the past. No, not to primordial soup, despite how hungry you are, but that's what doughnuts and cupcakes are for. Instead, we go to the time before Ness was born in that strange flash back when he bends the spoon.

At the time, Everdread was a happy go lucky Happy Happiest, painting things bright red and with flowers. You see, back at the time, Happy Happiests celebrated the bright and vibrant color of red instead of depressing purple-blue. As such, they weren't insane cultists and were widely accepted into many Hippie Groups around EagleLand.

Now, Everdread was a special type who had almost no care for the temporal things of life. He was happy go lucky and lived his life in Twoson's HamBurglin Park along with the other Ronald McDonald Hippies, painting things red.

Well, as it so happened, as it always seems to in my theories, a man came to visit Everdread's tree to tell him of strange events happening in the tree next door. The man who told Everdread about the occurances was a man named Spiteful Crow (No, not the bird. This guy was a hippie, remember?). Now, Spiteful Crow was... well... spitefull, and since he was jealous of Everdread's tree, he decided he needed a way to get him out of it. And this was the way to do so.

So, taking the bait, Everdread left his tree, hugged it goodbye, and went to visit his friends Runaway Dog and Coil Snake (again, HIPPIES!). He asked them what exactly was going on, but found that nothing had happened and everything was fine. Confused, Everdread turned back to his tree (named Territorial Oak), and found Spiteful Crow had chopped it down. Furious, Everdread decided to lock horns with Spiteful Crow, and lept from his neighbor's tree.

However, as he hit the ground, he twisted his ankle and lost the battle to Spiteful Crow, thus losing his tree. Ashamed and depressed, Everdread decided to leave the cult and began to get dressed into clothing for the first time in his life. Setting off in the world, he found daily life hard and monotonous, especially since he spent his time trying to ride the up escalator in the Twoson Department Store.

So, now we flash forward with a quantum leap and find our beloved Everdread 20 years older and much larger from eating so many Burgers at the department store. As such, he seemed more intimidating and decided to settle the score with his old rival, Spiteful Crow.

Returning to his old stomping ground, now known as Burglin Park, he was saddened to find most of the Hippies had turned to a life of selling material possestions for money, for which they bought beads and leather with. But his tree was still there, owned by Spiteful Crow, who had become too relaxed in his new lifestyle. Approaching Spiteful Crow, several other Hippies followed in Everdread's wake, including Bad Buffalo, Crested Booka, and Mad Taxi (he was a new age semi-retro hippie).

Calling up to Spiteful Crow in his old tree, Everdread peered through his signature shaded beneath his spiffy keen bowler hat. Despite his new look, Spiteful Crow immediately knew who he was and lept from his perch in order to lock horns with Everdread. However, like it usually does with Hippies and their weak vegetable bones, Spiteful Crow twisted his ankle on the way down and lost the fight against Everdread.

Glorious, Everdread began to walk towards his old faithful perch when suddenly his tree died. Ok, so maybe that was a little over the top. Let's just say that some guys who had been looking for wood from the logging company in Threed came by and saw the tree so they cut it down while Everdread and Spiteful Crow were fighting.

Sorrowful, Everdread did not know what he would do from then on. He growled and snarled and beat the ground, all while looking quite silly in his flowery shirt and polka-dot pants. He wanted a new home, and since he was now used to material possestions, he was more than ready to get one of those new fangled "houses" he had seen on the market. And since he was once again leader of the former Happy Happyists (some had defected to the color blue, others to green, and left home), he would be able to get just that.

Taking command of the Hippies, he ordered them to get clothes and food in order to fit in with the rest of the public and be able to spread the cult once again. In the process, they built him a lovely house on the same spot his old roost used to be. His right hand men, Coil Snake and Bad Buffalo, were sent to the head of the park to keep watch for any strangers, such as a chosen boy who might come and be friends.

And so, to make this long story short, I'll cut to the chase and say this: Everdread was on his roof because he missed his tree tops so much. Why he didn't just live in one of the many trees in the park is a mystery even to me, but that's the mind of a man with handle bar mustaches with flowery shirts, bowler hats, and polka-dot flair pants.

So that's all for now, kiddies! And if you plan on jumping off buildings and trees to lock horns with anyone, please be sure not to twist your ankles. If you do, just hobble inside and eat your doughnuts. And pie.


I sense a pattern emerging...:

Everdred was drunk. But wait! That's not all!

He looked to the left, and then to the right. All around him, the acrid smoke from cheap cigars and broken cyber-pets (of which there were 3) filled the room, causing everyone's eyes to water. His poker buddies gave nothing away, and he tried not to himself. He was gonna win this round, and earn himself the tidy sum of money on the table in front of him.

'Say, uh, Ed.' Everdred spat, 'I'm gonna see your $10,000 (keep in mind this would buy you like, a pizza and a baseball bat at this point in time, but shush, you're ruining the story :< ) and raise you, this diamond I pulled from my pocket!'


'Well, Dreddy (as much as Everdred hated this name, it wasn't as bad as M.C Dredzz; one of his lesser pseudonyms) I will see your bet,' Ed threw in another diamond he found on the floor, 'and raise you, my cafe!'


Everdred knitted it's brow! He realised he didn't own much colaterol, except for Burglin Park, and that wasn't really his, he just lived near it and liked to scare people who shopped there. It was just him and Ed in the game now. He had a problem, and a crappy hand. He could either play an honest bet of all his money, or he could make a tremendous lie in order to pull of his bluff.

'I bet Burglin Park!'


'And raise you my house!'

Ed suffered from multiple spasm attacks to his eyebrow muscles, causing him to make a movement like a Groucho Marx imitation in super fast motion. He calmed down, and put down his cigar.

'Well, Dred, let's see what you got.'

'Oh crap.' Everdred thought to himself, 'I stand to lose everything. I can't bluff any more, I've gone in way over my head.'

'Well?' Ed quipped, rolling his eyes in a peculiar manner.

'Uh, let's see what you got.' Everdred gulped, waiting for the worst to happen. Ed pulled his cards up from the table.

'See?' Ed laughed, 'I have.. the Ace of Spades! OW! The Aaaace of Spaaades! Also, four red diamonds. What have you got?'

'I have five cards. You only have two.'

'... ah.'

'Well, in accordance to the blatant stupidity law, Everdred wins the final amount.' said Tim, who, up to now, was very quiet, playing with his thumbs.

'Whew!' Everdred gasped, wiping his brow, after unknitting it, of course.

Well now this guy owned a park he never owned, somehow, and also a cafe he had no use for. He started to celebrate his recent victory, if you will, with the friends he didn't maliciously gut at poker (metaphorically) in the bar the Polestars opened up at night. (Wait, you didn't know they owned a bar? Heh, the kindergarten thing is a front, man. They're all trained during the day, and act as freaky midget waiters during the late hours of the day.)

'H-hey, J-jackiee..' Everdred slurred, whilst spilling his Shirley Temple, 'y-your my uhhhbest ffriend, yeah? You know wharrimean, yeah?'

Jackie, a rather uptight man, tried not to touch the reeling drunk. 'What do you want from me, Dred? I'm not going to help you fake your death again so we can get another one of those blow up banana boats. Twice is more than enough.'

'N-no, I wanna give you the cafe I w-won. I dun wanna ussse it lotss, and yyou like to make ddrinks, righ'? Am I righ' oh wha?'

'Oh wow! You really mean it Dred? You're really giving it to m-'

Jackie kept shut. He realised that Dred was drunk, even though he hadn't actually consumed any alcohol. He took the offer before he suddenly realised that he'd just given the cafe away.

'I'll call it, Jackie's Cafe!'


'And it'll have mirrors! And a disco ball! And a horribly deformed statue that casts a hallucinogenic gaze over whomever touches it! Awesome! Hey, guys!' Jackie projected to the other 4 guys at the bar, 'drinks at my cafe are on the house!'

Everdred, still swaying, perked up.

'Wherrs the drink? O-on my house? Wharrif a bird steals it?'

Oh come on, you could see it coming a mile off.

-Hawien Shertz

Hi-ho, the muffin man:

In order for this to be explained, Everdreads history must be delved into, deeper than any man or woman has gone into the mind of this ex-crime boss.

Everdread, or Herschel Moiyren Dredman as he was born, was always an outcast amongst his friends. Not only was his name cause for antagonizing, he was always the kind of kid who'd much rather watch a sci-fi movie than go outside and play baseball. This lead him to be quite the neglected child. His father didn't want his son to sit around and get fat reading comic books, and his mother didn't want his father upset because she was "coddling" the boy, nor did his sister ever want to be around such a 'loser'. Eventually, Herschel ran away from home, adopting the name "Everdread".

The boy soon became a 1-man crime spree! For almost a half decade(5 years), Everdread terrorized the poor people of Twoson. They lived in fear, and every day he'd collect his "protection fee" of $100 from each person. Soon he had well over $100,000. At the age of 21, Everdread had done more than most crime lords could ever accomplish in their entire crime lifetimes. Until one fateful night, about 20 years later, a bright orange streak tore through the sky. Everdread felt a change, as if all the evil in his body had been destroyed...or worse, consumed by this fiery rock from space. He watched the rock crash off in the distance, in some town called 'Onett'...and felt a strange calling, a destiny perhaps, that he would do battle with, and lose, to a boy named Ness...

Everdread felt this strange compassion, and a tugging feeling pulling him towards the TV. A young girl named "Paula" was kidnapped, and the most shocking part about it...the mother of Paula was Everdreads sister! Everdread vowed to wait for Ness to see if he was truly worthy of the undertaking he wished to bestow upon him...

Since that night, Everdread has changed his ways, and stood on his roof awaiting the boy called "Ness"...if his arrival could turn the crime lord inexplicably into overnight into a soft-hearted man, then he must have the power to save his neice...and if he could do that, he deserved the last $10,000 Everdread held.

-The MuffinMan

The roofer? o.o:

Everyone knows Everdred, the mafioso of Twoson. But few folks outside of the town of Two remember the story of Everdred, the roofer. You see, Everdred never wanted to be Twoson's most feared crime lord. His father (Everdred Sr.) wanted him to carry on his legacy, but young Everdred decided to follow his childhood dream and become a roofer. He left home to attend the prestigious Eagleland Academy of Roof Repair. Unfortunately, his dream was cut short when he heard the news that his father had died in an "accident". Everdred decided to return home and take over the family business.

The story doesn't end there, though. Several years after returning home, Everdred recieved a letter from an old friend. Raine E. Dais, the second best roofer in Everdred's old class, had sent a challenge to the mobster, to prove his skill in a roof repair competition. Each competitor would trash the other's roof, then return to their own roof and repair it as completely as possible. When the summer rains hit, the roofs would be judged. Everdred accepted the challenge, of course, and proceeded to decimate the roof of the Fourside apartment building where Dais lived. With everyone in Twoson and Fourside watching, the competitors returned to their own roofs and began repairing. Long story short, Ness encountered Everdred shortly after he had finished his work.

Now there's just one more part of the story to tell. A few weeks later, when the weather reports were predicting rain and he happened to be in Fourside on business, Everdred decided to stop by his opponent's home and take a look at his handiwork. When he got there, however, he encountered more than just an impressively sturdy roof. A group of Monotoli's thugs ambushed him and tossed him off the roof, in a final attempt to shut him up about the Mani Mani. Everdred, having a history of falling off roofs, managed to survive the drop and even walk away from it (after a few minutes' rest). Coincedentally, this event also led to Dais' roof's collapse when the rains hit.




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