The topic for this week's Mailbag was:

Mailbag's Back! - And it only took me something like a year or so! Send me mail and we'll do a grab bag. Maybe with a co-responder! Maybe with archives! WHO KNOWS

Well, it's back, anyway. Maybe co-responders and archives next week.

Woohoo it is back! I missed going to the library to read the responses to my letters back in the day. Who was it that answered all mine...AFTACC I think...

Whatever it doesn't matter. I'm watching some documentary about Gregg Valentino so I'll make this quick-Welcome back M=MailBag with all of its w00tness

Hey its that Mach Pizza Delivery guy :)

- jeffmaxwell

You're probably remembering TAFKACC. AFTACC was a short-lived trade agreement between Alabama and Florida. (The "Alabama-Florida Trade Agreement brought to you by Coca-Cola." Turns out people really do want a separation of Coke and state.)

--- SimonBob

Man, I was trying to speed through EarthBound in one sitting the other day and I got to the Giant Step dungeon and was engaged with a couple black antoids. I didn't know PSI Rockin yet since I was trying to play through so fast and they kept calling for help. When it got up to "Black Antoid F" I thought for sure I was screwed and then remembered the "Run Away" option and everything was A-Okay!

So bite me, fishsticks.

- Leeman

No no no, Fishsticks is over there, trying to stop the EBDB from saying the Kraken gives away Gutsy Bats. I wonder why Mr. Batty doesn't give away a bat? That'd be a little more appropriate. Where a giant metal sea beast learned about baseball, I'll never know.

--- SimonBob

Hey mailbag! Let's have a topic about how awesome articles are, and yet nobody's sent me an article in two weeks. Let's?

ps make me a co-responder REMEMBER THE GAIDEN!

- LiarXAgerate

Nahhh, we don't need that topic; I already know what the problem is. You've fallen victim to the "Mooo Update Syndrome." See, Mooo used to wait until he'd received five articles before he updated. So if he didn't get five, he didn't update, and when he didn't update he didn't get any more articles. It's a vicious cycle. What happened to your series of articles on EB0? That looked promising.

--- SimonBob

Wow. I love the interweb. What happened to the IF? I can't believe you beated me on the LLR. :(

You suck. That's not fair. I wanna beat you at the LLR, it's gonna be you and me in the parking lot, mano-womano, baby girl. I'm going to take you down like a spongecake on a monday morning in the sun.

Word.

My Simon.

-Rockwell

Acronym guide for those not in the know: IF = Interactive Fiction, LLR = Low Level Run.

The other day, some GameFAQs reg was on our EB board, telling us how it was actually called a "challenge game" or something. Let me tell you something, kids. I actually did it, so I'll call it whatever I want.

Ahh, it feels good to be back in Mailbag Overlord mode! I'll bet this is how Stephen Colbert feels when he outmaneuvers a left-wing radio commentator.

--- SimonBob

What is the topic? I don't visit that site too much anymore so if I missed something I apologize. So Guns N' Roses long awaited album Chinese Democracy is really coming out, some demo songs have been leaked and they rock. What else I wish to speak of? The long awaited Mother 3 is coming out also. The only other long awaited thing we need is Duke Nukem Forever.

- Shatterstar

People are still "awaiting" Axl Rose and Duke Nukem? I mean, I'd be intrigued if they came out, but I'm really not expecting any groundbreaking or insightful material. I guess it'd be different if this was a 3D Realms fansite. All the letters would start with "DUR DUR DUR," for example.

--- SimonBob

Are you excited about Earthbound 2/Mother 3?

- micheal

I don't know. Are you excited about the very air you breathe? I am. The more I breathe, the more likely it is that I'm inhaling molecules or atoms or whatever that were once in the same room as a Mother 3 prototype. Or an old sock. Hmm, maybe I'll stop hyperventilating.

--- SimonBob

....

A long long time from now, in a universe far far away, all 'Zig' took off.

Somebody set us up the bomb, and all our base are belong to cats.

In my opinion, something similar happened with Mailbag.

- notalentjew

Hey hey hey! Don't go turning my Mailbag into Theoriesville! I might get afflicted with some kind of M2-staffer curse and disappear again.

--- SimonBob

Instead of staying on topic I just want to say thanks for being back...Admit it,Simonbob...you brought it back just because of me...you know you love me ^_^

- Zocky

Okay, time to let the secret out: I brought back Mailbag because Tomato was gonna fire me.

Actually, that's the only reason anything ever gets done around here. You ever wonder why PoeTrader does so much work? Because she's perpetually the next one on the layoff list. Really. It starts at letter 'P'. Tomato once froze a snake in place and used it to poison an entire smuggling ring just by hinting that job cuts were coming.

--- SimonBob

Whoo! Mailbag returns!

1. What made you remeber the existance of the bag o' mail?

2. How do you type with boxing gloves on your hands?

3. Doesn't the first part of the Giygas Battle have the best music in the game?

4. Who would win in a fight; Chtulu or Giygas?

5. Lavos or Giygas?

6. How much are you willing to bet M3 will have the Saturn Vally song in it somewhere?

- Salookanana

1. Oh, it was always there, mocking me.

2. Your question has already been answered by someone much funnier than you.

3. I dunno, I like the first part of the Dusty Dunes Desert music. And the shopping/Rent-A-Cop music. Darn you, BlueAntoid! I'll never be able to not think of it as the Rent-A-Cop music because of JonBound!

4. Giygas is the embodiment of evil. He'd probably unleash Chtulu.

5. See #4.

6. I never discuss business after dinner.

--- SimonBob

I wish Electroplankton and Mother 3 would get married and have a beautiful, acid tripping, baby plankton man. That would be good. Oh so very good, indeed.

- Blank

I don't usually see "beautiful" and "acid tripping" in the same sentence. You are a true wordsmith. Welcome aboard. The bar's over there.

--- SimonBob

I am very excited for this game! Truth is, I never played EB, but it looks very fun. In fact, I would've imported Mother 1+2 if I knew Japanease. If Mother 3 isn't announced for NA release by June 3, I'm going to E-mail Nintendo about a "Problem" with my Mother 3 game, that everything is in Japanease, and they should fix it. (Insert evil face here)

- Manato

Inasmuch as I've been helping to discourage people from writing stupid letters to Nintendo, I have to admit that that's actually a clever idea. What I like best about it is the built in time-sensitive component! Now if only we could convince everyone else to hold up the letter-writing for a few months...

--- SimonBob

See, now I had something to write to you about, but now I can't remember it at all.

So let's just pretend this is a rather profound article or something?

- Foppy King

Sure, and then let's pretend you sent it to Liar and he updated with it, saving me from having to answer his letter about how he never gets Articles any more.

Oops! Too late!

--- SimonBob

Hmmm. I'm guessing the new game is going to center around collecting melodies. Or at least that theme that the website explicitly said was the main theme of the game. I was really afraid of the music in the game being composed by Brownie Brown... frankly, their remixes aren't that great at all. My heart jumped for a second when I realized it was going to be Brownie Brown and Tinny Speaker Action.* But then someone else told me that HAL was actually doing the music and then I was happy because HAL did the music last time and it was pretty good and I guess the Final Fantasy Adventure thing was all in my mind. I'm still afraid of finding a Chocobo hidden in the Mother 3 debug menu in many years, though...

The sprites are pretty cool. I could do better. You know, everybody looks bigger... and more "isometric". Also Flint the Cowboy isn't the game (as far as I know). The prospector thing in EBART is true. Very. I like the dog. I don't think it's a stretch to say that you can't control him and he stays with you the entire game and he levels up too. Or maybe it is. Anyway, M3 looks radically different from the other games, so most generic predictions will probably be wrong... but I'm going to make some guesses. Also before that I want to say that yellow-boy is pretty awesome. He's an appreciated deviation from the standard EB Formula. I'm going to make a new paragraph anyway.

The sprites seem to follow a standard formula: (1): Edited Ness sprite. This is funny. The new main character I have to admit was kind of unimpressive... they didn't even make a new style or anything... but I guess it's okay. (2): Big-headed people. A lot of people in this game have really big heads. It's funny. They look cool and I like it a lot. (3): ???: A lot of people have this new style that I like. I like it. Because I just said I did. And anyway it looks cool like that bearded guy in the Dalaam ripoff. How is this new style going to work? I see that some NPCs (?) have 8-directional turning... definite cool.

Now, time for some character guesses. The main character will be named Gab. I mean, he even looks like a Gab. One of his Don't Care names will be Ness. Hehheheh. Also, he will use a bat and have some sort of psychic force/magic ability. I predict he'll have more stat-power magic like shields than in the last game, and he'll be a little more balanced heal/attack-wise. Also, I don't think he'll be the strongest overpowered bash bash character, but he might get really strong at the end of the game.

That girl... I dunno. I want to say her name is Linda. I don't know why. It's just obscure enough to work. I want to say she'll probably use some sort of offensive psychic powers or abilities or something, but she actually might be the "Jeff" of the group. She looks pretty interesting as far as heroes go, and I can definitely imagine her being a scientist of some sort. But as I said before, this game's radically different... she might be obscure compared to the other games. For some reason I imagine her using a pen as a weapon.

That man... I still don't know. He looks like an interesting and funny character. I mean, his starting scenario (or one by himself) involves him around ghosts. I'm guessing he's either really afraid of things or not afraid of ghosts but afraid of everything else. That would be funny. Anyway, those ghosts are awesome... just looking at them makes me smile. I wonder what kind of cool text they'll have...? Also, the dude will probably either be the "Jeff" or something. Or maybe not... I think it would be fun to make a new character with obscure PSI/abilities. That would be rad.

The dog I already predicted. Go home.

Maybe the dude is a super-saiyjan Ness. And I'm guessing next week the topic is Mother 3. It's a no-brainer. As Itoi said, "have fun imagining all sorts of things!"

*Tinny Speaker Action Copyright 2000-2006 Nintendo. All rights reserved, except for that one on the left. The brown one. That one's mine, hear me?

- Radiation

Yeah, the first thing that caught my eye in the screenshots was the eight-directional NPCs in the park. That should enhance the lifelike quality of the game.

So, you're predicting that this time around, the world will be saved by a secretary? All I can say is that the ghost scene reminded me of Disney World's Haunted Mansion ride. One can only hope that there will be doom buggies.

--- SimonBob

So, umm...I'm a really big fan of Earthbound. One of the best games ever MADE, period. Every single thing about the game is perfect. And I know this sounds like a really stupid question, but is there any chance in hell Nintendo's going to release this here? Earthbound was a great game, and I always hoped they'd make a big series out of this game, because I can't get enough of the game. After Mother 3, do you think they'll make a series out of Mother? Just out of curiosity. Thank you for you time

- Steven Smith

There are no stupid questions, only stupid rabbits. Stupid rabbits! Always hoppin' around and eatin' grass and diggin' up Farmer Brown's crops.

I sure do hope they bring Mother 3 over, and Mother 1 for that matter (in an "official" capacity, of course.) I'm kind of hoping there'll be things in M3 that refer back to the first two games; that'll tip Nintendo's hand and force them to bring out M1 for sure! But since we have no clue what the plot of the game will be, we'll just have to wait and see. Waaait and seeeee.

--- SimonBob