Theories topic for the week of December 7 - December 14, 2011:

The Starmen seem to be Giygas's elite fighting force, making up the most powerful units in his(her?) military. But what ARE they? Where do they originally come from? Are they organic or robotic? That's what I asked you, the readers of, to answer.

Theory of the Week:

The alien race responsible for the creation of the starmen had a major issue to resolve. Though they had reached a level of mental and psychic powers beyond anyone's imaginations, their physical strength was the equivalent of a snake: they could squeeze the life out of you, but they couldn't lift a stone even if their very life depended on it. In order to work around this problem, their researchers began to look for a solution. Their researches brought them to field of robotics.

The first starmen were built in their creators' image save for a very obvious muscular buff. Made to be resistant and yet flexible, they were build with a very special alloy that made the metal moldable like clay, but resistant like titanium. Back then, the only trait distinguishing the variants were the color of the alloy used. Very few had seen the first starmen in action. However, records of such a sight had been left behind on Earth somewhere in the previous century. One of those records was then found by James Cameron who inspired him to create the T-1000 for the upcoming sequel of Terminator.

However, as advanced as the starmen' bodies could be, they had no mind and AI was not reliable enough. The alien race had once again hit a snag. After what seemed an eternity, they had finally come with a plan: they picked one of their own whose genetic material was optimal to become a genetic template and they created partial clones using it. The alien race knew how to manipulate cloning to obtain only what they needed. In this very case, all they needed was a fonctional brain. With the process finally stable, clones of the very same brain were mass produced and integrated within each single starmen unit. This resulted into a serving machine not only capable of physical strength, but with the ability to use the race's secret weapon: PSI. You would think that such a messed up idea would never see the light of day from a human's mind. Sadly, it seemed that later on, without any knowledge of the starmen, a movie producer thought of a similar idea for a Star Wars movie...

Of course, cloning is not a fully reliable process. Some of the brains were shown to have a deficient mind. Others, on the other hand, were shown to possess better caracteristics of the original. Nevertheless, none of the cloned brains could go to waste. The inferior ones were mounted into a more basic model of the starmen. Those models were made less resistant since they were likely to get destroyed anyway. However, the superior ones were graced with a better body who could benefit their abilities and allow them to become more resistant to attacks. This created the ranks of the starmen: the simple units, the super units who contained the average brains, the deluxe units, superior units given officer ranks, and the final units, the cream of the metal who will later on become private guards for assigned VIPs of the alien race. As for the brains who were considered beyond hope, they were put inside artificial bodies and shipped across enemy planets to make them pose as politicians. Their creators were hoping that they could ruin those planets for them.

Later on, the alien race discovered something that they had not anticipated. Some of the superior starmen, once destroyed, were able to keep their mind alive. Through sheer will of their cloned brains, they would regain a new physical form which would create the new special units: the Ghosts. During the invasion of Earth in 199X, some people had noticed the effectiveness of the Ghosts. They would later on inspire game designers at Blizzard to create the ghost and dragoon units for StarCraft.

With a robotic army of faithful soldiers at their disposal, the alien race had become a major force within the universe. At that time, they firmly believed that they were now invincible. Working hard to expand the starmen technology, they began working on a new model that required less brain power while keeping their effectiveness. Somewhere near the year 200X, the Juniors were finally in mass production.

- Nightshade


Judging by the fact that BuzzBuzz is from ten years in the future as well as his arch nemesis, Starman Jr, I feel we can safely assume that all Starmen have traveled from the future to do the bidding of Giygas. Though I suppose it would be a safer assumption that it is the Pig King who commands them in a future where Giygas remains his pawn. It would seem there are many beings with robotic forms that have been sent back, but the only foes with a commanding presence or rank would be the Starmen. It seems they are sentient life forms who have nothing but complete loyalty to their cause.

In this futuristic world the leader of this world would desire nothing but complete control and loyalty. Obviously this individual could not rely on a human to be completely loyal as emotions come into play. It seems these emotions, when combined with the power Giygas possesses causes all creatures, humans and animals to go completely insane. The only alternative would be to utilize technology to develop what I believe to be beings with bodies fabricated entirely out of nanotechnology.

In a sense these creatures emulate life and possess an artificial intelligence that emulates our own, yet they do not question orders and will die for their leader without thinking twice. Buzzing and Wrrring king of give it away, though. Based off of research done on humans they are granted control over the art of PSI. I suppose one could go as far as to say they perfected PSI Teleport as they can vanish and appear in another area almost instantly.

From parts of the Phase Distorter one could assume the ability to travel through time would have been acquired. It is obviously far easier to send a robot through time than a living creature. Starman Jr followed BuzzBuzz back in time ten years in pursuit, a feeble attempt to avert a prophecy. Judging by this one could also assume that BuzzBuzz is a robotic life form as he too traveled back in time.

The only hole in my theory is Pokey, it seems he is still human as he controls the “Almighty Idiot” yet his form is blue… Or grey. One theory could be an advanced technology could have created a protective shell for him, and with technology from a decade in the future these advanced beings ended up helping Pokey do something Dr. Andonuts didn’t think was possible. It would seem, however, that these beings can bring living life forms with them in their time travel teleportation.

I will say, the Starman does bear a striking resemblance to the Wooly Shambler. If I were to consider a theory of the Starmen being an Alien in a suit, that would be my guess. Perhaps a sheet of wool covers those skinny legs. A special suit provides PSI Attacks and maybe, just maybe under that Starman suit is a Wild –N- Naked Shambler.

- Faolan

Man of clay, man of stars:

From the ashened questions we let burn out, Pheen-X tries to bring these questions back to life, with an inferno of answers. This week's question, what are the Starmen? Heheh, let me tell ya, I kinda knew this one, even before I took on a career of theorizing, for it was what nearly inspired me. Let me start of by saying...we see more of them than you'd expect.

Starmen, enemies of Eagleland, bent on stopping Ness and Co. from reaching Giygas. Though some would say they are robots, and others ailiens, I'm here to finally debunk that myth. Starmen, are actually made of clay and another powder like substance (I'd say dragonite...or maybe a failed version of the sort, either way it's something from another land) bringing the creations to life with a quick jolt. And everyone knows how much clay could be found under Stonehenge, so the Starman Elite (One of the first to be developed) dug into it, and created a laboratory of sorts to create a Starman Factory.

So where do the Starmen get their smarts? Simply by their creators, yep, it's no more than an AI (Of course with Giygas's control, the AI was well kept in control, but still witheld power REMEMBER THIS FACT) Just with that AI, they learned how to communicate, fire lasers, and fight. And it was believed that certain intelects could help increase the knowledge of the AI's, so as to obtain info that was never thought of before.

Now backing up in my words a little, does the clay creation being shocked to life sound...familiar? If you are thinking the same thing I am, then you'll be thinking a connection to the Mother 3 clay beasts. YEP, THOSE CLAY BEASTS, WERE ACTUALLY PROTOTYPE STARMEN (Remember, the Starmen were said to have come from the future...though it wasn't said how far, plus, there really was no harmful future after certain events). Now, how is it possible such knowledge could have been used some would ask. Hehe, well, I got an answer for that to.

Remember Pokey/Porky Minch? Remember how he allied himself with Giygas? Think of all the things Porky has seen. He must have seen The Stonehenge factory at one point, and the Starmen were on his side, due to the fact he was a soldier for Giygas as well. Now, think of all of the things Porky created. Is it truly a wrong thing to suggest that Porky, may have learned the design for the Starmen, and thus tried to create them for himself. This theorist says Nay!

So now back in the Tazmilly Future, we see the development of the Clay Beasts. Yet, they seem...different. Reason being, though Porky copied a design, he truly didn't understand some of the high alien intellect (now, I'm a theorist, not an astronaut, so I'm guessing the Starmen Clay and Dust was from a planet I'll call...Carl...urn...sti, Carlurnsti!). With the lack of higher knowledge, we were left to engage in battle with the...Clay Beasts.

Now, the design may have been different, but there was another thing strange with the beasts. Lack of knowledge and control. Porky got mad that his creation resembled nothing of the Starmen, even with the similar AI program, yet with his sight set on HIS world, he truly never tried to fix them. Of course, even if he tried to fix them, he could never get their control. Because, he didn't have the mind manipulation abilities like the fallen Giygas. As much as we don't want to think of it, if it thinks, it usually has something like a heart to resemble emotions, for certain emotions tend to make some fight stronger. Without such emotion control, it was absolutely impossible to maintain perfect Starmen.

Now, why did Starmen come to Eagleland in the first place, and from where? This can be answered from game one. The fallen Giegue(or however you spell it, I'm not perfect), knowing that his chances of fighting the kids again that knew his weakness, would always result in failure. So he travelled through the many plains of space and found the planet of Carlurnsti. He convinced the only Starmen creator (Coincidentally being the only inhabitent of the planet.) to create a powerful army for him. Sadly, what wasn't explained was the price. Once the Starman Elite was created, Giegue and the creator were sent into it's body, forced to become only as strong as it. Though the intentions were still the same.

And thus, was the intentions,creations,and explanations for Starmen from my best content. Another question is left to burn in a moonlit fire, warming those willing to sit around it. So, this is Pheen-X saying, look to the stars, for they may just be watching back.

- firej7



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