Theories topic for the week of April 4 - April 11, 2012:

The Runaway Five are Eagleland's premier Blues band, and boy do they have quite the sound! But how did they meet?

Theory of the Week:

Ness turned on the television set and prepared for the highly-anticipated interview with the Runaway Five on the local news.

“Hello, I’m Rob E. Squash, the reporter for the local Twoson news. In today’s interview, we are going to meet the highly popular band, the Runaway Five! Good to meet you, Lucky.”

“Nice to meet you too, Rob. What questions do you have for us today?”

“Well, there’s one question I’m itching to ask. If there’s six people in your band, why did you name yourselves the Runaway Five? Was it a translation error?”

“Please don’t break the fourth wall again, and no, we have a good reason for naming ourselves the Runaway Five, but the only way it will make sense is if we start at the beginning. Do we have time?” “I think so, Lucky.”

Lucky took a deep breath of air and began.

It all started in a grocery store. Lucky had made sure that no one was looking when he walked into the applesauce isle. There was a prejudice against “applesauce-eaters” in this area. After tiptoeing to a small plastic container, he grabbed it an ran, only to knock into a somewhat burly man and fall to the ground. They were both shocked.

“Sir, what are you doin’ with applesauce in a town like this?” said the burly man.

“Uh, huh, I was, um, going to the bathroom.” Lucky clumsily responded.

“Bull. You’ve got applesauce in yo’ hand. And the bathroom is the OTHER way.”

Lucky began sweating in fear, then replied fiercely: “Then why are YOU in this isle- in a town like this,” said Lucky, imitating the burly man’s deep voice.

“You got me. Truth is, I love applesauce. But everyone else eats carrot sticks and can’t seem to respect people like us.” He made a funny face. “Their farts smell like rotten carrots.”

It dawned on Lucky that this man was less mature than he looked. “Tell you what. Let’s get our applesauce no matter what anyone says, and hatch a plan on how to end this prejudice once and for all.”

“Good plan. Nice to meet ya, my name’s Gorgeous.” They shook hands, and bought their applesauce (the cashier scoffed at them).

On the way home, the two learned more things in common between them other than their love of applesauce. They both had an unusual talent for singing. Their voices alone sounded horrible, but together they were magnificent. Suddenly, a horrible sight appeared. It was a street musician, playing a keyboard. Apparently he had been caught eating applesauce; a mob of people were spitting on him and throwing stuff. They all had low HP so Lucky and Gorgeous chased them off easily. They helped the musician up. “Join us. We’re fighting for respect for applesauce eaters.” The street musician whistled, and three of his buddies showed up! “We’ll create a band a play for awareness.” The next day, the group was in the park square, playing for awareness, when someone in the audience threw a Running Bomb onto the stage! It nearly defeated Lucky! “That’s it, let’s just leave this town and go somewhere else!”

“But I can’t run that fast!” yelled Gorgeous, but the other five members were already long gone. “So that’s why you called yourselves the Runaway Five? Because Gorgeous didn't run away?” exclaimed Rob E. Squash. “Whatever happened to Gorgeous?”

“He knew PSI and just teleported to Twoson, where the rest of us went.”

“You’re making this game sound like cheap fanfiction!”

Ness turned off the television set, had some steak, and went to bed.

- Ostricho

They called him Small Change Saxamaphone:

Well, the main two singers in the Runaway Five knew each other back in school. They were childhood friends and even dropped out of school together to start a blues band. The drummer was a friend of Lucky’s cousin. Lucky’s cousin said that he happened to know a guy with a van for sale. The bass player was a guy that the drummer knew, though it turned out that the drummer didn’t actually know the guy he brought. The bass player turned out to be pretty good, so they kept him. And the saxophonist was literally picked up off a street corner where he was playing for small change.

Contrary to popular belief, the keyboardist isn’t actually a member, but rather a local from Twoson who happened to work at the theater. He provided backup, but was never included in the infamous phony contract scandal.

- Rabid Dog

The Sound of Hawks:

From a seemingly reliable source, the most popular musical sensation in Eagleland, The Runaway Five, had their humble beginnings as regular cafe performers. Then known as The Music of Eagles, the band wanted to go farther in their career. The band's lead singer, Lucky by name, manged to find and affordable van that soon become the band's main means of transportation. While traveling, they managed to find work at a theater in Twoson, where, after being conned into a contract they could never get out of, they became a permanent performance. After being permitted to leave, by which the means was from a generous donation from a young boy named Ness, the band continued their tour, passing through Threed and making their way to the big city of Fourside. But once again they found themselves conned into yet another contract. This however, was short-lived due to yet another generous donation from Ness, in the form of a big, shiny diamond. How he came to possess such a treasure is difficult for even our sources to say. The band, as far as we know is still continuing their tour.

- Joker89

Runaway Kart: Double Dashing!!:

Gorgeous and Lucky, the leader members of the Runaway Five, weren’t just buds; they were brothers! This explains why they were known as the “Tonzura Brothers” in Mother 2. In fact, these two brothers are actually famous for being more than simple show performers. We were given a clue supporting this when Gorgeous and Gorgeous dropped in and effortlessly took out the robot outside Monotoli’s office, like true champions. That’s right; behind those fabulous stage names are the two of Nintendo’s greatest heroes, Mario and Luigi!

Sure, everyone could have probably figured that one out already, judging by the red and green suits. But here’s something you probably haven’t noticed...

You may remember the Runaway Five being kind enough to give Ness and his friends rides to Threed during the events of EarthBound. But, look closely at how the bus is driven, especially on the second bus ride back from Fourside. Yes, notice how Gorgeous effortlessly maneuvers the bus, making instant turns and running people and animals over, without a second thought. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me like there is a serious Super Mario Kart reference going on. We all know that no one else can drive an auto vehicle like Mario can without being him in disguise. That’s all the proof you need!


A student film by BB Gang Zombie:

Trouble brewed on the streets-- was it corruption? Greed? Or even something more... heinous? People call me 'Nice...' but was I really that nice? I hear finger snapping in the background, a stereotypical effect put into play during expositional backstories during crime and detective films... My eyes see only corrupted streets, paved with golden oppurtunity... Was it really worth the risk?

... ... ... ...


It's a tough world we live in, but you have to do what needs to be done. Sometimes, it's not always about being Nice, or Lucky, or Gorgeous... For weeks, I had been on the streets, with its gang wars, crime outbreaks, robberies... But, would I really stoop to their level? Even a 'nice' guy like me can be turned bad, if fate allows...

So, I find myself in the streets, walking in no particular direction-- I have no destination. In one way, I'm glad at the horrible crime I had done. The nice guy reputation I had built up had been shattered in mere moments. How did it come to this? I ask myself these questions all the time. Fame, riches... They are just material possessions in a world where you own nothing. The world just takes and takes until you cannot take anymore. And so, I walk.

My legs are beginning to grow heavy. I don't know where I'm going. The sun in the horizon only sinking deeper and deeper. I can't go into the hotel to sleep, and I can't go home... I'm trapped. My face is probably on every news station for miles after what I've done... So, hiding under a makeshift umbrella to forget the stereotypical rain in the background, I will sleep what may be my last night alive. I didn't know anymore who I was... Was I still lucky? Was I still nice? Was I still gorgeous? It feels like the longest night of my life.

Waking up, I begin my journey again. I walk... and I walk... and I walk. Suddenly, a voice in the background.

"Wanna be in a band!?"


the end

- BB Gang Zombie

Some of the better band names...:

The band was started by childhood friends Lucky and Gorgeous during the 1960s. Originally called “Blues Brothers”, then “New Blues Brothers” to distinguish themselves from the existing group of the same name, they settled on the name “Davis and the Banners”, finding success with their ska/hiphop single, “We’re Always in Debt”.

They changed their name again to “Runaway Five” and enjoyed limited success with a rock single, “I Have No Arms”. The group later added a bassist, a drummer, a saxophonist, and a series of keyboardists, each of whom mysteriously dies under odd circumstances. Their latest keyboardist was found in a beach condo without walls. They begin a tour in towns of Eagleland.

As the tour begin, concert appearances were repeatedly canceled due to low ticket sales. To rekindle interest, Lucky suggested staging a performance in Twoson, where he signed a contract without reading the fine print. The rest is history

- qpringle1



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