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Theories topic for the double week of April 11 - 25, 2012:

The Stonehenge base is huge, deep underground, and full of technological wonders. It seems to have been around forever, at least long before Giygas's influence developed. So where did it come from?


Theory of the Week:

Giygas sighed. The blueprint was sitting in front of him; it was for his new fortress on Planet Earth. It was going to be smack-dab in the middle of Scaraba. It was going to be 7 stories tall, have an indoor pool, replicas of The Mona Lisa and The Last Supper, and a greenhouse to grow turnips in. Giygas ripped the blueprint in half. There was simply not enough money in their budget in their bank- there was no way they could afford it, especially in an area where a hamburger costed more than ten dollars.
Giygas and his Starmen contractors had made cuts to the project; they removed the indoor pool and the game room from the blueprint, and the project was still millions of dollars. Giygas was not happy.
Starman Junior walked into Giygas’s office. He had earphones in, and was listening to some trashy rap music. “Hello, great master,” Starman Junior said.
Giygas sighed again. “Starman Junior, I am not h….a….p….p…y,” Giygas responded sorrowfully. “We don’t have enough m…o…n…e…y!”
Starman Junior whirred and clicked. “We can sell all my rap CD’s, *click* and all my Call of Duty games.” Starman Junior looked pleased with himself. “And we can hit up Ness’s dad. He’s made of money.”
Giygas shook his vapory red head. “No… he is the enemy…! Besides… he refused the first time we asked.”
Starman Junior opened a new tab on his eternal Internet Explorer (yes, Starmen run on Windows) and did a quick Google search. “Look here, *whirr* master. Stonehenge. It’s been abandoned for years.” After an hour’s long argument, the pair came to the conclusion that the blueprint was garbage and they would have to buy used property. Unfortunately, Giygas knew he would have to go to a real estate office and sign tons of paper. Perhaps the reason he was called the “embodiment of evil” was because the real estate guys rubbed some of their ultimate evil onto him. He began daydreaming about his Giegue days, where he had tons of cash to spare.

A week later, the Starmen were setting up their new base at Stonehenge. The first thing they had to do was tear down all the “National Site” plaques that surrounded the area. Then, their hired contractors came and dug into the ground, added pathways, and install an evil-looking washing machine in the back. It was going quite well until the Mooks came and griped to the Starmen about where their base would be, to which Starman Junior responded, “Go hijack a grocery store *click* or something!”
When completed, there was no money left for beds, so the Starmen had to sleep on the cold floor. Starman Junior woke up in the middle of the night to hear “SQUAK!”
Starman Junior screamed! Fobbies and Foppies everywhere! And no stools to stand on! They had to spend the rest of their petty cash on an exterminator.
The worst part of all was when they discovered they had a new boss. His name was Starman DX, and he had a stupid request.
“This here is the Sword of Kings,” Starman DX declared. “One of you Starman Supers are required to hold on to it.”
“Why don’t we just throw it away?” Starman Junior was perplexed.
“Because we just got some gripe from Master Giygas that we need a 1/128 item or something of the sort.”
Starman Junior sighed and wished he had never made that Google search.

- Ostricho


Over the Stone Hedge:

The Stonehenge base...

You know, this one is a simple mistake that people commonly make, but it's actually the stone HEDGE. You see, what you call "Starmen" are actually rich entrepreneurially-oriented businessmen with a lot of money. They dress like spacemen because they're weird and that's super cool and trending. They wear bright gold and silver shimmering suits because they are still stuck in the disco age, where it was super-radical and totally tubular to wear shiny, sparkling discosuits. The Deluxe Starmen are master businessmen, while the Starman Juniors were just recently hired into the company. The Starman owning the Stone Hedge got rich by saving money on his car insurance by switching to Geico, which allowed him to purchase a very nice cave to call his own. He wanted to hollow out the cave and turn it into a disco parlor for Starmen, where they would throw weekly parties while taking over the business world to get their money and destroy the competition.

The Starmen didn't end up hollowing out the cave, as planned, but instead prepared a super-advanced disco room underground. After all, wouldn't an undergound party be super sweet? Their parties underground needed many ultra-flashing disco lights. They got some awesome purple carpet and wired it so that the edges would flash, with a sweet contrast with the black flooring. They figured it would be super cool, or "gnarly," as it was said back then, to have some sweet stone outcroppings to mark where the party was at. On the very bottom of the Stone Hedge, a sign states, "discotheque" in the Starman's foreign language, which is actually just French or something.

The businesstarmen's disco nightclub is invite-only, which is why they attack when Ness and his party go in-- they're party crashers! Starman Junior also only attacked Buzz Buzz at the beginning of the game because he was the president of the Starmen's rival business ten years in the future, who used evil plotting to convince Ness that he was chosen in order to bring down Starmen Enterprises once and for all, making Buzz Buzz the only proper salesman of propane and propane accessories, I tell you what.

- B.B. Gang Zombie


I think that guy is a robot :OOOOOOOOOO :

For some reason, there is a certain man who lingers around Stonehenge, all throughout the events of EarthBound. After making a slightly offensive remark about the intelligence of today’s youth, he will give Ness and his friends some interesting backstory on this ancient formation…

“These stones are making a pattern. It’s called Stonehenge. UFO’s often visit here… Yes, THAT Stonehenge.”

Interesting, right? Well, it seems to be that Stonehenge is quite the hotspot for otherworldly visitors, including Giygas’ army. But this mysterious man also implies that aliens have visited Stonehenge in the past, as well. In world history, the age of the pyramids are also dated at around the same time as the creation of Stonehenge (3000-2000 B.C.). Therefore, I consider it safe to theorize that there is some sort of connection between Stonehenge and the Scaraba legend:

What if the Stonehenge base was created by the alien invaders to serve as a temporary control center during their war with the Scarabians? This would support the idea that these ancient interlopers were indeed of a very advanced race, such as Giygas’ or the Starmen’s, and that during the events of EarthBound they were simply getting their old station back online after all these years. The actual formation of Stonehenge itself could very well have been created by the Cave Boys, even longer before Giygas’ race first reached Earth. Since it stands out so conspicuously, it would make sense that the aliens would choose to place their main headquarters there. This also explains why Giygas’ highest concentration (and most highly ranked) of soldiers on Earth is situated in the Winters area.

- AmateurGamer


Snatch em up them put them back:

Giegue's race presumably had been abducting species from Earth and who knows where for many years. The Stonehenge base, which is below Stonehenge, was probably there for quit some time. The Cave Boys that inhabit the area look like prehistoric humans, so they might have been living in that area since then as well. The Stonehenge base was much too high tech to have been built by humans. It couldn't have been Andonuts who was studying it himself, or Apple Boy who is too young and lacking in supplies to have done so. Perhaps the Stonehenge base was built "just in case" by Giegue's race, for use on Earth. This race of aliens has been on Earth before, abducting people such as George and Maria, and they are the only ones who have such technology. The base also had test tubes to capture many species, as it had Mr.Saturns and humans. Giegue's race built this to capture subjects and experiment on them, in secrecy, while they were still on the planet. This allowed for the subjects to be returned more quickly than if they were on the space ship, and allowed for quicker retrieval of new life forms. The base was built with defensive capabilities and maze like structure to ward off intruders. Thus, in conclusion, the Stonehenge base is a product of the Alien race's engineering.

- PKSkyler


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