Theory
When Ness first walked by that “Earthbound 2” office, he didn’t know what to think. Nearly everyone around had been talking about “Earthbound” on his journey. “I wonder when EARTHBOUND is coming out!” a full-grown woman had said to him in Onett. Others chanted about this game, and others complained.
After the vanquishing of Giygas and Porky, Ness took the initiative to go to the general store, which was fully stocked of “Earthbound” copies. Ness put the cartridge in his SNES. “This better be good,” said Ness. And, much to Ness’s shock, the game was an EXACT REPLICA of his journey! Except now it had mumble-jumble like “Crashing Boom Bang Attack” and “Experience Points”.
“What the…?” Ness exclaimed. Then he realized- that “Earthbound 2” office must have been responsible for this!
Ness couldn’t copyright his own life adventures, but he sure could complain about it. After eating up on some steak, Ness marched down to the office.
Ness slammed the doors open. He gasped.
Sitting at the table was Dr. Andonuts, Apple Kid, and the Slot Machine Brothers. Apple Kid chewed on a pen while everyone else stared at Ness.
“Excuse me?!?” Porky screamed unhappily.
“So, I suppose we do meet again!” Ness shouted back.
An unknown man walked up behind Ness. “Take a seat!” he shouted. He pushed Ness into a chair swiftly.
“Meeting begins now,” the unknown man said. “Today we will discuss Earthbound 2 and our plot involving it!” He pulled a rope, and a curtain parted, revealing an old miniature refrigerator with calculator parts glued to it.
“Ness, we used this machine to capture reality and turn it into a game.”
Ness’s jaw hit the ground.
“And now…” he pulled another rope and a platform lowered, revealing a calculator with refrigerator parts glued to it. “…This can capture a game’s event and make it become reality.”
“Now, we could be careless, and make Pac-man a reality, and watch Onett be eaten while listening to buzzes and whistles. But, instead, we’re going to make our own game…” He cackled.
“We’ve captured some characters to put in this game. Now, Ness, we want to audition for Lucas’s father, Flint!”
Ness gasped! “Never! I won’t take part in this!”
“Then, when the game is released, you will suffer from tons of fan mail, sent directly to your home! Every letter will ask whether or not you are FLINT… or Alec, or Lucas, or Duster.”
Ness didn’t know any of this people, but he sensed the painful pulse of fan theories searing through his mind.
“With this new game, we’ll mention the destruction of Onett in it. After making it a reality, we’ll have the pleasure of watching Onett and the rest of Eagleland burn to the ground!”
Ness leaped up to the calculator-refrigerator machine. “So, I’m Flint, right?”
“Um… yes!”
Ness grinned. “Then that also mean that I’m Chuck Norris, according to other fan theories. Therefore, I can divide by zero…” Ness punched in 8/0 on the calculator.
All that we know that happened after this is that Ness walked home, and the office was destroyed. As for Earthbound 2, we don’t know what happened to that…
When Ness first walked by that “Earthbound 2” office, he didn’t know what to think. Nearly everyone around had been talking about “Earthbound” on his journey. “I wonder when EARTHBOUND is coming out!” a full-grown woman had said to him in Onett. Others chanted about this game, and others complained.
After the vanquishing of Giygas and Porky, Ness took the initiative to go to the general store, which was fully stocked of “Earthbound” copies. Ness put the cartridge in his SNES. “This better be good,” said Ness. And, much to Ness’s shock, the game was an EXACT REPLICA of his journey! Except now it had mumble-jumble like “Crashing Boom Bang Attack” and “Experience Points”.
“What the…?” Ness exclaimed. Then he realized- that “Earthbound 2” office must have been responsible for this!
Ness couldn’t copyright his own life adventures, but he sure could complain about it. After eating up on some steak, Ness marched down to the office.
Ness slammed the doors open. He gasped.
Sitting at the table was Dr. Andonuts, Apple Kid, and the Slot Machine Brothers. Apple Kid chewed on a pen while everyone else stared at Ness.
“Excuse me?!?” Porky screamed unhappily.
“So, I suppose we do meet again!” Ness shouted back.
An unknown man walked up behind Ness. “Take a seat!” he shouted. He pushed Ness into a chair swiftly.
“Meeting begins now,” the unknown man said. “Today we will discuss Earthbound 2 and our plot involving it!” He pulled a rope, and a curtain parted, revealing an old miniature refrigerator with calculator parts glued to it.
“Ness, we used this machine to capture reality and turn it into a game.”
Ness’s jaw hit the ground.
“And now…” he pulled another rope and a platform lowered, revealing a calculator with refrigerator parts glued to it. “…This can capture a game’s event and make it become reality.”
“Now, we could be careless, and make Pac-man a reality, and watch Onett be eaten while listening to buzzes and whistles. But, instead, we’re going to make our own game…” He cackled.
“We’ve captured some characters to put in this game. Now, Ness, we want to audition for Lucas’s father, Flint!”
Ness gasped! “Never! I won’t take part in this!”
“Then, when the game is released, you will suffer from tons of fan mail, sent directly to your home! Every letter will ask whether or not you are FLINT… or Alec, or Lucas, or Duster.”
Ness didn’t know any of this people, but he sensed the painful pulse of fan theories searing through his mind.
“With this new game, we’ll mention the destruction of Onett in it. After making it a reality, we’ll have the pleasure of watching Onett and the rest of Eagleland burn to the ground!”
Ness leaped up to the calculator-refrigerator machine. “So, I’m Flint, right?”
“Um… yes!”
Ness grinned. “Then that also mean that I’m Chuck Norris, according to other fan theories. Therefore, I can divide by zero…” Ness punched in 8/0 on the calculator.
All that we know that happened after this is that Ness walked home, and the office was destroyed. As for Earthbound 2, we don’t know what happened to that…
