News:

Theories topic for the weeks of May 2 - May 23, 2012:

PSI is a truly powerful gift, one that very few people wield. One theory is that it's hereditary. If this is true, then what other characters in the game possess great powers?


Theory of the Week:

Okay, so lets assume PSI is hereditary. That means in the game Earthbound, Poo, Paula, and Ness are all related. Some people believe that this power came from Gygias himself, and that he fathered all three of these innoncent children's grandparents. I think that's just plain gross. Here's what really happened.

Noah, when he was on the ark (also known as the white ship) grabbed a strange being known as a Magypsie. However he accidentally grabbed two of the same gender (not being able to tell the difference) and they thus wound up marrying his two sons. Magypsies had the ability to do crazy psychic stuff, and this ability they passed on to their children. Only some had the magical abilty. In fact, you have about a 1/128th chance of gaining this special power as being one of the Magypsie's offspring. In other words, you have about as much chance of finding the sword of kings.

So one day an alien comes along, he plans on destroying the earth with a big bad death ray, to make room for an interglatic highway or something. But a couple people with this special psychic power kick his butt. He gets mad about this, jealous of such super special awesome abilities. He makes up a story about those abilities being his and they were just stolen from him. However, he can't stand the sound of Justin Beiber (also known as Ninten) who sings him off the planet.

Fast forward ten more years, and Gygias has gone mad trying to figure out how to use PSI. Eventually he turns himself into a baby fetus looking thing and flushes himself in a toilet, and attacks the chosen four with the incomprhensible singing he learned from Justin Beiber. They, being awesome though, again kick his butt with the help of prayer and some Beatle's music and refrences. Gygias is really really angry about this, and manifests himself in a human form known as Reggie and invents copyright infringement so the story will never get out or be told again, further humiliating him.

So thats how PSI came about. However, eventually it grows unstable. In fact, by the time of 199X, some people are growing claws and developing the ability to control the weather. A bunch of these guys band together and call themselves the X-men. Around the 90's lots of other people with special mutations orginating from PSI come about. This causes awesome cartoons on telivison.

Who else has this super special awesome ability known as PSI? Let me sight a few examples from the said game, Earthbound.

1 New Age Retro Hippies. Again, PSI is begining to become unstable in the 90's. So the new age retro hippie was one of the first to feel the affects. His hair changed into an odd frizy style on the sides and his body began twisting around. He eventually got a fever and learned PSI Air Guitar, playing Johnnie Be Goode out of thin air. He also learned PSI Protractor, which is especially useful since you can figure out the angles and measurements of things.

2 Mr T. Mr T gained the amazing PSI ability of PSI Hairpocalypse. His facial hair and mohawk grow to extreme lengths and beat up people.

3 Escargo Express Guy- He learned PSI Teleport Omega, and found this especially useful in his career.

There are few other people, lucky enough to be born with this amazing ability. But if you look closely at characters like Chuck Norris and Reid Young, evidence of PSI being amoung us is evident.

~Fin~

- mrstaplez


I bet that's why her house is unlocked...:

Ness’s mom stared nervously out the window. She could not believe what she was seeing. Huge mechanical octopuses, 7-foot-tall human-like aliens, and even giant, unnerving, mobile eye balls with legs! They all seemed to be patrolling the meteorite that had fallen earlier that week. Consequently, this caring, solicitous mother could do nothing more than wonder whether or not her son would be alright during this apparent alien invasion.

Not to mention, the power was out, so Ness’s mom couldn’t do the laundry, nor watch her favorite soaps. She and Tracy could do nothing more than sit at the table and eat raw steak meat (the oven wouldn’t work, either).

Suddenly, Ness’s mom was thoroughly surprised by a knocking on the door. The ordinary supposition was that her son was outside, but Ness’s mother knew that her child would never knock before entering a house; it was a form of courtesy that even Lardna’s kids had mastered, but not hers. Therefore, she knew something was up. After telling Tracy to go upstairs for a bit, she cautiously strode over to the door and opened it slowly. Then she was greeted by one of the aforementioned 7-foot tall aliens that she had witnessed previously. Not sure whether to slam the door shut or strike up a conversation, Mom spoke:

“C-can I help you?” she asked. The alien’s response included various clicks and mechanical noises.

“Affirmative, Ma’am. Upon our arrival, we have noticed an immensely high concentration of PSI-based energy on this property.”

“PSI-based energy?” the woman repeated bewilderedly. “But… my son isn’t even home!”

“Nevertheless,” the alien continued indifferently, following a short buzz and click. “This land shall be utterly vaporized; effective immediately.”

“Utterly vaporized?!” Ness’s mom cried apprehensively. “But you can’t do that!”

“Negative. Observe,” the enemy replied, while raising its arms to the heavens.

Ness’s mom began panicking fearfully. Looking up to the sky, she noticed unidentifiable objects forming above their heads. Soon, she found herself shutting her eyes and holding out her hands in front of her, towards the mechanical fiend. All of a sudden, Ness’s mom witnessed a small, yet massively powerful beam of pure energy bursting forth from her head, racing towards the unfortunate alien. What was left of the enemy after this unexpected attack was nothing more than a mass of ascending vapors, and a lone pair of robotic feet.

“Oh, my…” Ness’s mom whispered to herself. “I guess I changed its mind, then,” she added, smiling.

And so, Ness’s mother returned to pointlessly standing around the house, waiting for her son to arrive. She had just made an amazing discovery, yet she decided to keep it to herself, for the time being. Of course, that particular Starman had tons of back-up, who could have avenged his death, but the sight of its obliterated corpse in front of the house caused his allies to reconsider that notion. Instead, they chose to hover around the small residence, acting as intimidating and frightening as possible.

-AmateurGamer


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