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You Spent How Much?! - by SimonBob

You Spent How Much?!

I think I'm officially qualified to write a book on "How To Save The World On A Million Dollars." I've got living proof that I already did it in EB.


This was an undoctored pic taken after a save-state-only game, including several hours spent trying to get a Star Pendant. Let me tell you a little something about getting a Star Pendant: It's a 1/128 item that you have to get it from a Major Psychic Psycho, who fights you with either a Soul Consuming Flame or a Psychic Psycho. Psychic Psychos have a 1/32 chance of giving you a PSI Caramel, and SCFs have a 1/64 chance of giving you a Meteotite.

After 6 PSI Caramels and 3 Meteotites, I was at level 99 with all four characters. Needless to say, I breezed through Magicant once I finally got the Star Pendant.

But I digress. As I said, I used ZSnes save states exclusively, allowing me to never phone Ness's dad. That way, when I finally called him, I would see how much cash he'd sent to my account since the very beginning of the game. And as you can see from the pic above, it's a lot of cash. The only other 1/128 item I went for was the Sword of Kings, which for some reason also awarded me an inordinate number of Super Bombs. I was going to go for the Broken Antenna, but I've been through that one before and I was too lazy.

This discovery means a lot to the player who wishes to pay attention to details in EB. For one thing, at the beginning of the game, Aloysius Minch tells you "We�ve loaned your father a lot of money. It may have been a hundred thousand dollars or more... Well, I guess it really could have been less, but because of the loan, my family and I now live in poverty!" I think that if Aloysius can't count how many zeroes he puts on his checks, he doesn't deserve to keep his money.

Furthermore, we can now assume that a million bucks is enough to save the world in the EB universe. Now, many an issue has been raised concerning how a house costs only three times as much as a combat yo-yo. But now we can actually see that a hero with a million-dollar allowance could buy about 133 houses, or around 428 combat yo-yos. Or a lot of Piggy Jelly. And that's enough to supply a hundred Giygas-killing quests.

Now, assuming the average player spends about 35 hours playing EB, that puts Ness's hourly rate for saving the world at $30,666 and change. For $30,000 an hour, I would eat a bucket of mortar. Hopefully, steak knives would be provided.

But what about repaying the loan? That million bucks didn't appear out of nowhere. It came from the Minches. And I'm sure that Lardna would want some of it back, and with interest too. Paying back a loan that size would be like paying off a mortgage. You'd have to calculate interest and make monthly installments. If Aloysius weren't sucking back iced frappachinos in Fourside, he could be quite a rich man - even richer than if his wayward son had stuck around with Mr. Monotoli.

So the moral of my article today is "This is what happens when you go crazy trying to get the Star Pendant." Don't try this at home, I'm a professional.

Other Submissions by SimonBob

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