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Theories topic for the week of November 23 - 30, 2011:

At the end of Earthbound/Mother 2, Pokey escaped before Giygas was destroyed. We all know that somehow he ended up on Nowhere Island in Mother 3, but it's never clear exactly WHAT he did in the meantime. That's what I asked you to clear up for us, and the winner is below, followed by the rest!


Theory of the Week:

Pokey yawned. It had been a long day of enslaving a new dimension and freezing the stupid rebels in carbonite. He rubbed his eyes, thinking about the revolt he had just destroyed, all those screaming people. It’s a shame that they were so easy to put down. Being ruler of everything starts to get a little boring after a while.

After that stink head Ness beat him and killed Giygas, Pokey decided to go around the dimensions and rule everything. Pokey smiled and looked out the large window of his new self-appointed castle. It looked like it was time to meet his new subjects. He walked to his balcony and smiled down at the people below. Maybe he could find some entertainment here.

“Hello!” he yelled, “I am your new king!”

There was some mumbling among the crowd, but Pokey knew that they would warm up eventually, but just in case, he had to “encourage” their loyalty.

“I want you to feel comfortable, so I will let you give me something!” He said, “Send up your fastest worker!”

Pokey had to strain his eyes, but he saw a girl walking through the crowd and up to his castle. He was happy that they decided to listen to him. When she finally got up to him, he got a pretty good look at her, and he didn’t like what he saw. She was pretty puny.

She looked about his own age, how could this be their fastest worker? Pokey gave her a once over and sneered. Clearly they had cheated him. But he had to be sure.

“Are you really the fastest worker?” he asked.

She huffed, and then said, “Everyone else has already left the village, or was killed in the rebellion. The people that are left are either old, children, or handicapped.”

“Man!” Pokey said, “This’s not what I had in mind.”

She held her arms out to the side and said, “Well, that’s what you get.”

This girl was interesting, usually, the girls who are sent up are scared, but she was just smug. Pokey decided to keep her, “What’s your name?” he asked.

“Polly,” she said.

From then on, Pokey and Polly would live alone in the castle. Pokey would have Polly clean and cook for him, do his laundry, and pretty much any other chore. Each day, Polly would get a little less distant. Each time, she would say a little more at dinner, and they would talk to each other, sharing dreams and wishes.

Pokey was really enjoying himself. The idea of staying in this dimension crept up a few times. He would sit with Polly and they would talk. Way more than that idiot Ness ever did. Pokey was starting to enjoy himself a little more.

Years passed, every few often, Pokey would think about starting his quest to rule everything again, but each time, Polly would come in and they would talk. He would soon forget the idea and get lost in the moment.

It took him a while, but Pokey finally decided what to do. He was going to stay and live with Polly. He came to the breakfast table, ready to tell her, but she wasn’t there. He ran through the house, calling for her, but there was no answer, just the sound of his own voice echoing off the walls. He ran outside, still calling, but she was nowhere to be found.

When he was about to give up, he heard Polly calling him from the balcony in the castle. Pokey ran to the top floor, joy in each step, but when he reached his room, all joy faded. As he walked in, the door was shut behind him.

Blocking his escape was one of the men from the rebellion. He was holding Polly with his hand over her mouth; her voiceless screams filled Pokey’s ears. The man stepped forward and two mere rebels stepped up beside him.

“Time for you to leave,” he said.

“Yeah, time to leave,” the guy on the right said.

The leader smiled, “I’m Butch, the one on the right is Biff, and the one on the left is Ben.” “What do you want?!” Pokey said.

“I think I was pretty clear,” Butch sneered.

“Yeah, he was clear,” Biff said.

“He said to get out,” Ben said.

“And if I don’t?” Pokey asked.

Butch laughed. He pulled out his gun and pointed at Pokey. He handed Polly to Ben and began counting, “3…2…1…”

The next few seconds happened slowly. Pokey heard Ben yell “Ouch! She bit me!” Then he heard a gunshot and felt a warm object crash into his arms. He looked in horror at Polly. She had taken the bullet for him and now she was dying in his arms.

Pokey couldn’t help but to cry over the girl in his arms.

Polly smiled up at him weakly, “Don’t cry,” She said, “I’ll always love you.

“Poor Ms. Anna,” Butch said, “but this doesn’t mean anything different, we still want you gone!”

As she died in his arms, Pokey just let the tears flow. Why did she do it!? The porky bots are way faster than a bullet, they could have stopped it. Then he lost it. More. He first called in his porky bots to get rid of the three nuisances. He sent out his porky bots and laid waste to the whole world.

As he left the dimension, he vowed never to be so weak again.

- Tobio


So much hate... :( :

From the ashened questions we let burn out, Pheen-X tries to bring these questions back to life, with an inferno of answers. This week's question, what did Pokey/Porky Minch do during the gap of Mother 2-Mother 3?

Pokey (a.k.a Porky)Minch, that little (censored due to pure hatred and foul language towards that punk (Again, censored due to certain words and attitudes…so let’s fast forward 2 pages past the first censor…and 8 pages past the original text) of a kid, anyway, back to the original theory) of a human being! But I digress. There is something that never was truly explained for us. Where was he, and what was he doing during the gap of Mother 2 and Mother 3? Well…I got in contact with past families, past spirits (don’t ask…that’s an even longer story), and people both past and present who’ve actually seen the little (Seriously, again with the censor? I must really not like that…monster) around their land, and it’s safe to say, none of their words were good ones.

Porky(I’ll use his more insulting name) was seen in Eagleland for a short amount of time after Giygas’s defeat, it seemed that possibly, some of Giygas’s evil was able to embed itself after his fall into the already disturbed mind of the boy. These small evil thoughts, grew into more devilish plans, and he soon realized, that as much as he wished it not true, he needed help, in order to create his vision, recreate the world…as he seems fit.

As much denial as there be, Porky was actually intelligent enough to build plenty of technology, his walker, the chimera creators, all his devious designs. He even went so far as developing a time machine, but he knew that Eagleland would be aware about his evil mind, with Ness spreading fair warning about him. Even in his machine, he would have no chance against an entire town.

“I personally saw him in his mech, actually floating on water!” Said a lake watcher in Winters. Since his first walker was trashed, he made a new one, one with stronger steel, sharper legs, laser beams, bomb creators, life support, feeding tubes, even water purifiers so normal sea water could be transported to him. His inventions could’ve been used to save lives, to help people, but it was his own selfish wants that kept him away from what little good he had left in his blackened heart.

As he walked across the lake in his light-weight, high defense contraption, he was able to implant his sharp steel legs into the mind of the beloved Tessie, forcing the poor girl to destroy any vessel that got in the way of his sights to some low developed islands he came across in his research…Nowhere Islands to be exact. Once he arrived on the islands…poor Tessie has succumbed to exauhstion…and met her undeserved fate (Let it be said, next to Mr. Saturn, Tessie is 2nd favorite character in the whole series!). Of course, Tessie became no more than a trophy to the monster, having her stuffed to display in his hall of victory he had planned development on. Finding a place to hide out, he created more and more for his cause. Years turned into decades, and soon, he claimed the walker to be his body.

After so many years, he knew it was time. He created cyborg soldiers to start with, only to realize their…communication skills were lacking, unable to draw others to his cause. He had prepared for this, creating one mind manipulation bomb. He ended up dropping this in a village on another island past the one of Tazmilly. Beyond their will, they lost all intelligence, all…being men, women, animals, and even children. These people sent word, saying the pigmasks were ready to develop, a happy, more enjoyable world than the one currently had. Within the spread of the word, a loner, by the name of Fassad took a liking to the idea, finding the mechanized Porky. Fassad told him that he had powers, beyond belief. Powers, that can manipulate most of the world’s thoughts, as it is.

Porky said that going after the world…would be unneeded. He knew about the word, greed. And once greed enters any village, any town, any group of people, wars break, chaos reigns, and they’re already in a state of no more peace, where it will remain forever. All it takes…is to have the most money, and with his father’s position, he was able to get ATM transfers of over $3 Trillion dollars before his leaving of Eagleland, that not only his father saved, but he himself stowed away. His father was unaware of Porky’s large deposit, resulting in bankruptcy.

In all actuality, Porky owned…most of the world, but he wanted it all. Fassad took the words of greed, and told Porky, that he could convince anyone of a lighter heart that money was good. In doing so, could start the chain of greed again. No payment was needed, just part of the new world to help Porky work in. The help was accepted, and thus, word of money and advancement spread throughout the Nowhere Islands. As such, the evil mind watched as progress was made in his favor. Even within the progress, he knew he still wasn’t perfectly safe, but he knew someone who could make it that way…and help make the annoyingly cute animal in the land, cooler, tougher, and stronger. So he went back in time within his own time machine, and kidnapped the well known Dr. Andonuts. Forced against his will, and lack of knowledge for the situation, he built every one of the projects, and the chimera’s started to spread, and kill, against their own will. And Dr. Andonuts, was given one more project, before he was to be executed…build an absolutely safe setting for Porky to live in.

As development for his land was met, he noticed a young boy on the top of one of the cliffs near Drago Plateau, dead from the fall. Realizing the interesting situations of viewing one of his own creations being downed, he decided to actually recreate the boy, to be a super mechanized warrior, after Fassad forwarned of a curl-haired boy having great power beyond technology. It was all coming together. His vision, the spread of greed, the increased thoughts of technology, the chimera developments, it was all, coming together greatly. Soon, he’d be untouchable. Soon, he’d rule everything, and everyone. Soon…it’d all be his.

Thankfully…we know the end of his story, no need for that detail.

Wow, this was a long one, but that evil monsters story had to be told. So, with another ashened question, now a thriving, black flame, my knowledge has been shared. So, in memory of the ones that were lost in visions, greed, and especially Tessie...this is Pheen-X…saying good-bye for now.

- Firej7


Obviously, he should learn to yell 'Pizza Hut!" when he's sad:

While Pokey was fleeing in his Devil’s Machine from an increasingly uncontrollable Giygas, he was flung out from the cave of the past and crash landed near his home, since those were the last thoughts that he had had (when telling Ness to call for his mom) before he left. Pokey, somewhat injured, then managed to crawl towards his house only to be looked upon with disgust by his parents, who were concerned that had missed too much school to be of any use and had to be disciplined by order of a grounding. Pokey then decided to create a plan of escape and left a note for Picky to find and relay to Ness (just to be funny). He then climbed down from his bedroom window to find and enter the almost broken Devil’s Machine where, feeling frustrated and sad, yelled “Nowhere” at the computer’s voice when it asked for the desired destination. The machine had guessed that the sarcastic tone was genuine and that the arrival point would be the future Nowhere Islands where, after his landing, his name was mistaken for “Porky” due to him having such little energy left as to not be able to pronounce his own name properly. The inhabitants quickly mistook him for a supreme being and gave their ruler “Porky” a sense of being invincible and all-powerful, with no one to stop him from going too far, yet… - Amstrauz


The Traveling Conqueror:

Soon after turning off the Devil’s Machine, Porky teleported back to his house, right inside his and Picky’s room. Picky had an alarmed expression on his face, seeing Porky in this machine. He tossed it to Picky, shouting, “Give that to Ness!” and teleported away.

Porky could only teleport for one reason: He had stolen the Phase Distorter. He had used a “shrinking device” to make it small enough to fit in his mecha. He had also stolen lots of other things from Onett and the surrounding areas, to bring back fond memories of his old home, and his old friend, Ness.

Porky, then, teleported to the nearest Mach Pizza and gorged himself. After that, he teleported to Six Flags and spent a long afternoon eating hot dogs and squealing like a girl on the rides. However, all these fun times did not go on forever. After a course of days, the evil influence Giygas had put in his mind started to sink in again. Suddenly, he was bent on domination. First he tried to take over the entire world, but the world governments fought back, and he was easily defeated. Porky time-traveled back to before he tried, and thought out a different plan. This time, he would time-travel to several different eras and kidnap new soldiers. Then, he would find someplace small, and attack.

First, he teleported to Ancient Egypt and snatched some farmers harvesting the papyrus by the river. Then, he went to the Crusades and took a couple dozen people there. Ancient Greece? Porky snatched a hundred Trojans trying to escape their burning city.

Pretty soon Porky had two thousand soldiers, all shrunk to miniscule size. He time-traveled again. “Lookie there!” exclaimed Porky. “A tiny little island! Perfect for a siege, if you ask me!

Spankety, spankety, spankety!” Porky thought he could get more soldiers and supplies, but he was LOCKED IN that era. So he just started. After some weeks of work, they were constructing a city, tanks, and other things for their new empire. NOBODY would ever be able to stop him…

- Ostricho


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