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Giegue's Master Plan - by SimonBob

Giegue's Master Plan

Debate Week Special:
SimonBob Strikes Back
Article Three of Six: Giegue's Master Plan, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Tubes

For those of you joining us from the probably moderately-large collective of people who haven't played all the way through Mother (or EB0, as I'll probably be referring to it), let me fill you in on a quick plot-related detail. There's this bad guy named Giegue, who presumably is an invader from another planet, and he kidnaps a bunch of people. Strangely enough, he only kidnaps them from one town, named Youngtown. Even more curiously, he only takes the adults and leaves behind the kids. Thus, when Ninten and co. get there, Youngtown really is a young town! What a coincidence!

Having revealed this information to you, I need only add that everyone dies at the end to completely ruin EB0 for you. Psych!

I kid. There's much more to EB0, like how you eventually do find the people of Youngtown in a cave on Mt. Itoi. They're trapped in tubes. A little further down the tunnel, you find Giegue, and when you beat him up (or not; you actually sing him to death, kinda like what I did to Captain Kangaroo or Zethguru or whatever his name is today) the people get to go home to their kids and laugh and sing and dance again. I'll bet you five bucks that inside of a week they're all complaining again. "You kids are always tracking mud into the house!" "Aww, mom, the show goes until 11!" And so on.

In fact, the people of Youngtown will be complaining so much that they'll forget an important detail: Giegue kidnapped them for some reason. Why? What would Giegue want with a bunch of ugly humans? Here's my studiously crafted opinionated factoid. Soon, this will go into the article section, where it will become truth and law for all time, until someone writes a better article. Giegue has under his command a massive army of Starmen, Mooks, Barbots, Blue Starmen, hideously-shaped female robots, really terribly powerful robots that you can't even beat without either a tank or a lanky female robot who isn't as terribly bad-looking as the ones under Giegue's command, and zoo animals. I'm thinking that these forces weren't entirely willing to go forth and do Giegue's bidding right away. I mean, would you want to be dragged off to some other planet to get whupped by some kids with boomerangs? So Giegue (or another alien of his race) probably used enslavement tactics to force these folks to do his bidding. And anyone who's willing to enlist slaves in the army is probably more than happy to give them brooms and make them sweep up. Remember, Giegue met George and Maria in the early 1900s, when there was a lot more domestic work to be done, and since it took 80 years for Giegue to start an offensive on the Earth(Bound) front, his home planet's society probably hasn't progressed much, if at all. So why not enslave some dumb, ugly humans and make 'em do the housework? Hey, I'm surprised he's not bringing back some pack mules too!

Now this bit is just conjecture, but what if Giegue hadn't been chatting with his pals back home? Maybe in the last 80 years, society has advanced on the alien planet, and slavery was abolished. Giegue could get home and end up in big trouble. Sounds like a good idea for a Fanfic, doesn't it? See, when you're thinking all the time like me, it's dead easy to hook up with 'fic ideas. If only I had time to write them all...

One last quibble remains: In EarthBound (or Mother 2) we see kidnapped humans in tubes too... but they're being drowned or something. Some sort of hideous, Nazi-like experiment/torture, perhaps? But there was no sign of anyone drowning in EB0. I have a feeling that the premise of the tubes was changed between the two games. So if you ever wake up in a tube, check to see if you're drowning or not. If you aren't, Giegue kidnapped you. If you are, Giygas kidnapped you.

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