Who are the three slot maching brothers? And why the heck are they in the desert? They don't need the money, since the only store nearby is the drug store that ONLY sells wet towels. So, why are they there?
News:
The Theory:
Poverty is Mondo Untasty:
By: SuperSpeedy
The Sanchez Bros. and their buddy, Tomas Jefferson, eh? That gets me thinking: how do they stay comfortable? Well, using my brilliant mind, I've come up with a brilliant theory.
It was a hot day in the Monkey Caves. The Sanchez Brothers took refuge in those caves because the miner's brother hadn't built them a home yet. See, they were promised a big share of some gold that was to be dug up. In return, the Sanchez brothers would share a house with the mining brothers. Soon the meteor struck Onett, and monsters invaded the Monkey Cave! Talah Rama held them off, but the Sanchez Bros. had to flee. Not having enough money to stay in the hotel, they found a slot machine. They wagered a few dollars. Seven� SEVEN� Cherry?
Pancho: Stupid machine! *kicks slot machine; swears in Spanish*
That's how the machine broke. Without any financial options, the Sanchez's decided to become human slot machine reels. BUT, WAIT! You need at least 3 reels! Enter Tomas Jefferson! The duo hurried to Dusty Dunes Drugstore, not getting hot due to some strange law of physics that kept sunstroke away on pavement. They dialed their buddy, Tomas Jefferson, in Fourside.
Tomas Jefferson(TJ): Yello, Jefferson!
Pincho: Tomas, old friend! Is Picnho! Me and brother, in a jam. Need you for money-making scam! Hey! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!
TJ: Scam? No way, Jos�! I make my money the legal way! Performing at Topella is just a-OK!
Pancho: Give me the phone, brother. Tomas, this is Pancho. We have no home, and we don't have enough money to stay at a hotel. The tunnel to Threed seems haunted, so we can't go back to mama. We need money, and are planning on becoming a human slot machine to do so. We need a third reel.
TJ: We best have prizes. Don't want people thinking we're rigged. What should I bring?
Pincho: Skip sandwiches! Skip sandwiches!
Pancho: Pincho, hush!
TJ: Actually, that's a nice low-level prize. Should I bring a pendant?
Pancho: I guess. Bring two other thing, too!
And thus, that's how they became a human slot machine! How do they keep cool? I guess one of them got trampled by buffalo, applied a cold pack to his head, and though "Hey! This is refreshing!" Thus, everyday, during buisness hours, they hide cold packs in their hats. At night, they head to the Dusty Dunes Drugstore to buy more coldpacks. And, to spend the night.
...So there you have it. They do it because they don't like the idea of poverty and just want to rip people off.
--------------------------------
I don't like the idea of poverty either. Are they accepting job applications?
Just kidding.
-Tre
The Sanchez Bros. and their buddy, Tomas Jefferson, eh? That gets me thinking: how do they stay comfortable? Well, using my brilliant mind, I've come up with a brilliant theory.
It was a hot day in the Monkey Caves. The Sanchez Brothers took refuge in those caves because the miner's brother hadn't built them a home yet. See, they were promised a big share of some gold that was to be dug up. In return, the Sanchez brothers would share a house with the mining brothers. Soon the meteor struck Onett, and monsters invaded the Monkey Cave! Talah Rama held them off, but the Sanchez Bros. had to flee. Not having enough money to stay in the hotel, they found a slot machine. They wagered a few dollars. Seven� SEVEN� Cherry?
Pancho: Stupid machine! *kicks slot machine; swears in Spanish*
That's how the machine broke. Without any financial options, the Sanchez's decided to become human slot machine reels. BUT, WAIT! You need at least 3 reels! Enter Tomas Jefferson! The duo hurried to Dusty Dunes Drugstore, not getting hot due to some strange law of physics that kept sunstroke away on pavement. They dialed their buddy, Tomas Jefferson, in Fourside.
Tomas Jefferson(TJ): Yello, Jefferson!
Pincho: Tomas, old friend! Is Picnho! Me and brother, in a jam. Need you for money-making scam! Hey! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!
TJ: Scam? No way, Jos�! I make my money the legal way! Performing at Topella is just a-OK!
Pancho: Give me the phone, brother. Tomas, this is Pancho. We have no home, and we don't have enough money to stay at a hotel. The tunnel to Threed seems haunted, so we can't go back to mama. We need money, and are planning on becoming a human slot machine to do so. We need a third reel.
TJ: We best have prizes. Don't want people thinking we're rigged. What should I bring?
Pincho: Skip sandwiches! Skip sandwiches!
Pancho: Pincho, hush!
TJ: Actually, that's a nice low-level prize. Should I bring a pendant?
Pancho: I guess. Bring two other thing, too!
And thus, that's how they became a human slot machine! How do they keep cool? I guess one of them got trampled by buffalo, applied a cold pack to his head, and though "Hey! This is refreshing!" Thus, everyday, during buisness hours, they hide cold packs in their hats. At night, they head to the Dusty Dunes Drugstore to buy more coldpacks. And, to spend the night.
...So there you have it. They do it because they don't like the idea of poverty and just want to rip people off.
--------------------------------
I don't like the idea of poverty either. Are they accepting job applications?
Just kidding.
-Tre
THEY ARE NOT MEXICANS YOU RETARDED MONKEY:
By: Smeargle
Well, this is the weirdest crap you'll ever hear, but here I come.
First of all, this guys aren't mexicans. Indeed. They aren't mexicans. I repeat to use more space, THEY ARE NOT MEXICANS. Well, this people acted once at Chaos Teather, and were quite succesful. But after Venus and the Runaway 5 stuff, they were kicked out. They, though, still had their disguises, which were mexican disguises. Well, since they were fired, they needed to somehow get money. Now here's my wacky story:
One day, they were watching the News when a man on it said "Bla bla bla Dusty Dunes Desert bla bla Traffic is bad bla bla bla we wish it finishes soon we are desperate bla". The guys got an idea: "What if we use our old disguises, go there, and offer some games? I bet the people there are very bored!!" They were so excited about the idea, they changed their names and started talking weirdly. Obviously, the people in the traffic was VERY bored, and they gave a try to the brother's games. as you may imagine, during the traffic, they were quite succesful. When it disolved, they stayed there because they had no idea of WHY the traffic was produced, and thought that they could get another success in there.
As you may imagine, they weren't that stupid, and after you finish EB, they go away.
That's my theory! I ahve no idea if it makes sense, but that's it! Bye! *waves*
--------------------------------
That makes COMPLETE sense. They wanted some quick cash and went to the desert during a traffic jam! Most likely on a bus!
-Tre
Well, this is the weirdest crap you'll ever hear, but here I come.
First of all, this guys aren't mexicans. Indeed. They aren't mexicans. I repeat to use more space, THEY ARE NOT MEXICANS. Well, this people acted once at Chaos Teather, and were quite succesful. But after Venus and the Runaway 5 stuff, they were kicked out. They, though, still had their disguises, which were mexican disguises. Well, since they were fired, they needed to somehow get money. Now here's my wacky story:
One day, they were watching the News when a man on it said "Bla bla bla Dusty Dunes Desert bla bla Traffic is bad bla bla bla we wish it finishes soon we are desperate bla". The guys got an idea: "What if we use our old disguises, go there, and offer some games? I bet the people there are very bored!!" They were so excited about the idea, they changed their names and started talking weirdly. Obviously, the people in the traffic was VERY bored, and they gave a try to the brother's games. as you may imagine, during the traffic, they were quite succesful. When it disolved, they stayed there because they had no idea of WHY the traffic was produced, and thought that they could get another success in there.
As you may imagine, they weren't that stupid, and after you finish EB, they go away.
That's my theory! I ahve no idea if it makes sense, but that's it! Bye! *waves*
--------------------------------
That makes COMPLETE sense. They wanted some quick cash and went to the desert during a traffic jam! Most likely on a bus!
-Tre
The Dreaded Popsicles:
By: notalentjew
Oh, my god. you have forgten somthing of utmostimportance to my theroy: Popsicles.... Thats right. Just near those "brothers" standing in the middle of dusty dunes desert,is a person selling Popsicles. They are ADDICTED to these Popsicles. Once apon a time, they discovered these pops of frozen joy, and like the men of odyssus in homer's oddusy who got addicted to the lotus plant, these people got addicted to the Popsicle. You see, these people use their famous names to gain the trust of passerby's. they then spend the money on Popsicles!!!
--------------------------------
Oh my god. I think I am addicted to posicles too... I'm at about three cases a day... Is there any way to quit?
-Tre
But seriously... IS there any way to quit?
Oh, my god. you have forgten somthing of utmostimportance to my theroy: Popsicles.... Thats right. Just near those "brothers" standing in the middle of dusty dunes desert,is a person selling Popsicles. They are ADDICTED to these Popsicles. Once apon a time, they discovered these pops of frozen joy, and like the men of odyssus in homer's oddusy who got addicted to the lotus plant, these people got addicted to the Popsicle. You see, these people use their famous names to gain the trust of passerby's. they then spend the money on Popsicles!!!
--------------------------------
Oh my god. I think I am addicted to posicles too... I'm at about three cases a day... Is there any way to quit?
-Tre
But seriously... IS there any way to quit?
Story Time!:
By: What
Ah, yes. Gather 'round kids, for I'm here to tell the stories of Pincho, Pancho, and Tomas Jefferson. The first thing you must know about our three...people...is that they were not born in the world Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo call home. No indeed! In fact, they were born in another dimension, which we will henceforth call "Another Dimension". As the three babies were being delivered via stork to Mrs....whatever their last name is...DISASTER STRUCK.
An evil dinosaur that was...uh, evil...did something that made the storks drop the babies! Two of them were captured by said dinosaur thing. The other one, Tomas Jefferson, fell into some sort of forest, where it met a group of nice dinosaur things.
NOW IS THE BEGINNING OF A FANTASTIC JOURNEY! LET US MAKE A JOURNEY TO THE CAVE OF MONSTERS! GOOD LUCK!
The dinosaurs, after going on said journey and saving the brothers, took Tomas Jefferson and and company to a pagoda on the top of a mountain. There, an old man taught them the devine art of casino-fu, and warped them into the EarthBound world, because he was senile as well as old.
Calling the desert their new home, and totally unaffected by the scorching sun due to their 1337 5K1LLZ, Pincho, Pancho, and Tomas Jefferson used their casino-fu to ward off invisible monsters sent by Gigy...Guyg...Giy...sent by that evil guy to attack Ness and his friends.
And that's the story.
Go away.
--------------------------------
Beware my 1337 5K1LL5!!!
Sorry about that. Hey... My granpa is senile as well as old too! *evil laugh*
Think I could meet this senile old man?
-Tre
Ah, yes. Gather 'round kids, for I'm here to tell the stories of Pincho, Pancho, and Tomas Jefferson. The first thing you must know about our three...people...is that they were not born in the world Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo call home. No indeed! In fact, they were born in another dimension, which we will henceforth call "Another Dimension". As the three babies were being delivered via stork to Mrs....whatever their last name is...DISASTER STRUCK.
An evil dinosaur that was...uh, evil...did something that made the storks drop the babies! Two of them were captured by said dinosaur thing. The other one, Tomas Jefferson, fell into some sort of forest, where it met a group of nice dinosaur things.
NOW IS THE BEGINNING OF A FANTASTIC JOURNEY! LET US MAKE A JOURNEY TO THE CAVE OF MONSTERS! GOOD LUCK!
The dinosaurs, after going on said journey and saving the brothers, took Tomas Jefferson and and company to a pagoda on the top of a mountain. There, an old man taught them the devine art of casino-fu, and warped them into the EarthBound world, because he was senile as well as old.
Calling the desert their new home, and totally unaffected by the scorching sun due to their 1337 5K1LLZ, Pincho, Pancho, and Tomas Jefferson used their casino-fu to ward off invisible monsters sent by Gigy...Guyg...Giy...sent by that evil guy to attack Ness and his friends.
And that's the story.
Go away.
--------------------------------
Beware my 1337 5K1LL5!!!
Sorry about that. Hey... My granpa is senile as well as old too! *evil laugh*
Think I could meet this senile old man?
-Tre
Action: Debug:
►Theory Written By
►naersiin
►Username... Ness
Accepted
►Pass.......SkyRunner
Accepted
Identity confirmed
Awaiting command...
►Request Sanchez case file
►S(aturn)
►V(alley)
►I(ntelligence)
►A(gency)
►Classified Information follows...
►SVIA Classified Report:
Sanchez Gambling Operation (Case number: 153X)
Suspects: Pancho Sanchez, Pincho Sanchez, Tomas Jefferson, and "Broken Slot Machine"
Location: Dusty Dunes Desert near DDD<->Fourside tunnel.
Infractions: Operating a casino without a license, allowing minors to gamble, inadequate facilities (no bathrooms, air conditioning, water fountains, wet towels, or walls), and very bad odds of winning poor prizes.
Suspected illegal activities: Money laundering.
Case summary and other thoughts: The Sanchez brothers are suspected members of the infamous Eagleland Gambling Ring and we believe that they are laundering money in their DDD casino.
we want you to check it out Agent 007, I mean, Ness.
►Enter report...
►Casino investigated, all infractions are taking place, it is very likely that money laundering is happening as well.
►Foiled attempt by Sanchez brothers to use their ill-gotten gains from tourists and passersby in the DDD area to construct a machine that would press the plentiful sand into a gigantic diamond, which they then planned to use in a very powerful beam-type weapon. After interogation, "Broken Slot Machine" revealed they had planned to use the weapon, which they'd dubbed "Lucky 7", to take over the Eagleland Gambling Ring, then Eagleland itself, followed by Foggyland, then Chommo. Once in control of Foggyland, they intended to force Dr. Andonuts to mount the Lucky 7 on a satellite to form a very powerful space-based weapons platform for the attacks on Foggyland and Chommo. "Broken Slot Machine" admitted to snitching because the rest of the Sanchez brothers didn't treat him as an equal partner, "like a slave", as he put it. I recommend sending in SVIA Special Forces to take down the Sanchez brothers now in hiding in the northern DDD region.
Agent 007, Ness. ►Report Ends
--------------------------------
What? classified information? OH NO! THE SVIA IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!
-Tr- I mean...
-Anonymous
►naersiin
►Username... Ness
Accepted
►Pass.......SkyRunner
Accepted
Identity confirmed
Awaiting command...
►Request Sanchez case file
►S(aturn)
►V(alley)
►I(ntelligence)
►A(gency)
►Classified Information follows...
►SVIA Classified Report:
Sanchez Gambling Operation (Case number: 153X)
Suspects: Pancho Sanchez, Pincho Sanchez, Tomas Jefferson, and "Broken Slot Machine"
Location: Dusty Dunes Desert near DDD<->Fourside tunnel.
Infractions: Operating a casino without a license, allowing minors to gamble, inadequate facilities (no bathrooms, air conditioning, water fountains, wet towels, or walls), and very bad odds of winning poor prizes.
Suspected illegal activities: Money laundering.
Case summary and other thoughts: The Sanchez brothers are suspected members of the infamous Eagleland Gambling Ring and we believe that they are laundering money in their DDD casino.
we want you to check it out Agent 007, I mean, Ness.
►Enter report...
►Casino investigated, all infractions are taking place, it is very likely that money laundering is happening as well.
►Foiled attempt by Sanchez brothers to use their ill-gotten gains from tourists and passersby in the DDD area to construct a machine that would press the plentiful sand into a gigantic diamond, which they then planned to use in a very powerful beam-type weapon. After interogation, "Broken Slot Machine" revealed they had planned to use the weapon, which they'd dubbed "Lucky 7", to take over the Eagleland Gambling Ring, then Eagleland itself, followed by Foggyland, then Chommo. Once in control of Foggyland, they intended to force Dr. Andonuts to mount the Lucky 7 on a satellite to form a very powerful space-based weapons platform for the attacks on Foggyland and Chommo. "Broken Slot Machine" admitted to snitching because the rest of the Sanchez brothers didn't treat him as an equal partner, "like a slave", as he put it. I recommend sending in SVIA Special Forces to take down the Sanchez brothers now in hiding in the northern DDD region.
Agent 007, Ness. ►Report Ends
--------------------------------
What? classified information? OH NO! THE SVIA IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!
-Tr- I mean...
-Anonymous
