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Mighty Bear 7 - by SimonBob

Mighty Bear 7

So you're walking through Winters, on your way to Dr. Andonut's lab, when suddenly... you're attacked just outside of Stonehenge! Could it be a Cave Boy? Or perhaps that annoying guy who explains what Stonehenge is? No! It's a Mighty Bear 7, and with its powerful claws it rends you lifeless in one swipe!

Okay, so maybe not everyone had the same experience with Jeff on their first trip through Winters, but I'm sure you've fought one of these guys at least once. Their existence in the game is indiscernible. Most players run past them on their way to the lab, the Rainy Circle, or the Stonehenge Base. But if you fight one, you'll find that they're at least twice as strong as the Cave Boys (the other local baddie in that area.) The exp and money gained is hardly anything by the time you're tough enough to fight one, and they have a 1/128 chance of handing over a Super Plush Bear which you could buy in Summers for a paltry thousand dollars anyway.

So we've determined that they're useless. But why are they called "Mighty Bear 7" anyway? Is it because they're the seventh version of a genetically engineered bear sent from 10 years in the future to stop you? Or perhaps because bears can't count and they think that 7 comes after 1? No indeed. The answer is far more sinister.

Where does a Mighty Bear 7 live? In Winters. What do people do in the winter? Play hockey. What's another hockey team with "Mighty" in the name? The Mighty Ducks.

So by connecting these things one by one, we achieve a chain. Mighty Bear 7 - Mighty Ducks - Mad Duck - Duck Soup - Groucho Marx - A movie with both Groucho Marx and Kevin Bacon - Kevin Bacon. (explanation: Groucho Marx starred in "Duck Soup." Groucho Marx also starred in "Dirty Dancing With Wolves 2: Dance Harder" alongside Kevin Bacon.)

And since there are seven degrees in the chain, that's where we get the 7 in the Mighty Bear 7. This also explains why he attacks you: He's got all that pent-up anger from Kevin Bacon's sour movie career. It also works for other enemies in EB, and even for you. Go ahead, name the last movie you saw Kevin Bacon in. You'll be shredding fiercely on a skateboard in a matter of minutes.

There's also a false explanation going around that the 7 comes from the fact that it's the seventh member of Runaway Five. Don't believe it. Everyone knows that Venus fills that role. And while we're debunking rumours, you get it from the Uncontrollable Sphere, not the Ego Orb. You know what I mean.

Gotta go, it's dinner time.

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7/31/06 0.00


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