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Mike’s Frugal Mall Follies: Part 1 - by MikeTheEBGuru

Mike’s Frugal Mall Follies: Part 1

Twoson and Fourside are cool because they feature big shopping centers. Don’t believe your local Mikey? Take a trip to the mall. For the first time in about a year, I did. In what started as the usual consumer rush back to school, I ended up having a bad case of EarthBound flashbacks. Enough boundy reverb to make me put aside all of that new homework and the potential Johnny Cash snubbage from the MTV Video Music Awards this year.

I arrived at the mall at around 8:00 a.m., two hours before the mall would open. However, my aunt manages a cookie store there, and I had no problem getting in the place. You really would expect more Mooks to be running around or something. With the lights out, the vibe was there. Oh, and so were about two dozen old people; half jogging through the mall, half sitting around on benches. With the mall opening at 10:00, I thought I'd sit and hour and jog an hour. I was going to be there until late in the afternoon so that was the only sense I could make of any of it. I got more than my fair share of dirty looks. Old people just resent youngsters taking their jogging route, I suppose, but hey, this was a rare opportunity for me. About the third time I circled the fountain in the northern end, I realized I was in the EarthBound zone. As far as I'm concerned those old people were little present monsters, and I was that who lost his arcade coinage. After an hour of doing enough running man to make Arnold made, I decided to sit for the final hour. Out of all of the benches in the mall, I had to pick one where I'd sit next to another old person. "Kids these days and there clothes! Bah." You darn tootin', Winifred.

Then, the lights turned on, and the stores started to open up for the day. I've never heard so many loud pop songs come on at once, and believe me, Coldplay, Good Charlotte, elevator music, and Nelly don't go well together. People were starting to rush in, and I wondered if I'd ever finally see an RPG with this cool, modern aspect. You know, people actually making transactions and such. I'd put a few more rounds of Madden 2004 at EB, buy Metroid Prime, and head off for lunch at the nearest food hut. Arby's. If it's just me, fine, but if the next game in that wacky Mother series features fast food variety, I'll flip my lid. It's not that I don't enjoy the usual generic burger, but come on, through some roast beef or chicken fingers around every once and awhile. Crying me a river that'd it'd be useless fodder? I hate to break it to you, kid, but useless fodder made EarthBound great for me. Brain what? Just give me a Cup of coffee and plenty o' Ketchup packets. And lest us not forget the cheap combo meals you get from those places. And toys? Dog, once you can get a few Happy Meals in our RPG, you've got yourself a game. Nintendo marrying EarthBound merchandise to Coca-Cola? Can you say officially licensed fountain drink? To such a huge fan of the cola, it made me blush while I was gulping down some of that freaky Mountain Dew: Code Red Orange Juice stuff. Yuch. So, I'm looking at some lovely striped duds at the nearby American Eagle, and what hits me like a cold breeze when I'm swimming in a pool? Cosmetic character changes. Okay, maybe it couldn't have been done well in the first two games, but hey, change stripes color (enemy style), and you at least have something new to look at. Exchange that ball cap for a super secret mullet wig that boosts your vitality by three points? GO FOR IT, ITOI. Oh, and it didn't take a trip to Sam Goody to think that the next EarthBound game couldn't feature some wickedly cool, albeit useless musical devices. Sure, the music station in Pokemon Gold/Sliver weren't the hottest thing around, but it was a nice feature to have, and being the apparent music buff that Itoi is, would it be so wrong to jam to a few old Mother or other Nintendo jams while going through the world of Mother 3 on your GBA, SP, or that elusive Gameboy Player? Bringeth the funk.

What conclusions can be made? Not much, but if a boundy cynic like me can think about EarthBound while he’s being roped in consuming enough to get out of any economic slump, the game roped me in far enough. In the next edition, I tackle finances and the true meaning of frugality.

Other Submissions by MikeTheEBGuru

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MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 1
A few years after the War Against Giygas, Everdred begins a new life as a private investigator. His first case leads him and his partner Shaft to Onett, where Everdred's old friend Ness reports crime is back on the rise.
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MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 2
Everdred returns to Twoson, this time without a partner. And my how things have changed. Orange Kid is MIA, but Dred is on the case.
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MikeTheEBGuru Everdred, PI: Part 3
In Everdred's wackiest case yet, the PI and his new partner, Mr. T, take a trip to Winters to hunt down one Mrs. Andonuts.
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