The PK Hack community is like a bucket of tuna; it's... like a bucket, and, uh, it smells bad. Well, perhaps it's more accurate to say that the PK Hack community is like a can of mixed nuts; it's round, made of aluminum, and you can buy it for half price after Christmas. Or maybe it's like a box of chocolates - the coconut truffles are always the last to go. Anyway, the point is, the community is full of interesting persons, some of whom you might actually be willing to meeting in person. That's why this page is here.

On this page we list the more-or-less central figures of the community; those who've distinguished themselves by making useful discoveries, producing cool hacks, writing utilities, miscellaneous feats of great daring and renown, or by just being plain awesome.

Most of the bios here at the moment were written by Radiation, to varying degrees of accuracy, and should be viewed as only temporary. If you'd like to make changes to your biographical information, just drop me a line, and I'll hopefully set things right in time to repair some of the damage Radiation has caused your reputation.

Tomato is the guy. That's all there is to it around here. Tomato planted the seed from which the community has grown, struggled, and finally flourished, blossoming into a large perennial vining plant of the family Solanaceae.

Tomato largely owes his existence to the historic decision of Nix v. Hedden, 1893, in which it was determined that the tomato is, in fact, a vegetable.

BlueAntoid joined the community a heck of a long time ago, and quickly became a respected fixture. He ascended to the position of de facto community leader after Tomato left, and held the post faithfully for some years.

BA has the distinction of being the first to complete a full-length hack of EarthBound with the release of JonBound: Dark Future in 2001. Though this hack has long since been technologically eclipsed, it stands as an example of what may be accomplished by a determined hacker.

He has also been noteworthy in his efforts to demystify the EB ROM, pioneering many discoveries. Unfortunately, Blue Antoid is no longer active in the community. The competing demands of life, gainful employment and a girlfriend proved too great, and BA was forced to set aside his involvement with PK Hack.

It is worth noting that Blue Antoid shares his birthday with Moon Unit Zappa.

Lord of all angels, Michael1 stands for all that is great, good, and ASM in the hacking world. Despite being alright at ASM, it is his only weakness. He has super strength and stupor length. Whatever that means.

Mike has made many awesome things, like skipping the naming menu and stuff like that. Only with his divine powers and your help, can, Mike accomplish these things. Go in #pkhax and thank him for his cool. He hates misplaced commas, though.

Oh yeah, he's a nice guy. He likes to invoke cactuses, break the universe (we did that twice now), and draw cool pictures. I think he wins a trophy or something.

He also has other abilities...

Our main antagonist often appears more than our hero, and many argue/wonder if he's really the protagonist and Radiation is the antagonist. GuyInSummers is a dark man in a dark cloak that likes dark things, like being outside on a Sunday and going to church. Everybody seems to be friends with him in #pkhax, if only they knew his dark secret...

GuyInSummers was the second butt after proving himself to be more of a butt than NLA. He is Radiation's role model and idol, which is very odd because Radiation seems to despise him. He loathes Radiation until Radiation feels sorry, in which case he ceases to care. He has kicked Radiation over 100 times to date, as Radiation has done many terrible things to him such as light his pants on fire when he wasn't looking and trying to kill him by creating new types of elementary particles. Radiation seems like a jerk, but GuyInSummers doesn't care about any of it! Because if he did, he would have said something by now. Mostly he talks in Foot. But Radiation can't speak foot, so it doesn't look like it's going to get any better between them. Also, he's fairly alright at hacking. Play his old hack, The EarthBound Protector. It's really good, I swear!

Old GuyInSummers used to be a nice teenager that hung around on the forums being helpful. The new GuyInSummers loathes the old one, much like the way one scoffs at what one previously created when one was three. "What the heck is this battle sprite!? AUGGH, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYTHING!" GuyInSummers refuses to acknowledge anything that happened before 12/5/04, which was...

[Some of this may actually be true. - Ed.]

A really Rad (in more than one way!) dude who is the main character of our story. Radiation enjoys hot babes, beating up GuyInSummers and NLA, and making fun of people. He has also been kicked by all OPs and Half-Ops in the #pkhax IRC Channel. Creator of all things Arn, Radiation continues to contribute to society and will do whatever he can to help people and still be a jerk at the same time.

Radiation also has an unhealthy obsession with Cave Story and currently likes swords very much. Can you take this bad dude on? Well, you probably can't because most likely you'll be playing as him. Unless you're playing as Richter. That I can respect.

Radiation has never ever made any hacking utilities, but is very cool and has twenty PKHack badges.

[Editor's note: the actual number of PK Hack badges possessed by Radiation is less than twenty.]

JeffMan is a guy, probably. He only spells correctly when he feels like it, you know? JeffMan has created many, many useful utilities that people use everyday, like the PSI Battle Animation Editor.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No, seriously, JeffMan's a great guy. He has a lot of badges. You should pay attention. Maybe you'll learn something.

[Editor's note: derisive laughter does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the administrators.]

Mr. Tenda is the man with the plan. A vegetarian left-handed liberal spine-less pizza-bones, he is the first coolest character in the story but doesn't really get that much stage time. He's a creative soul who makes Hat Quests and also Map Editors.

Well, actually he only makes Crap Editors but at least they don't corrupt like some people I know.

Mr. Tenda and Radiation will send you a PM. Ask for one! Just make sure you figure out what their ranks mean, first.

[Editor's note: I don't even know what half of this means.]

[Editor's note: Neither do I, and I'm the one that wrote it. Let's blame Gau.]

JeffMan's mortal enemy, Penguin is a superhacker that is really good at ASM and stuff and hacks Gamecube games. He has powers far beyond what any normal human should have, and that lands him in the average penguin area. Penguin makes some slick hack findings, sometimes, and once went around calling himself Popple. Good times.

[This one is surprisingly not particularly factually incorrect. -Ed.]

Hey. Shh. Shh! Do you hear that?

It's EBisumaru.

Bringer of brawn, brains, and brass knuckles, EBisumaru has a penchant for pain. I mean, causing it. He gets angry at things that a normal man wouldn't even notice. He once stomped each member of an entire colony of ants because he just didn't like the color red that day. Shortly thereafter, he was hospitalized from trying to beat up an oak tree with a plastic hammer. He was placed in a protective Atomic Power casing, which led many people to believe he was a Robot for two years. Once he began hacking, though, he was able to break free from this shell and became the monster you see today. His major accomplishments include a couple of modules for PK Hack, not finishing his Runaway 5 hack, and personally smashing every microwave in the Baltimore-Washington metro area. One thing's for sure: Don't mess with EBisumaru unless you want to eat your leftovers cold.

AnyoneEB is the grand master-hacko dude and created JHack, which is the new PKHack. He is very skilled at Java. He's a very very cool guy, so I'll let him fill this box up with whatever he wants because I don't want to hurt his feelings or anything.

He also believes in NPOV, or Neutral Point of View. Anyone that doesn't have a Neutral Point of View is an idiot.

[Wow, for once Radiation refrains from personal abuse. I'm impressed. - Ed.]

Did you know Mr. Accident once had a sister? Her name was Gerbil. Like her brother, she wielded powers far beyond that of mortals...

EB_Girl is a hotty. Yowza! But no, really, she's cool. She made EarthBound 2.5 - The Giftman Chronicles, arguably one of the best hacks and one of the only two JeffMan has ever played. Are you ready? Can you do it? Do it. Yowza! No, really, she's a good hacker. But only because Mr. Accident helped her.

[Again, this commentary reflects only the perverse mind of Radiation. And I only helped her a little with that hack. - Ed.]

The NLA is a big ugly dude with a penchant for pain and doing unto others what is done unto him. The NLA is often well-meaning, but will probably kill you if you look him in the eye(s?). He's hacked many things and sat on his butt in PKHACKland a lot, so that has to mean something. But maybe he just likes sitting. Or maybe butt. Either one. NLA was the original #pkhax butt, but(t) something happened and everything changed. He's friends with GiS, so I can't decide whether he's a good guy or a bad butt.

[None of this is actually true, but(t) NLA hasn't said anything so I'm leaving this here. - Eddy]

Goplat is a very nice man and creates many things. He was once known as Cabbage and his hacking skills are unsurpassed... some say he is Tomato in disguise. He has created a Music Editor and many other wonderful things. But can you trust him? Yes, yes you can. I don't know why he scares me a little. Maybe his intelligence reminds me of Gau. That's probably it.

[This could use some further research. Has anyone else any time to put into this development? - Edd]

A hacker from long ago, not much is known about the elusive Cromkayer... some say that he can only be defeated with a silver bullet. But they were probably talking about werewolves and I came into the conversation too late. Oops! Also, I think he likes Cocoa pebbles but I'm not really sure about that one.

[Butter toast! - Ed]

EBrent smells like hat to the very end. He also fights for righteousness in a very neutral, self-entertaining kind of way. He enjoys parties and also Cave Story and the name _. Sometimes he can be seen on IRC. Otherwise, he's on crack. He is not a bad jie. Through fire, justice is served.

:(

Poik007 is a mystery, even himself does not understand why he is on this page. He does not understand his pkhack badge. He does not understand anything, all he can do is be around and help, smile, and use weird smileys. Poik is supposed to be some kind of pkhack elite. Maybe he is, he started 5 hacks, all of them died in horrible pain and... KITTIES! Poik loves happy stuff and poik loves hacking. Therefore hacking is happy stuff.

Poik double o seven, whose real name is Jeremie Tessier, is a french canadian programmer in training. And he's 19 years old. And a really nice guy Very Happy He codes with Omelettes du Fromage. Yes, he's that hardcore. Actually, poik loves visual basic, and is starting to leave her to see C++, his awesome lover. He makes stuff in C++, he makes hacking tools? Yes very true!

poik loves earthbound.

In the words of GuyInSummers: `In his own words: "I hate stupid people. I like pizza and girls. I'm a Computer Science major and an Archaeology minor." That says a lot about the man we know as Frieza (or Zushiba). Wielding the might of Saget Man, Frieza has been with this community from the very beginning. Beyond EarthBound, he has lent his coolness to the creation of editors for various games such as Chrono Trigger, and is a founding member of Sexy Beam Translations.'

Yeah, this dude's pretty cool. He doesn't show up very often though, and he's never made a hack. He doesn't have any pizza to share or a trophy to show.

[n42] I discovered the TPT
[n42] I made the first TPT editor
[n42] I made the door destination editor
[JeffMan] n42 he used your blue hair pic
[n42] I made the window palette editor thing
[JeffMan] yeah give n42 a badge already christ
[n42] that was pretty bad though
[Michael1] I'm the mysterious background guy :D
[n42] I made the EB0 text editor
[JeffMan] n42 im adding you as the codeveloper for the mother 3 text editor
[JeffMan] you dont have to do any work ok
[n42] I 'made' the Gas Station editor in JHack I think

THE FOLLOWING IS ALL MADE UP BY RADIATION AND IS NOT REMOTELY TRUE AT ALL:

Gau is a soul who loves intelligence, the Japanese language, and Sailor Moon. All things evil. Wait, no, that's not right. But yeah, he likes smarts. More specifically, smart people...

Gau loathes all stupidity, and therefore all humor based on such. ... therefore, most of Gau's time looking at the channel is spent kicking Radiation for being retarded. Which is actually funny. He just doesn't get it. Yeah.

Anyway, the point is that Gau is a bad guy because he hates funny things, because most often they are dumb. Gau is looking for a way to destroy all humor and stupidity so he can create a utopian society in which there is no laughter, no colors, and no tacos. With no humor, no stupidity will spring up from such. With no colors, no one will wear bad clothes that will clash, and hence no distraction. Gau just doesn't like tacos.

I'm so gonna get kicked for this.

Being a master hacker, Gau has discovered a single flag in the EarthBound ROM that takes away all humor. Gau is in the process of creating a virus that finds every EarthBound ROM on the internet and sets the flag on, even encoded ROMs and zipped ROMs. It will also go through ROMs that are being dumped and corrupt the very cartidge itself...

Gau has one weakness, however. He cannot stand Visual Basic. Gau believes that it is impossible to create an OS in Visual Basic and will strike down anyone who says otherwise. If you could somehow create an OS in VB, Gau would implode due to sheer incomprehension. Can you do it and save the internet? Well?

[I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead someone write a new one before Gau kills me. - Ed.]

Mr. Accident is a guy we all know and love. He's superbad, superrad, superglad, superhad. He has created such famous utilities such as M*p E**t*r *.2 and other things. One of the few original hackers left, Mr. Accident is supercool and blesses us with his ultrabilities.

However...

After *a* *di*o* 4** was created, people began reporting odd problems with their ROMs. Doors corrupted. Battle Sprites destroyed in an instant. Mr. Tenda's Crap Editor outright destroyed the ROM if it came in contact with something that had been touched by this satanic device. Yes, Mr. Accident created Map Editor 4, the raw corruptive device we now know destroys mens' souls along with their ROMs. Even the creator, Mr. Accident, with his powers, could not do anything to stop the raw evil power surging up from the depths of this hellish device. Mobs began forming to take down who started it all in hopes he would never make such a fearsome machine ever again. Mr. Accident, fearing for his life after the angry mob began to tear down his home, ran for his life and began making an alternative - Map Editor SP. Map Editor SP would be safe to use, but ROMs that have been touched by Map Editor 4 will never be the same again...

[Mr. Accident, don't hurt me here, uh, just write your own or something. - Ed.]

This person really, really likes cats. That aside, this man is the incarnate of raw chaos. Even Gau fears his power, which often appears in mysterious, enigmatic topics created without explanation or reason. Few say he is mentally retarded, because if they did, he would zap them. Zow! Zow!

He is the creator of a dark and evil hack which is absolutely pure chaos and hatred. Radiation and the Hops (which is #pkhax's resident rock band) foolishly made fun of it, but they in turn received a punishment they will never forget. This hack is so dark and evil, few who play it will survive... which is unfortunate because it has a new way of spreading.

Death Editor Bound is the ultimate bad guy, a creation of raw hatred, corruption, chaos, and ultimately lucidity.

Death Editor Bound was created in a freak accident in which a virus lumped files together on ??? ?????'s computer. Being infected with Gau's virus, the virus lumped together that, Map Editor 4, and Freebound. The result? A virus that creates endless copies of FreeBound if you have an EarthBound ROM on your computer, along with infecting all PKHACKing utilities and turning them into new viruses. After raw chaos and corruption surge through your computer, turning all chips into something somewhat like grape jelly, your computer will display nothing but a blank black screen with a white line, blinking. Slowly, slowly... EARTHBOUND. What? It's FreeBound, right? But there is nothing left. All that is left is a grey screen. All characters speak in monotone and all caps except for four character... the main ones.

The virus, created of pure corruption in itself, will be destroyed along with all copies it can manage to find if the character manages to defeat the final boss: Giygas. But it's not just Giygas. Something is different this time... it seems more desperate. You cannot turn off your computer, or it will be destroyed forever. You cannot lose, or your computer will be destroyed forever. Can you beat it and save the world? Giygas's danger is real.

Not even IRC can save you now.

We'll help, though. Even GuyInSummers will help. He's not really such a bad person, after all. Some of us may netplay, risking our own computers in the process. You'd better do it, kid.

It's up to you to defeat Death Editor Bound. Use your skills to help you do what you've been waiting so long to do. They're there for something, right?

If I don't know you, I probably don't miss you. That's why I didn't put you on, buddy. If you think you're important like ness290 caliber or something, tell me and I'll go put you on. It would help if you made your own bio/picture though, otherwise you'll end up like Mr. Tenda: awesome and with abs. I mean... uh... Geb. He's a meanie. And he doesn't have a picture. Actually, he does. And it's a butt.