Picky and Porky both enjoy watching Mailbag every week. They've even sent in submissions of their own! However, while Picky's submissions are some of vid and Tofu's favorites, Porky's submissions haven't even shown up in a single episode! Looking over the facts, it's not hard to see why:

(SHORT VERSION: Keep your submissions brief, readable, polite, and appropriate! Enjoy yourself!)

• Picky asks interesting questions about starmen.net and its history.
  Porky asks weird personal questions about Tofu and vid.



• Picky keeps his Mailbag submissions suitable for the whole family to read, and avoids swearing.
  Porky said so many nasty things in his Mailbag submissions, our Guts went down by 4.



• Picky enjoys writing original submissions, so he sometimes checks previous Mailbag episodes to make sure his new submission isn't too similar to any previous ones.
  Porky is having trouble beating Titanic Ant, and has mistaken Mailbag for the Nintendo Gameplay Counselor hotline.



• Picky knows that there's only so many submissions that can be posted per week, and that if his submission doesn't show up in this week's update, it will probably show up on next week's... or even the week after, depending on how many are in the queue.
  Porky gets angry when his Mailbag submission doesn't show up on the front page the very following update, and spams the staff with e-mails demanding to know why his submission wasn't accepted.



• Picky sometimes sends Mailbag submissions through Twitter. When he does, he mentions @smnetmailbag to ensure the message is received properly.
  Porky tweets Mailbag submissions to starmen.net's main Twitter account (@starmennet), vid and Tofu's personal Twitter accounts, and (for some reason) @GeorgeTakei. Oh my.



• Before sending in his submissions, Picky makes sure that everything is easy to read, grammatically sound, and spelled correctly.
  Prokyy thiks thta splell chEk is sumthin u dO in finail fanasy>>>>



• Picky's Mailbag submissions all stick to appropriate topics: the MOTHER series, the main website, the community, etc.
  Porky wants everybody watching Mailbag to know that he can ride his bike with no handlebars.



• Picky knows that Tofu and vid try to keep Mailbag videos at a reasonable length, so he tries to keep his Mailbag submissions brief, and doesn't mind if they're trimmed down a bit in the update. He's sent a few longer submissions that didn't make it before, but he decided to submit them to Articles instead.
  Porky once sent us a Mailbag submission that rivaled The Hound of the Baskervilles in length. Then he sent us The Hound of the Baskervilles.



• Though he's made a few good-natured jokes at their expense, Picky remains respectful of vid, Tofu, and other starmen.net staffers in his Mailbag submissions.
  Porky spams Mailbag with brazen personal insults and death threats. ...And a few pick-up lines.



• Sometimes, Picky likes to send joke responses to the weekly prompt. They're actually pretty funny! (And when they're not, we pretend they are.)
  Porky's last “joke” submission to Mailbag was “I'M FIRIN MY LAZ0R LOL spankety spankety spankety :DDDD[...]DDD”



• Picky once submitted a fan theory to Mailbag, but was politely told that theories should be submitted to the Theories section of the website. He was a bit embarrassed by his mistake, but he happily sent it to Theories the next day.
  Porky continues to submit his fan theories to Mailbag, even when he's been told not to do so repeatedly. Most of his theories tend to involve “the mole-man conspiracy”. We're not sure what that means.



• Picky provides thoughtful, interesting and fun submissions that help keep Mailbag fun to watch.
  Porky joined forces with a Universal Cosmic Destroyer, traveled in time, and became a megalomaniacal dictator. What a jerk!

If you have any questions about Mailbag submissions that we haven't covered here, shoot a private message to one of our hosts (Strawberry Tofu or vid) on the forums, or send a direct message to @smnetmailbag on Twitter!