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The Jaded Gamer: Summer Loving - by MikeTheEBGuru

The Jaded Gamer: Summer Loving

Miketastic Debate Week Debacle: Article Two

Summer lovin'. Travolta and Newton John can stay home; this duet is strictly between the game and myself. Sure a little Funtastic Gameplay can be fun, but the Summer also marks a perfect opportunity to get you aquainted with EarthBound all over again. No, this isn't another plea for you folks to play the game more this Summer. This is a plea for something a bit more quirky; a bit more zany. That's right, my brethren, I bring new malicious ramblings!

RPGeez, games like EarthBound are tough to reenact, but it's not impossible. In the game, we see young Ness is able to dispatch a dinosaur with a baseball bat. Bruce Almighty, Kiefer Sutherland, and Barbara Walters couldn't pull any of that off, and with my help, you'll see just how daunting a task Ness and company had. All you need is: A projected two or three friends, Ness garb (preferably with a Slim Jim or other low quality semi-beef snack), a small, inflatable pool, a makeshift space suit (no need to be persnickety), and a very large, local dog.

Now, you'll be simulating the role of Ness. To get in adventure mode, I recommend sprinting a couple of miles to really get a feel of how exhausted Ness and crew must've been. First, we'll simulate a Starman encounter. Make sure one of your loyal friends are wearing the makeshift spacesuit for realism. OK, have you and your friend face each other until one of you use a PSI attack; any will do. What's the problem, having trouble? Exactly; no matter how long you and your shiny buddy gaze at each other, it'll take quite awhile before either of you dismantle the other with any sort of PSI-favoring blast. So you're probably thinking, "Yeah, but if this was really EarthBound, I could just bash the fool". That's where we go into our second scenario.

On your way to Scaraba, you're bound to face the Kraken. Now, this is where the large, local dog comes into play. Now, to make things up to scale, it's imperative that you equip the Slim Jim. Keep in mind, if you only got to use a bat against the monstrous Kraken, you'd have to use something considerably weaker against the pup. Now, have a few of your idle friends toss the pooch in the pool to really experience some of that canine ruthless agression. Have fun belting Sparky with the meat product while he's attempting to disembowel you. Remember this when you're blasting away a Starman, and keep this in mind when you bash a Kraken with your bat. EarthBound made bad weapons fun. We all know what RPG sacrilege it is to have a bat as your main hero's primary weapon, but that's what it's all about. EarthBound brought about these scenarios that definately weren't the norm, but certainly had more appeal than Steve Park's AOL car or yes, many other RPGs of the time.

We all know that, but how does that relate to the Summer? Sure, we all have more time to play the game in the Summer, but I actually think EarthBound is just a really Summer friendly game. Not going to the beach this year? Take a little excursion to Summers. Wishing you could take that long trip to a foreign country? Hey, Scaraba and Winters has you covered. Ever want some of that funky urban vibe? Well, I don't, but you have Fourside. Case in point, whether it be after a long day of swimming, mowing grass, or slaving over that Summer job, EarthBound and Summer almost go hand in hand with with me; especially once you consider the usually lackluster new releases of the younger platforms in Summer.

Why didn't EarthBound have mini games? I know there's a sense of urgency when you're saving the world, but even Link got in a round or two of fishing in Ocarina of Time. I don't take Super Smash Bros. as gospel, but if there was ever the possibility of Onett having a baseball field, that'd certainly be a Summer-inspired plus if I could get a little homer run derby against the local Onett kids before I stomped a mudhole in Frank and his crew. Sure it probably wouldn't have made EarthBound's audience more diverse, but it sure would've boosted replay value. Either that, or they could've bundled the aforementioned props (excluding the friends and ruthless dog), but where's the fun in that?


Other Submissions by MikeTheEBGuru

Author Sort Ascending Sort Descending Title Sort Ascending Sort Descending Description Sort Ascending Sort Descending Date Sort Ascending Sort Descending Rank Sort Ascending Sort Descending
MikeTheEBGuru Confessions of a Dangerous, but Stable Mind
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MikeTheEBGuru Earthbound: best rpg ever?
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MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 1
A few years after the War Against Giygas, Everdred begins a new life as a private investigator. His first case leads him and his partner Shaft to Onett, where Everdred's old friend Ness reports crime is back on the rise.
3/26/05 0.00
MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 2
Everdred returns to Twoson, this time without a partner. And my how things have changed. Orange Kid is MIA, but Dred is on the case.
3/26/05 0.00
MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 3
In Everdred's wackiest case yet, the PI and his new partner, Mr. T, take a trip to Winters to hunt down one Mrs. Andonuts.
3/26/05 0.00

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