Theories topic for the week of April 25 - May 2, 2012:

Man, who doesn't know about this building? Back in the day, I played this game, and always visited this landmark, and wondered, "Man... what's going on behind those doors?"

Well, apparently you guys all knew, and you spilled the beans. You dirty, dirty tattle-tails.

Theory of the Week:

On the second floor of a small building in Fourside, a group of Japanese businessmen sat around a table in a poorly lit room, sweating profusely from the intense Summer heat. They were discussing plans of making Mother 3.
After the success of Mother 2, Shigesato Itoi immediately began plans on creating a follow-up game in his series. He asked his best workers to collaborate as soon as possible so as to meet the demand of the hundreds of thousands of Mother fans. To keep their plans top-secret, they transported themselves into the world of Mother 2 via the Phase Distorter.

At first, things were not going well for the team. They were having trouble with creating real-time 3D graphics for the game; and since the game was planned to be launched on the N64DD, anything else would be second-rate.
Although the team was making headway, something else would be happening in the background that would eventually ruin all plans to release Mother 3.


A mysterious man (that I will refer to as "Reginald") had just bought a plane ticket to Kyoto, Japan. He was on his way to Nintendo Company, Ltd. to fulfill a dastardly deed. His plan: to sabotage the release of the N64 peripheral device, the Disk Drive. No one knows how, but he was able to kill the marketing campaign for this add-on, and it very quickly became a failure. Who was this mysterious Reginald, and what was his motivation for doing such a terrible thing? Did he hate Nintendo? Was he a spy for Sony or Sega?


A few weeks later, back at the Mother 3 Dev. team's building, they had received terrible news from headquarters in Japan. The Disk Drive, the system that they were planning on releasing Mother 3 on, was doomed for failure. All of their hard work had been for nothing, as they could no longer release the game on the system.

However, Itoi reminded them that the N64 was still going strong, and that they might be able to port their game to the original system instead! With new hope for completing their game, they got back to work..


With the Disk Drive now just a dummy product with no promise of success, Reginald felt he had completed his work and was ready to hop back on a plane for America. That was, until he got shocking news from a mole on the inside of NCL. Mother 3, which had previously been planned for release on the Disk Drive, was now planning to be released for the N64 itself.
By dooming the peripheral device, he thought he had secured the cancellation of Mother 3. But when he found out it was to be released anyway, he knew he could only do one thing: go right to the source and pull the plug on the game.
Why did Reginald want the kill Mother 3? What did Itoi or anyone associated with the game ever do to him?


After a few more weeks of nonstop work, the Mother 3 team had finished a single prototype cartridge for the game! They were very excited to share the news with headquarters, as they were 90% done with the new Mother game. But before they could dial the phone, a brilliant flash of light filled the room and knocked everyone out of their seats; another Phase Distorter had just appeared in their room. When the door of the machine opened, the men heard a maniacal laugh from within. Reginald stepped out of the machine, and pointed his Gaia beam at the team leader.
Threatening to shoot if they didn't hand over their prototype cartridge, he took the game before they could even comply. He then threw the cartridge up in the air, and shot it 3 times with his Gaia beam, destroying the game. As if this wasn't enough, he then proceeded to incinerate everything else in the room. This included their storyboard, computers, and other beta cartridges. The only thing left in the room were the men themselves and Reginald's Phase Distorter. Still laughing, he stepped back into his machine and disappeared in seconds.
The team was in total shock. Everything - ALL of their work - was lost, forever. The team had no choice but to cancel their project, as they would have no chance in releasing the game by their deadline.

Years later, the same team of men had rekindled the Mother 3 project and eventually released it in Japan. The game turned out to be fantastic, and Mother fans everywhere felt it was worth the long wait.

The mysterious Reginald, ironically, had climbed to the top of the Corporate ladder in the company he had plotted against years before. When he heard news of the release of Mother 3 in Japan, he vowed to himself that he will never allow the game to be localized in America......

- NorthofOnett


A Memoir of My Bass Fishing Misadventures, Volume 2:
Chapter 37:Life is Not Just a Cereal. My Modern-Day Life.

"There's another one," I said, putting the finished copy of MOTHER2 onto a shelf. I was wearing an exhausted frown from all the hard work, but it was finally beginning to fade into a quirky smile. Recently married, I thought hard, reflecting on his recent past. It was almost time for my anniversary with my wife. I had been so busy with the game that I had not spent much time with her. I sighed, remembering my bass fishing adventures on Akahoshi Lake. It had been years since she turned down my proposal, but she still looked as beautiful as ever.

We were just kids then, but years later, Hottie Buns, now a very successful movie star, and Itoi, now a famous copywriter... We were meant for each-other. Finally getting married in 1993, we learned bit-by-bit together, through hardships and trials as one. I returned home with a bright grin on my face. Looking towards Hottie Buns once more, she grinned and looked towards me. "UERUKAMU HOOMU HAANII," she said. "How was work?" She dropped the hipster English charade for a moment. "MOTHER2 is finally finished," I declared. "Oh! So, now you will finally be with me?" she pleaded. Her unending toothy grin glittered brilliantly. But, I didn't hear it. I had a vision! I was so excited, I blurted out before even hearing her, "I've got such great ideas for the third game!" Her grin stayed, but it hid her true sadness. "That's great, honey."

"And then, the cowboy will hit Orii in the face with the stick! It'll be so shocking, the players won't know WHAT to expect!" Hottie Buns was speechless, but she nodded her head, pretending to be excited. She wanted to sit down with me and tell me her true feelings, but she knew that I was excited for it, and did not want to upset me. I became withdrawn, moving in and out of the planning building in Fourside. The 64DD prototype was coming along nicely. But, as you may know, the task proved too much for me. What you likely do not fully understand is _why_. One day, Hottie Buns came up to me, with a stern look behind her unending beauty. "Honey, I'm leaving you. You have become too immersed in game-making." And that was it. She was gone, once again.

In a desperate plea for her love once more, I created the Nintendo 64 version of Itoi Shigesato no Bass Tsuri No. 1, filled with cherished memories of our bass fishing adventures. Finally, I went into the MOTHER3 planning room in Fourside and announced to everyone... "MOTHER3 is cancelled. I am sorry for this, but we have had many problems with development." Hottie Buns came back. She realized MOTHER3 meant a lot to me, and that I chose her over my vision. "Honey..." I shushed her, and kissed her affectionately. "Do not leave me again." She nodded. "YUU ARE SUUPAA HASUBANDO, NANBA WAN!" And she grabbed my hand, my desperate plea worked.

We strolled off into the distance, the meeting room in Fourside abandoned. Eventually, I may go back to the project, but from now on, my family comes first. I want to be with my love for many years to come. I want to relive those cherished memories of my youth. I want to always be my Hottie Buns' "SUUPAA ANGURAA!"

- BB Gang Zombie

Ness's dreams of game development died that day:

It was late in the afternoon. Three bored men were sitting about a lone table behind their computers in the Nintendo of America studio reserved for EarthBound. Their names were Marcus, Dan, and Mike, and they were among the few NOA personnel that are credited for the EarthBound localization. If you don’t know who they are, then go read the game’s credits.

Anyways, for reasons that will be left unexplained (because NOA does that a lot), this Nintendo studio and the co-workers inside it were situated within the world of EarthBound, right in the metropolis of Fourside, to be exact. This is what was really going on in that building:

“Dan, do you really think that ‘EarthBound 2’ sign outside is necessary? I mean, we’re not really the APE software development team, and we’ve already broken the fourth wall enough in this game, haven’t we?” asked Marcus.

“Ah, we’ll be fine,” replied Dan. “All the people outside are just NPCs, anyway, and the player can’t get in, either; I locked the door. Plus, if we didn’t put a sign or something outside, then the fans would probably end up writing some dumb theories about what’s really going on in here.” Marcus nodded in accordance.

“Come to think of it…” said Mike. “Even the NPCs have been asking for a sequel to EarthBound. It won’t be long until the fans get restless, too.”

“Let’s worry about that in a few years or so. Besides, we’re just the localization team, anyway.” Dan responded again.

After a short pause, Marcus chimed, “You know, Dan, you’ve always been pretty good at answering questions. You should start a Q&A column, or something, I don’t know.”

“Yeah, that’s a pretty good idea,” Mike added. They all chuckled to themselves.

But suddenly, the three employees’ thoughts were cut short by a loud knocking on the front door.

“Uh, oh…” Dan muttered. “Why can’t these stupid NPCs just read the dang sign?”

Mike quickly hurried over to the door and looked out the peephole. “It’s not an NPC; it’s Ness!” he said. “Wait a minute… Dan, you wrote on the sign that only those related to the project can enter; Ness probably thinks he’s allowed in!”

“Poor kid,” sighed Marcus. “He actually thinks he’s going to make an appearance in the next Mother game.”

“What a shame…” agreed Mike, as he watched a forlorn Ness shuffle away miserably from the building in sorrow.

The three workers sighed, and returned to their games of Minesweeper.

- AmateurGamer

The Silliest Theory:

When Ness first walked by that “Earthbound 2” office, he didn’t know what to think. Nearly everyone around had been talking about “Earthbound” on his journey. “I wonder when EARTHBOUND is coming out!” a full-grown woman had said to him in Onett. Others chanted about this game, and others complained.

After the vanquishing of Giygas and Porky, Ness took the initiative to go to the general store, which was fully stocked of “Earthbound” copies. Ness put the cartridge in his SNES. “This better be good,” said Ness. And, much to Ness’s shock, the game was an EXACT REPLICA of his journey! Except now it had mumble-jumble like “Crashing Boom Bang Attack” and “Experience Points”.

“What the…?” Ness exclaimed. Then he realized- that “Earthbound 2” office must have been responsible for this!

Ness couldn’t copyright his own life adventures, but he sure could complain about it. After eating up on some steak, Ness marched down to the office.

Ness slammed the doors open. He gasped.

Sitting at the table was Dr. Andonuts, Apple Kid, and the Slot Machine Brothers. Apple Kid chewed on a pen while everyone else stared at Ness.

“Excuse me?!?” Porky screamed unhappily.

“So, I suppose we do meet again!” Ness shouted back.

An unknown man walked up behind Ness. “Take a seat!” he shouted. He pushed Ness into a chair swiftly.

“Meeting begins now,” the unknown man said. “Today we will discuss Earthbound 2 and our plot involving it!” He pulled a rope, and a curtain parted, revealing an old miniature refrigerator with calculator parts glued to it.

“Ness, we used this machine to capture reality and turn it into a game.”

Ness’s jaw hit the ground.

“And now…” he pulled another rope and a platform lowered, revealing a calculator with refrigerator parts glued to it. “…This can capture a game’s event and make it become reality.”

“Now, we could be careless, and make Pac-man a reality, and watch Onett be eaten while listening to buzzes and whistles. But, instead, we’re going to make our own game…” He cackled.

“We’ve captured some characters to put in this game. Now, Ness, we want to audition for Lucas’s father, Flint!”

Ness gasped! “Never! I won’t take part in this!”

“Then, when the game is released, you will suffer from tons of fan mail, sent directly to your home! Every letter will ask whether or not you are FLINT… or Alec, or Lucas, or Duster.”

Ness didn’t know any of this people, but he sensed the painful pulse of fan theories searing through his mind.

“With this new game, we’ll mention the destruction of Onett in it. After making it a reality, we’ll have the pleasure of watching Onett and the rest of Eagleland burn to the ground!”

Ness leaped up to the calculator-refrigerator machine. “So, I’m Flint, right?”

“Um… yes!”

Ness grinned. “Then that also mean that I’m Chuck Norris, according to other fan theories. Therefore, I can divide by zero…” Ness punched in 8/0 on the calculator.

All that we know that happened after this is that Ness walked home, and the office was destroyed. As for Earthbound 2, we don’t know what happened to that…

- Ostricho



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