In which we see who's number 1.

What's the occupation of the only "Miss" described as such in the game? (I'm looking for what she does and the business/government she does that for.). Manager of the Topolla Theatre - it's Miss Fake.
What's the first "only one of its kind in the game" equippable item you can acquire that can be sold? The Mr. baseball cap's the only one of its kind, but you can sell it.
What does one of the Deep Darkness Tendas decry after Ness receives the Tendakraut from the chief of the DD Tenda village? The fact that, the other Tenda having lost their shyness, he's lost what's made him unique.
Who is the first boss that begins the fight with exactly one cohort aiding him/her, if such a boss exists? (If such a boss exists.) Giygas.
Where is the first place that Paula's prayer reaches? Saturn Valley.

Nobody was number 1.

More HARD questions.

What's the HARDest (in terms of chewing it) item that can replenish PP but not HP? (Hint: look at the letter of the law [of this question].). There's only one item in the game that replenishes PP as per its Help! dialogue - the PSI caramel. Everything else restores, or something else.
What topical, equippable item might one of the Montague brothers be wearing? Er, the Hard hat? (Heck, I asked a loosely similar question the last time we did HARD Trivia.)
What stat-affecting consumable item is probably the HARDest (see question 1 again for the sense of "HARD") such item? The Rock candy.
Consider all the enemies in Onett that 1) are never fought in a boss battle, and 2) you can fight before fighting Captain Strong. Of these enemies, which is never the HARDest enemy when you compare any of the two to each other? With the first restriction, I intended to eliminate the Black Antoid, because there are arguments that it's possibly as soft as the Attack Slug is.
Who's the HARDest character to join your party? (Do I hear a "gimmegimmegimme" from the audience?) Dungeon Man. Characters who are diamondised don't join your party, because they already have.

Cap'n Muffin (Jack), CodPor, EB Master, Hiro, Ninten1, Rabid Dog, Sorry not telling; PsychoMax, ParodyKnaveBob, SerialPsychosis and Diana won.

The dam has been breached! Warning!

What's the first boss that fights you in the water? The Kraken fights you in the water. (Yes, you fight it in a boat, but the question wasn't the first boss you fight in the water.)
Averaging what each item costs over their PP recovery for the three PSI users, what's the better deal as far as Bottles of Water are concerned? The better deal is the Bottle of water. They're both equally good for Ness and Paula, but Poo only gets four times as much recovery on the DX bottle, which costs much more than four times the regular Bottle.
What's the first enemy you fight that attacks you with water, liquid or otherwise? It's a boss! It's a plane! It's Starman Junior, who uses PSI Freeze! (Ice is solid water.)
What's more common as the effect of consumable items that are significantly water-based: HP recovery or PP recovery? (Remember: if you Use, say, a Molokheiya soup, the verb used is not "ate".) HP recovery. You've only got the two Bottles of water for PP recovery, while the Popsicle, Can of fruit juice and Royal iced tea push HP recovery ahead.
What are the two "kinds" (sic) of water named in the equippable items that reduce damage taken from PSI Freeze? Sea water and rain water.

Hiro, Lord Bob Bree and Mentally Abstract got all five questions right.

Dusty dusty dusty!

The names of which two Dusty Dunes-area enemies suggest most strongly that those enemies are "dry"? Desert Wolf, Skelpion, and Thirsty Coil Snake.
What non-enemy (exposed) bones are most common in Dusty Dunes? (By exposed bones, I mean skeletons without skin.). Some sort of bovine skeletons.
Generically speaking, what's the largest kind of exposed bones found in the game? Dinosaur bones in the museums.
What's the dry substance that some enemies you can fight/avoid fighting before you proceed onto the Dusty Dunes Desert return to when you defeat them? The enemies are Zombies; the substance is the dust of the earth.
What's the most common living beast of burden in the game's deserts? The camel, as the Bad Buffalo isn't exactly a beast of burden.

Rose Friday, Hiro, WolFox, Culix, Mentally Abstract and cannotthink won.

"omg best theme ever"

One True Pairing - What boss which do not transform could be considered the "one true pairing" in the game? (Using "OTP" tongue-in-cheek.) I'm honestly surprised nobody at all commented on how I went from a singular noun (boss) to a third-person-plural verb agreement (do). It's Thunder and Storm.
Actual Fandom - which two female characters probably already have fans? Venus, of course, already has groupies. Paula has kids who want to be just like her in the preschool, and is plagued by paparazzi.
Retcon (rough definition: to change previously established continuity) - Which character (he joins your party but you don't control him) has the almost singular goal of retconning the past? Well, there are only two characters who join you who have goals involving something intangible like history. Buzz Buzz is the one of the two who wants to retcon the past (so Giygas doesn't win).
Gackt Syndrome - Where can you find a character suffering from gender ambiguity? There's the creepy person who wonders "Am I a man?" in Moonside and the "I'm a woman. Did you think I was a man?" Tenda in the Deep Darkness Tenda village. I'm not counting Everdred because I'd then have to also count the Cop (referred to as an "it" if you encounter it with a Runaway Dog) and, though I can't be bothered to check it just yet, probably the Tough Guy and Over Zealous Cop as well.
Deus ex machina (roughly: get out of trouble free card) - Which characters serve as the deus ex machina that ends the one boss battle in the game in which non-controllable characters aid you and all the characters who aid you were never members of your party ("member of your party" meaning that text like "X has joined you" appeared as text at one point in the game)?
(Hint: there are only a few boss battles in which you're aided by somebody who isn't a member of your party at the beginning of the battle.) The Runaway Five (against the Clumsy Robot). As I said, there are only a few such battles: the Clumsy Robot, the Kraken (so the boat captain claims), Master Barf, and Giygas. The boat captain's slippers don't end the battle, the returning Poo is the deus ex machina against Barf, and Tony and King pray for you when you're fighting Giygas.

PikaChan, Culix, Cyan683, darkgreen_orange, Dragonfire, Fourside Resident, Moochie, Ranger, Ravenshaw, Toomanypenguins, ShivnDragon and Wasuremono won.

I was wondering if you could please loosen your grip on the mass-produced brand of waffle that belongs to me.

Where can you find the only proper, multiple-residents jail in the game? (City's fine, building preferred.) Onett.
What two living species are held against their will over the course of the game? Humans and Mr. Saturn. Zombies aren't alive.
What are two PSI families (see "Things to watch out for", above) that can induce a status effect that renders the affected character immobile in one way or another (i.e., prevents you from assigning some action to that character), but does not prevent you from assigning any action to the affected character until the status is removed? The only such statuses are Paralysis, Solidification (which only lasts to the end of the round) and lack-of-Concentration. Lack of concentration cannot be induced by PSI, so the only answers are Paralysis, Freeze and Flash.
Who's the only member of the Chosen Four who, over the course of the game, was never noticeably familiar with some other character held against their will - before that other character was held against their will? Poo. Ness and Paula were familiar with each other before they were put in the dungeon under the graveyard; Jeff meets Paula when he rescues them.
What's the smallest 'bail', so to speak, that is initially required to release some characters from being held against their will at one point in the game? (Hint: you don't get a 99%-plus reduction in the 'bail' for this one.) $10,000. It's the cost of the Runaway Five's contract at the Chaos.

EB Player Super, ParodyKnaveBob, Rose Friday, Ravenshaw, KingDarian and CodPor won.

This week has been brought to you by Mojo Jojo and various olden-time anime dubs that didn't bother to re-sync lip movements.

What's the name of the first Your Sanctuary that's referred to as "the (name)" in some in-game text? The Giant Step. "That's referred to as..." was redundant.
What's the only nominally large item that affects more than one ally when it's used? The Large pizza.
Who's the only clearly female PSI user (whether ally or enemy) who can use different PSI that are classed as each of "Attack", "Recover" and "Assist"? Paula.
What tag-along character (such as it is) has a name that is redundant, but is not an onomatopoeia (a word formed to imitate the sound it describes)? (i.e., Buzz Buzz is not the answer.) The Tiny Li'l Ghost.
What's the key-item invention with a disgustingly long full name (e.g. "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" versus "Rhode Island") such that the full name is so redundant that you could trim the full name down to the first four words and it would be just as appropriate a name? (Hint: if you trimmed the full name, you'd have to change the name it has as an item.) You're looking for the "Machine that Opens Doors, Especially When You Have a Slightly Bad Key". The Bad key machine, to wit.

CodPor, SolidNess(Josh) and Midna won.

Did you know that "Connect Four" can be fully solved? It can. Can "Connect Five" be fully solved? Let's see!

What's the connection that one particular boy in a hockey mask has to a member of our four heroes? There's the one guy who's a member of Ness' club; another kidnapped Paula.
In EarthBound, what business with a specific name is owned by a married man? There's Hassan's Shop ($ dollars accepted) in Scaraba, who implies he's married by referring to the fact he has a family to feed; there's also Escargo Express, which closes down after the owner's wife goes on maternity leave.
Of the "numbered" Teleport locations (a Teleport location being some place that can be selected when you use PSI Teleport), what are the only ones adjacent to as many other population centres that are teleport locations as the number mentioned in their name? (Using my usual definition of adjacent: can be walked to, without using Teleport, and without walking through some other population centre.) Keep in mind that there are only four (five in EarthBound) numbered Teleport locations. The only ones are Onett (adjacent to the teleport location Twoson) and Twoson (adjacent to Onett and Threed). Threed and Fourside are both adjacent to the population centre Dusty Dunes, which isn't a teleport location; meanwhile (and this holds only in EarthBound), either Tenda village is adjacent to no more than two other population centres, so they don't count either, even if they were only adjacent to Teleport locations.
Setting aside Giant Step for a second, of the seven remaining Sanctuaries, what are the only two connected such that collecting one's melody means you've already collected the other? If you're careful enough, you can get the Carrot key without collecting Magnet Hill's melody (it's difficult, but doable). But you can't get Fire Spring's melody without getting Lumine Hall's melody.
Name one of the two characters that you can first meet in Onett who are also connected to pretty much every event in the first, say, half of the game. Pokey is, of course, associated with everything except the events in Threed and Saturn Valley. Similarly, the Mani Mani Statue is connected to all the same events Pokey is. Lier X. Agerate is thus also connected to those events, but indirectly.

SimonBob won.

Boys, girls.

What gender occurs the least among those human healer-type characters who don't follow the usual RPG rules about healing and payment for healing? The usual RPG rule on healing and payment for healing is that you pay, you get healed. There are only three females who do this: Ness' mother, Paula's mother, and the mushroom-picking girl (who heals Mashroomisation). Comparatively, with men you have Paula's father, Frank, the man at Meagre Livin' Farm (after Carpainter's defeat), Brick Road, the various tents north of Lake Tess, the Montague brothers, and so on and so forth. And also the blue-haired healers when you've got a mushroom on your head.
You meet a randomly determined EarthBound character who happens to be a human character with an official name. Which gender is this character more likely to be: male or female? Men.
Immediately after visiting a Your Sanctuary and being healed there, Ness is being 'followed' by a character who is never implied/mentioned/stated/what-have-you-ed as being either male or female. Who is this character? (HINT: You will have one of the possible answers to this question 'following' you at least once, no matter how long you spend raising your characters' levels and no matter how careful you are.) It's either a Teddy bear or a Super plush bear. The Tiny Li'l Ghost gets disappeared by a Sanctuary, and no "active-in-battle" tag-along characters will be around during a fight for a Shining Spot, so they're out.
What's one of the two spousal events that a certain Happy Happy Villager gleefully announces to you? His wife came back; his wife left him again.
What amount of HP recovery is most common among items that can be purchased in Onett? 6 HP.

Fabricati won, but no one else.

I love me! Do you love you?

What "well-rounded", late-in-the-game enemy sounds like it's obsessed with itself? This'd be the Ego Orb.
When in the game does Ness use pronouns like "I", "me", "my" (etc.) to describe himself? (...Just play it name one.) Magicant and Lumine Hall; these are also the only places where he actually talks.
Of Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo, who's the last one to self-reference him/herself (use "I", "me", "my", etc.)? Ness is the last one to self-reference for the first time. Paula's the last one to self-reference overall during the partings when everyone's back in Saturn Valley.
Which invention, when used, promotes its creator most explicitly? (Hint: so not worth it.) This would be the Super/Great Orange Machine.
Is it ever explicitly said, in the game, who "wish[es] you luck..." at the end of the coffee scene in Saturn Valley? It's never explicitly said. Yes, the exact context is "I wish you luck...", but it's never said who I is. Am?

All in one breath: Black Fobby, MrAl, Archon Divinus, Dr. Baconman, BWTadpole, Firewater, Silky Malone, CactusWolf1983, CodPor, Culix, Psionic Brawler, The Dave, Lord Mani Mani, EB Player Super, Floogal, Mr Saturn Fan, Chatterb0x, Strawberry Tofu, Multiball, Gauntlet, haywutupyo, ShadowStarmen, Hlavco, JeffMan, Kahran042, Midna, K Rob, Libra, Zip Zipskins, Box_of_dragonite, MentallyAbstract, Rose Friday, MPHtails, DevilsMachine, ParodyKnaveBob, Jared, Ravenshaw, SimonBob, slicemasterflex, Blue_Monkey, thickfreakness and Wasuremono won.